Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers NYGal: What now?

Drats!!

NYGal I am the LBS in a similar sitch as you. My wife is having an affair with another woman who was in a committed relationship and is still stringing her W along. I have been following your situation ans it seems eerily similar to mine.

I got a not so great gut feeling when I read that you asked her what she wanted to talk about. What did you expect her to answer? She doesn't know herself, even. I was sad but not surprised about her reaction.

Patience and letting go of control. It's so clearly your 180s.

I've learned a lot about it in the last several years, and I am not naturally a patient person (my dad used to say 'it's not far between thought and action with you'), so I know how hard it can be. I also have to urge to manage and fix situations and control the outcome. Unfortunately, it doesn't work outside work.

I think you did tapped the oyster/scared the squirrel when you asked for an agenda for the meeting.

Just take a note of it and use your painfully gained wisdom for the next encounter.

Hello endofit. I'm sorry you're going through a similar situation. It hurts. I often think there are only a few scripts and they pick one and follow it to the letter. I guess we do, too. I can't believe they are happy, or why would they string anyone along? Are you in touch with the ow's W? Or is your W telling you all this? I wish we could just get to the end of the story. I'm dying to see how it all turns out for all of us!

Thanks Painter for your insight. I really thought I was asking a reasonable question because I was just so scared of being disappointed. But I can see how that would scare her off. I'm going to confess that I did not do good DB today. I was feeling confident I guess so when W texted that we shouldn't talk after all, I wrote back. OK. We could just stare off into space? She wrote back, "Seriously" with a little smiley face. So I asked if she was watching something on the news that I knew she was interested in (an interest that we share, but ow does not) and she wrote back: yoga. I replied, so then you will be staring off into space I guess. Her response: That is funny!!

So, I don't know if that is pursuing or just being light and funny, something I always was w her. It feels like it works better than NC in my situation. I'm also GALing a lot and I've started to post some pics on FB, just in case she's looking.

I wish I knew if that really was ow w red puffy eyes today. I mean, I know her well, I'm just doubting myself and can't believe that she would be crying at work, especially coming from someone else's office.

I wish I didn't care so much.

I have talked to her and I am watching it first hand as well, it is sickening. My Ws OW is doing the exact thing to her W, that my W is doing to me! Temp checking, crumb leaving. Makes me want to puke!!

NYGal,

Those responses are funny. And make you look like you don't have a care in the world. It puts you in a very positive light, and more attractive.

I think that's exactly what DB'ing is about. I congratulate you.

Now, back to being pithy. And confident. And throwing people under the bus!

I think they do it when they really aren't happy in the affair. Sit tight and let's see when your W comes back to you!

Yes, Trumpet, let's get back to the bus. Not to the back of the bus, but back to throwing OPs under nearby buses. Not busses, because that's a kiss. We certainly don't want to throw them under busses. Unless it's with someone who is not our SO, and we have someone video it, and post it to our SO's FB page.

I think they do it when they really aren't happy in the affair. Sit tight and let's see when your W comes back to you!
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That's exactly right I can tell when WW and OW are in a tiff because my WWs contact with me spikes. Like I said its so predictable it is almost funny if it wasn't so sad!