Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Where do we go from here Part 2

Thanks Broke!

So I woke up at 9:30 which is early for me on the weekend. S actually got some good sleep. He seemed depressed on the way home. That was very hard.

Well anyway, WW text me about S's haircut. I didn't respond and then she asked me about her window. Apparently, she took it out and could not get it back in while cleaning. I thought, 'you know, S was just telling me how skinny and stacked I have been looking, why not let WW get an eye full.' Plus, I have all these new clothes! So I got a shower, put on some cologne (sex panther) and new jeans and new shirt. Nothing over the top but maybe a bit tight. And went up to drop S off and fix her window.

After I fixed her window, she talked to me about her neighbors and the gym. I was light and breezy and when she paused a bit, I said well I better get going. Asked if I could use the back door since I parked in the back and she walked me to the door. I left, I did not look back and I don't know if she watched me or not.

I felt good about this! As soon as I got to my car, I breathed a sigh of relief. Came home and did a 4.5 mile run. Problem is the entire time I run and for hours after I am done, I am thinking 'Why the he11 do I do that to myself?' Tonight my doctor and fellow judoka has a birthday party, I think I will go and then maybe meet a different buddy for a beer after.

I hope everyone is having a good day GALing.

Way to go TimR. Looks like this is one of the 60% of the time that the cologne works. It does seem odd to me your W like the smell of pure gasoline.

Glad to hear you had a nice visit with S and W today, Tim! We all know how it can feel trying to keep your game face on while in W/H's company but it sounds like you did an excellent job, I'm taking notes!

Tim -

It sounds like a really great 24 hours! Good for you - I am so glad you had S13 and then got to show off and DB the W. So glad it went well - and have a wonderful time GAL'ing tonight!

I've got to get on this retail therapy - the men are all showing me up :-)! New sexy spring clothes I guess are all the new DB'ing rage!

Nice! I'm glad you got hang out with S!

You're doing really good, my friend. Keep becoming awesome.

Btw.. I bought some new gym clothes. Just FYI lol

I'm glad you had such a good day Tim. You deserved it

Tim, sounds like a nice end to a couple of great days!

You're probably off at your party now - but I'm glad you got a few minute to show off to the W. Even if you wound up fixing her window.

It's also heartening that your S is noticing as well. I think that's pretty great.

Sounds like your roller coaster has hit a straightaway for a little bit - here's hoping there's no more surprises.

Hope you have a great Saturday night, you deserve it.

Hi Tim, glad to see your doing better with your interactions with wife. I have thought about this comment you made " I choose to love her anyway for it". Your wife acted in a kind way and secretly you made note of it. And it made you feel a moment of love.

Do you think walk aways have similar thoughts of us? I am by no means suggesting that we pursue them and buy them gifts and declare our love or be doormats (That is not really a true kindness anyway ) I am thinking that being combative and aggressive is not going to win us anything though. It will only make it easy for them to justify what they are doing. I don't necessarily think a spiteful NC will either. But the kindnesses will make it difficult for them, no?

Thank you everyone for your support. It was nice to show off and it keeps me motivated to keep working and maybe even take it up a notch or two. Last night, I did most of the warm up with the kids and even managed 15 pull ups and then 10 chin ups. Today I did 4.5 miles again but my time was slower. But that's ok I still completed it and I will be faster next time.

I went to the birthday party but did not stop at the bar. My friend apparently drank at home and was worried about driving. Can't blame him.

JujuB, you asked if I thought our WS think about us. The small good moments. You know I do. Twice now I heard from two different people that she has made comments about how well we get along together. So at least in my sitch, I think she does think of me for a bit after a good interaction. When you think about it, we have spent so much time with them, how could they not think of us. In my case and probably many other cases, I think that can create anxiety of 'oh poop, I am hope I am not falling for them again.' I also think when OM/W is around those feelings get swallowed up by the addict mentality. But those honeymoon feelings are going to have to end. They did for all us. My plan is when those that world begins to crumble, I am still on her mind and those positive thoughts about me, the changes I have made, my physical appearance being better than when we started dating, my commitment to S and just little things will start flooding her mind and heart. Then she will be ready to take a step or two to R. It will be hard but cause she will have to deal with the betrayal and have to look herself in the mirror. So that is just my humble opinion. I think for my WW if I am pitch black it is easier to walk away, doesn't work out with OM then on to the next. But if there are little inconsequential conversations when the time comes, I hope I will be on the tip of her tongue.

The issue for me is the kids, because I do have to put them ahead of myself and M. Also, how long will this take? and will I still be there when she is ready?

Like Tyler posted on another thread, my ship has to maintain course and hers will have to catch up.

I'm going to be in a similar situation soon, so I have to ask you: Is fixing her window a DB thing to do? My WW is pretty clueless around the house and on the computer. I'm sure she will be calling on me to help her set up her internet, etc. The vets seem to think that I should just let her float and find her own solution, since she fired me as her husband. But it's partly for my son's sake as he needs it for his homework. Should I do these tasks? It seems like in Detaching you should just let her figure out for herself the things that you do as a husband that she will be missing, right?