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Feyth,,

One of my friend had her kids ages 42, so you still are young. Your posts seem more upbeat and positive. You go girl! Keep working hard at WHO you want to be and your path will cross with love one (may it be your H or not)

Hugs (((((((((:-)))))))))))

Thank you for the support Rouky! I appreciate it.

Last night I went to a happy hour with some friends that somehow turned into a 6 hour pub crawl through downtown. It was soooo fun! Started with sushi, then moved on to dancing, then moved to a different bar with trivia, then ended with Mexican food . It was not smart audulting, but it sure was fun to let loose!

Who said that as adult we always have to behave like one . How are you doing today?

Hi rouky! So yesterday... I was feeling the aftermath of my night of fun, but it was totally worth it!

I did have an emotional moment thinking about h while on my drive home from work... It's been several weeks since I've cried over him. It's a process to let go... That's for sure.

I think what brought it on was the fact that I am looking for another place to live. My lease is up soon so I'm trying to figure out where I should go. I've already extended my lease twice at the location I'm at and its expensive... Been going into a little bit of credit card debt just to keep things afloat. I know when I move my rent will be cheaper and that will help tremendously. It was so expensive in the first place because it was a supposed to be a short term lease!

So thinking about moving just triggers more emotions...I know I can't blame him for how he makes me feel because I am responsible for my feelings... But it's so not fair that he wanted the marriage to end and yet I'm the one left to figure all this sh*t out and find a new home/ create a new future for myself. My life was completely turned upside down and inside out.

At least it's friday...ohhhh yeahhhh!

Hi Feyth, how are you?

Hi Rouky!
I'm very well! Thanks for checking in! Was out in the desert for 2 days for work. We were staying at a hot springs resort. I was there to run a retreat for some of my internal clients at work. Omg it was sooooo fun! It was a ton of work and I'm exhausted (just got home), but I did get to enjoy the hot springs and relax for a little bit. Last night after all my guests went to bed (or so I thought) I snuck into the grotto at around 11:30pm just for some time to myself. Well, some of the rowdy people in my group walked by, saw I was in there and decided to join me. We ended up staying in there till almost 1am! It was a fun time! I went to a self help conference a month ago and I implement my learnings all the time. Normally, being in a hot springs tub with my colleagues would have made me very uncomfortable.... But I've learned to embrace who I am in an effort to be truly me and truly authentic and also very accepting of others. It's helped me tremendously and I've been enjoying life a lot more as a result. So, back to my story.... It was fun to have fun with my colleagues and they got to know me better because I was willing to self disclose and they were the same way. I feel like we have a deeper bond now. It's pretty cool.

On the h front- nothing new to report. His bday is next week. I wonder what he's going to do. He hates his birthday and year after year I always heard how his birthdays were always a disappointment growing up.. Well this time he's sans me and sans my family who always made a big deal for him.... I wonder what he's going to do? Party it up? Are his friends going to do something for him? Does he have a gf who is going to make it special? I don't know. Not my business I guess.

Hello,
Dang, H has been on my mind all day, thus causing me to cycle through the sadness a bit. I've done pretty well with detachment over the last 2 months and have been GAL like crazy. Life has been great. I've really been letting go, but something in my heart prompted me to go back to the MLC books and DR. I read all morning, had a few good cries, and still just can't shake h out of my brain. So strange... But I guess it's just par for the course! We're bound to have down days.

His bday is on Monday and I'll be seeing him for dog swap. So weird to not be planning a dinner for him or baking a cake.

In about a week we'll also be coming up on the anniversary of ILYBINILWY. I really thought we could make it through that.... And now I'm crying again. Arg. Tough day.

Feyth, I am so sorry that you're hurting right now. I haven't been doing that well lately either. My guess would be that you're down because the anniversary of the BD is next week and his birthday is coming on Monday. So hard not to think about them more and be sad during those times. My anniversary was last week and I just about fell apart. UGH! I'm still feeling it. I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. We are all right here with you and for you. Lean on us anytime you need to. Keep your head up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually we will make it to the end of this crazy journey that none of us want to be on.

Hey Feyth ((((((( )))))))

It is hard to feel the sadness - but it is also a good thing. We need to revisit and grieve and start to let go. Difficult to feel, but healthy. Try to accept your feelings and honour them. Your M as it was mattered to you and of course it is difficult to work through what has happened. Who knows what the future may hold, but your M as it was has come to an end.

You are doing so well, and are moving solidly forward, Sweetie - credit to you xx

Thanks Sotto and MB! I appreciate the support.

The feelings have stayed with me through today, too. I'm just spinning thinking about how he's spending his awesome birthday. Of course in my mind, he's having the time of his life partying away... After party at my house with play boy bunnies and other hot 20 somethings dancing around in bikinis. Ha ha! That's likely not reality, but that's where my mind goes!

Thank goodness I have my pup with me to snuggle with. I must shake these feelings!