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Agreed GWH. If this process serves any purpose at all it makes us better people with WS or not. Plus the people with meet in our journeys although we may never meet become best friends.

Thank you Day!

My Step S told me a little while ago that my W had closed out her old FB account, and opened up a new one in her maiden name. That was a little stinger.

I have a question. My stepS is 29 yrs old. He considers me as his D well because his real F was never there for him. Now he is totally against what is going on with me, and my W. Does not want us to get D. My W is blaming me for this saying i drug him into this which i did not, and said she will never forgive me for it.. He told her that if she got serious with OW he is cutting her off. I tried to tell him that;s his mother, but he does not care. What the heck am i to do in this situation?

Wow that is a tough one. At 29 your S is a an adult and it is doubtful you can sway him one way or the other. However, I would continue to tell him (if the topic comes up) that she is his mother and she will always be his mother. That she raised him and loved him.

Of course, she believes you put him up to it. WW always rewrite history and blame everything on H. In her mind, anything that is or goes wrong in her life will some how be attributed to you. Don't get sucked into that trap when she starts spewing. Validate, validate, validate, and then stick to your boundaries.

Thanks Tim! Yes it's a tough one. I did tell him that she is his mother, and so on, but he is so against what she is doing. When she tried to blame this on me i told her he is an adult, and can think for himself. Son did tell me that she maybe happy now, but when she wakes up someday, and realizes that she lost all the people that loved her then she will see how happy she is. It made me sad to hear him say that, and i said to him again that she is your mom, and forever will be your mom, but he wouldn't hear it.

For older kids I think it is clearer how they feel. My brother was I think 20 when my mom left. Over 20 years have gone by and he has spoken with my mom once (at her mother's funeral). Any cards she send, he returns, any call he ignores. She tried to say hi and ask how he was doing at my undergrad graduation, as she was in midsentence he turned around and walked away from her.

It took my mother years to come out of her fog. I can say she deeply regrets it. However, she has not owned it. She always has an excuse for it, right now it was that she was anemic and must have been suffering some side effects.

I hope for all our sakes it doesn't take as long for our WWs to come out of their fog as is did my mom. However, I would also think it certainly could happen.

That is so sad Tim it really is. In a way it makes me feel special that my S thinks of me this way being a step D, but it also make me sad that he would abandon his mother who has raised him from birth. I came into his life when he was 12, and we became close rather quick.

I hope your right Tim, but like you said it could take just as long, or longer. Problem is by that time it may be to late.

That is truly a sad story, Tim. Hopefully it won't come to that for me. Twenty years is a long time.

I agree with Tim, GWH, I don't think you can control S29 because he is an adult. If she starts in on you, just say you didn't do anything and validate. Walk away if you have to - don't get defensive or argue. If you handle it calmly, hopefully, she will realize that you had nothing to do with the decisions S29 makes.