Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

Don't mind read. You can't guess right. Even if you were correct about what he was thinking, this doesn't mean he's not confused or conflicted, so just because you picked up one emotion doesn't mean it's the only one. And even if he was 100% negative towards M, that doesn't mean those emotions couldn't change.

Bottom line, validate to yourself that losing your partner hurts, but don't try to predict the future or figure it all out. Understandable to want to, but don't allow yourself to try to make conclusions.

Today. It's all about today.

Thank you all for your support, I need it! I'm trying not to make much of it. I think it's just wild that he has no idea that I cry everyday over him and our M. I know theres not one single action or anything that can prevent a D from happening but it seems like there's little hope huh b/c of his indifference?

I just dont get it...when we talk, it's not strained or hard. I try to stay as positive, humble and gentle as possible. We make each other laugh and instantly feel comfortable as if we're still together...even while talking about splitting things up. Well at least I have that feeling. Maybe its b/c I dont get that many interactions with him.

Broke,

Yes though my H is a decent guy, he did have an A. But as we all know, that's only a symptom of a larger problem. I realize he is on a journey right as I am too. Just wishing he'd wake up and realize he can't live like this. Well shoot, maybe he has already woken up and this is it. I hope he still has feelings for me as his wife. I hope he acts on those feelings and comes back to me. But I know either way,I will be ok.

Just got home and relaxing a bit before I head to the gym. I hate coming home to an empty house that is causing me stress, knowing that H is a few blocks down living it up in his man cave. Nights like this when the seasons are changing reminds me of how much I love coming home at night and cooking for him and telling him about my day. Now, I don't know anything about him at all.

But I'll keep going. I'm not happy with my life right now. I truly miss this man, even though I don't show it and try to stay on the up and up. And like so many others here, I want a new M with H, not the old one. I want another chance at this with him. I know I made a lot of mistakes - my attitude sucked and I didn't treat him the right way all of the time and now, he might find someone better than me that he could be happy with. I can't stand the thought of him having kids with someone else. Not after everything we've been through together. He's not perfect and has made mistakes but I still want our M. I feel confused, irritated and lonely.

I will say this Hope...your dedication to your man and your marriage is very admirable. Maybe it's a phase. Maybe the feelings of anger follow, and maybe this just reflects your neediness more than your love. But I don't think so. I think you're a truly committed and devoted partner. Keep it up. Being supported by a loyal and loving woman is paramount for a man, it might even rank as high as the 2nd most important thing in a relationship

Thank you Zues. Your words are always so thought-provoking yet genuine. I wonder if I'm crazy or delusional at this point b/c I feel like you may be telling me to give up, but please correct me if I'm wrong. When you say its "its just a phase," I never looked at my marriage as just a phase. Maybe the seasons in it are just a phase but my love for H is not a phase at all.

And yes, I struggled with neediness for a very long time and I thought that was the reason I wanted him back but as time passes, I realize it's not that. That I truly enjoy the energy we have together as a couple. I truly enjoy our time, whether strained or happy. No one else makes me laugh the way he does. No one else makes me feel the way he does...and I've been missing those things ever since he left. I hope to find that kind of connection again (ideally with him).

Gym was fine last night. Had to contact H again b/c th Wifi was out and he still pays that bill. He says he paid it and fixed it but its still not working so I have to reach out again. Funny as I type this, you guys with kids are probably laughing at me thinking, "Seriously, that's your biggest concern right now when contacting your H, your WIFI?!!" But he said he would help out. So I'm calling his bluff.

Also, I just came from my last IC session for awhile. I have to stop going b/c I can't afford it anymore. She is certainly helpful and I will miss having a place to vent and reflect openly and get solid actionable steps but I can't continue to go until I pay off the balance. I'm so anxious about all of these jobs I have to get and having strangers stay in my home. I don't want this. I feel like I'm hitting a wall every turn I take. But I'll continue to have faith in God and know He has a plan in all of this and he's working on that plan right now, even though I cannot see it. I have to believe that to live.

Hope, i can guarantee no one is laughing at you. You hang in there, and be strong. We are all here for you.

Thanks GWH. Heard something interesting a few minutes ago that I think applied well to all of us here: That just because you see someone with a smile on their face and happy, doesn't mean they aren't deeply hurting or depressed inside. I don't know, that just made me feel stronger knowing that.

It is very true. Hard to think about WAS like that but then I think about how I put on the face for others and they have no clue what's on my inside

It's a weird mix of emotions - sometimes I feel empowered and strong that I can do that. Like I've got this double life I'm leading with this deep, dark secret - especially since I wear my wedding rings every, single day. Other times, I feel delusional and downright pathetic. Sometimes if I'll bring it up to some unsuspecting person that I interact with regularly and they are extremely surprised. For instance, I told my boss I'm having M trouble and she says she can't even tell on b/c I'm professional and have been crushing it at work. So thats good. I feel like maybe I tell random ppl about it sometimes b/c its a weird form of validation or ego boost - like hey, look at what I'm going through. I'm really strong right?!"

I think I told my friend yesterday, "I just want to feel wanted and needed." Guess I'm reaching anywhere for that. But it just popped into my head that I can't allow that to be a "selling feature" of HopeRB.

I can relate Hope. It's amazing we can even function at work let alone excel like you are doing. I don't believe I am excelling but my head is above water anyway.

Nothing wrong with feeling to be wanted and needed. Especially now. We have all been told essentially that we don't "measure up". We already feel like failures even though I have been told by many that it's quite the opposite. WAS are the failures for bailing without even giving it a go.

We kind of carry around this ball and chain of shame. There is no shame in what we did. There is especially no shame in how we are all fighting to become the best people we can be.

I hate the divorced guy/gal stigma. It is reality but it's not who we are as a person. Keep doing whats right and you will find that connection again. (Ideally with him)