Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Way Too Late Pt 3

Hang in there brother.

Re. the dog, I would take screen shots of all the texts and put them together in a document and print it out in 3 sets. I would then send one set to W's L and ask them to reconsider if they want to go to court over it.

Best of luck. I love my pets and I rely on them so much right now, it's cruel that she's doing this.

Sorry I would have to disagree with Painter. I would have you send them to your L but not to your wife's L. First off they will most likely just send them back your L with a letter asking your L to speak with you about contacting them directly. Second they may just throw them away. Third you may give away a strategy or card your L is holding close to the vest.

Sorry, should have clarified that I meant through your own L, with a repeated request to get your dog.

If you're concerned about whether your dog is going to make it 90 days, I wouldn't worry too much about trial strategy. If it's so obvious that she doesn't know how to take care of the dog, her L should be able to tell her that she doesn't stand much of a chance in court and will lose credibility with the judge which will jeopardize her other claims. Once the judge thinks you're a liar, it's hard to turn that around, from what I've observed.

Also, if this is her 'therapy dog', I would document that she left it with a sitter to go on that trip you mentioned!

I wouldn't get into too much detail about how the certifiation came about - you don't want to look like you participated in that.

Is there an incentive you can offer to entice her? Do a whip & carrot thing?

You can always run it by your L and see what he thinks.

1313,

Ditto to what Tim said regarding keeping the text info between you and your lawyer right now. No need to show all of your cards to wife and her lawyer.

Have you been able to get any respite care for your mom? Believe me when I say that caring for a parent with Alzheimer's is consuming and stressful unlike any other horrible situation.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

Hi guys, I'll work my way backwards.

Cristy - I've not gotten any in-home care for my Mother just yet. I know the State is willing to help out, but I want to keep my options open here. I'd like to be sure that there's some stabilization as far as cashflow - so my Mother's money is hers and can be used exclusively for her care. I'm supposed to start getting my support check next month, which will make all the difference for the moment. The catch 22 is of course that I can't leave to go earn money without somebody caring for her.

It's pretty amazing that of all times the W files for a D, it's right now. I mean, literally the same week I had talked with her doctor about getting some in-home care. I mean, I know she's been planning this for a long time, but it's almost as if she did it before I got all my ducks in a row on purpose.

Painter & Tim, the W's L is dumbfounded that the W is doing this at all. He's already recommended sharing, and knows that she keeps making up new stories as to why she feels she gets to keep the dog. I also don't think he's happy about her pathological lying. I've been more than reasonable on every point. Even when it came to being locked out of the house - which I could have made a real stink about.

So now the W is leaning on the service dog thing - but as Painter has already suspected - she's more than proven that she isn't using the dog for that purpose. In fact - if she did need the dog for emotional support - wouldn't she have brought it to court?

Of course, doing that would have not worked out so well for her as the dog would have turned inside out at seeing me in a strange place and it would be obvious to the Judge I hadn't mistreated the dog with a reunion like that.

I would never, ever take my pup strictly for myself. Nor do I hate my W enough to want to deprive her of her little girl. I know that she's probably angry that after I visit the house, the dog is probably searching every room after getting a whiff of me.

I wish I could show you the video of the last time I saw her - I feel terrible I ignored her (well I was talking to her) while I was recording a walk-through of the house and packing stuff up. She followed me from room to room - I watch the video just so I can hear her tags jingling. I'm tearing up right now thinking about it. I can't believe it's been since 1/27 that I last saw her. The 2 things I said in the video was once to the assistant: "has 'X' been here all day?" to which she answered "she was at the office this morning" (which I doubt actually), it was after 2pm. Then at the top of the stairs she was asking for attention and I said "poor 'X', I'll give you some love in a second".

I've already showed my L the texts in a rough form, and will document things in a complete timeline. Like I said, they want to make sure they've got time to do it, so that's why the 60 to 90 day timeline. Once they assemble the evidence, I believe they have to show it to the other side.

So yeah, I'm fighting this if there's going to be a fight at all. I know the dog loves me regardless, and she's all that's left of my family. I'm just so sorry the W hates me so much. I wish she could find forgiveness for all I've done to wrong her - real or imagined.

Yes Painter, the dog is someplace right now while the W is off on a trip with the OM. If she took the dog, I will sue her for complete custody because she's not supposed to travel on a plane. But, maybe she drove. I couldn't figure out why she would be spending a night in palm springs - perhaps that means she's driving. Of course, that will be interesting to explain to the high school people unless they get there before anybody sees them, and then leave after everybody else.

I couldn't stand it any longer and visited the IL's today, they were delighted. I didn't know my FIL's health was fading as much as it has - so I felt really good about visiting. He had to leave after a bit to go get a blood transfusion.

Last week I said I'd been told not to visit, but wanted to pop in sometime even for a few minutes. My MIL said ignore that and do what's right. She's right. The WW is off with the OM right now, so she won't know anyway.

It's going to be rough on Easter, as I will be invited as will my Mom. The W will certainly be there - and it wouldn't surprise me if she shows up with the OM, just because. So, I will have to bow out - regardless as I don't want to see her anyway. My Mom won't know what's going on - she's too confused and who knows what she'll think in a week.

I would really like to ask the MIL if she knows anything about the "stop the divorce" thing - I have to say that's still eating at me. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I guess I'll have a real good idea of reality a week from Sunday.

The MIL showed me a picture of the W in a magazine today, she said she was going to frame the article. There was a pic of the W with our dog, sitting in her office in my Mom's furniture she won't give back. I bit my lip and didn't say "that's the first time I've seen the dog since 1/27". They have no idea of all the horrible things the W has said and done - other than warning me to stay away from her parents.

If I were your mother and showed up at the other people's house and saw my DIL with OM..........and then find out that I was not told what was going on, I would be FURIOUS with you!

That is so unfair for you to keep her in the dark when your in-laws know. Don't let her find out in that manner. You need to tell your mother. She will be very hurt, if you don't.

I learned the hard way that when we think we are protecting our older loved ones by not telling them important things, it causes them to get more upset that the truth was withheld.

Disregard! I'm sorry, got my threads mixed up. Your mother is sick.

Hi Sandi - I guess if dementia is sick, then yeah. I won't tell her she can't go to Easter dinner with the IL's, because they will invite her. I will just have to tell her she can probably expect to see the W, and if she does - she will have to mind herself.

She will probably turn down going - which is a shame because that was a real joy in her life.

I'm not even going to ask the IL's if the W is going to be there in hopes of ging, because they might think they'll do something clever like get us back together so they'd say she had other plans.

BTW - did you see the W's message to me and her L last week to "stop the divorce"? And then her strange answer 24 hours later that she really meant something else entirely? Was this temperature checking or just a kick to the gut? Or possibly a momentary case of honest to gosh cold feet?

I haven't checked in with a coach about it since court was 4 days later, and we were totally back to business as usual - not even her email about working together amicably was on the table any longer.