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If only they saw that....

How about it? At least in my WW's case I think she has this overblown idea of romance and story book love. Well what is more storybook (even if it is a tragedy) love than a man saying he will forgive you and love you unconditionally? That he heard everything you said and searched to the bottom of his soul and is changing himself for the better. Why would a WS want to miss that?

TimR,

Because love potion #9 is crack cocaine. The cheap thrill is worth it.

People who are addicted to alcohol or drugs know how bad they are - how much they're destroying their lives through drug use. Yet, logic is thrown out the window. It's all about the next hit.

Lots of similarities, don't you think?

Thanks Trumpet, yes it is an addiction. The question is when does the spell wear off. What is rock bottom? When do they get there and how can you tell if they are there?

So update I reached out to my WW today to give her the schedule for S13 and my trip to NYC. I gave her the departure time and when I expected to leave on Sunday to return home. I warned that I would not know what traffic would be like but would up date her as we were driving back. At the end I added, "How are you doing with the new meds." She ended up responding a few hours later apologizing for her late reply. She then offered to drop S off on her way to work, worried he will fall back asleep and we would be delayed.

She then told me about her meds and how she was doing. I responded and so did she. I do believe I text too much cause she did not respond to my last text. So I guess I F'd up a bit but overall hope it was successful in making a positive image of me in her mind.

As far as GALing I got a run in before lifting and then spent 45 minutes lifting. After the convo and the workout, I am feeling much better than I was last night and today. That is not to say I wont be a wreck tomorrow.

Tim,

Don't beat yourself up too much - one day at a time, even one moment at a time. Seems like things have definitely improved from when your WW was so angry at you all the time. So, I don't think it was anything that is going to take you off the DB'ing course. I am glad you are feeling better tonight and had GAL plans. All in all, sounds like things really improved. I am very glad that they did! Hope it "sticks"! At least for a little bit it would be nice if the roller coaster was steady or going uphill!

Think of it this way TimR. Like your work out, no pain, no gain. Same goes for your emotional and spiritual growth. There is no growth without pain and how to you expect WW to want to return without growth. I'm not saying she'll want to return because she may not. In that case, your growth will benefit your S13, your new relationship(s) and all those around you.

I also hear you about not necessarily wanting to be intimate in the future because you've been hurt. Something I've noticed in myself is that I think I subconsciously push people away in an effort to protect myself and then I kick myself and bemoan my situation when they pull away. You certainly didn't make your WW have an A but try to take a look at how your fear of intimacy could contribute to your problems with intimacy. Sort of like the situation with dogs. People who fear dogs often get bit by dogs which reinforces their fear of dogs. Usually the dog is just reacting to the person's fear. I have a 100 lb dog that thinks she is a lap dog, friendliest dog in the world but she picks up on people's fear of her and stares at them rather than ignoring them or wagging her tail and trying to get pet by them. They then become more fearful because she is staring at them. Just some food for thought based on MHO.

Hope tomorrow rocks for you!!!

Thanks G8r. I have dogs too. Three German Shepherds. I have father and son and my wife's who she did not want after she pooped on the floor at WW's new place. Both mine are trained, Father dog is trained in obedience, off leash obedience and bite. Unfortunately, he is getting old and has bad health. Son is obedience, off leash obedience and tracking (partly). We never finished the tracking cause the trainer had other stuff to do. WW's is just jolly and happy. She knows how to lay down but is naturally protective. Great thing about dogs is no matter what WW says to me they still love me.

Glad you like the work out. It is geared to judo and wrestling and not building tons of muscle but just building a bit and refining what you have.

I see what you are saying about intimacy. I just recognize that it is going to be quite sometime before I can be open with and trust a partner. My biggest fear is she comes back and I just can't get over the A and I am the one who has to walk away. As far as a new relationship, honestly while I don't want that, it would probably be easier to open up to and trust a new partner. But that is not what I want.

Hey buddy,

Just checking in. Try to not think too far ahead, it will get you spinning.

Think about today and tomorrow. What can you do today and tomorrow to improve yourself?

Don't worry about when/if W comes back and if you can forgive, you'll cross that bridge when you get there. And don't worry about finding another partner. You and I are no where near ready for that. And if we did jump into a new R, we would repeat our mistakes and it would implode because we haven't done the work we need to do to be better partners and to choose better partners.

You're going to be ok, my man!

Tim

I would like you to understand that there is a difference between capacity (capability) for change and culpability for change.

Some aren't able to change, their personalities won't allow it, they have syndromes and disorders. Their personality is such that they can't recognisee their defects and overcome them, they are incapable of understanding they are flawed and can't change who they are. There are tools even to work on this using our higher spirit.

There are those who know they are flawed and just don't want any changes. They haven't accepted their own responsibility to change their behaviour, whilst being able to change are just plain stubborn or contrary. Then there is shift by their higher power, huge light bulb moments of realisation.

There are many like some of the DB posters here who are seeking the 'how' to make our lives different, how to become. I observe you to be in this group, and it's a good way to be.

We change our behaviour and work on ourselves and our personalities change. We emerge as one who is seen as changing and growing. We are powerful and a great force in this world.

Your WW will be in limmerance for up to two years before spell break occurs. I sense this is important. It truly is important for you to understand this takes time and a great deal of time to unravel. There is no guarantee that a new limmerance cycle won't start. A second OM. The first is usually affair down big time, so there will be spell break.

Stand and make your changes. You do this for you.

The letters are a powerful tool and will help you enormously to grow and develop. If you wish to share a way can be found.

V

"The first is usually affair down big time, so there will be spell break."

Could you explain this further V?