Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Ups and downs (II)

You both are doing so good and are an inspiration for me. I need help not taking people for granted and being empathetic to others. I am trying to practice this in Divorce care but I still find myself looking at the clock, especially when one guy is talking. That is terrible of me cause he is talking and I am thinking, "can we just move on." I know that makes me a horrible self centered person, so I have been trying to actively listen to what he says and offer my 2 cents. But boy I need to really work on this. I think it is because if someone is pouring their heart out I feel uncomfortable, I think I did the same with WW. Like I said I am working on it but have a ways to go.

What I need help with
1. How to be positive when things are not going the way I want them to.

I am not sure I can help you be positive when things are not going the way you want but I can explain what is happening. When you become disappointed by circumstances it's because you were attached to a particular outcome. When that outcome does not occur negative feelings surface. The trick is not to be attached or predisposed to any outcome. It is okay to prefer certain outcomes but when they are not met accept reality. This is easier said then done but this is how I do it.

TimR

There is a really cute 3 minute TED talk on empathy. Google Brene Brown on empathy. (I like her one on blame as well)

Thanks Juju I will check it out.

Hey Juju,

Just checking in on you, hope you are having good night!

Hi Jujub, I have the same problem a you regarding being positive when things are going my way. I hope people won't think I'm a wimp, but when I'm stressed, something upset me or don't go my way I cry like a baby (and I can see this pattern in one of my kids. Well recently I ended up in this situation, and instead of crying I took a deep breath and repeat this 5 times, I was still stressed but not to the point of crying so I took it as a positive.

It is hard for us to see anything positive, so each day I write down 3 things I'm grateful for and one positive thing that has happened to me.

I hope this help.

So husband called today. Told me he never called cause he fell asleep and was tired and working and getting over flu. All he wanted was to change schedule for taking kids and ask me about taxes.

It is all written out so clearly. He doesn't give a s..t about anything but work and himself. It hurts so much though. I don't know how to get past this pain. I am really hurting over and over.

Plan

1. Feeling better so getting back to exercise.
2. Read a book someone recommended about healing through abandonment.
3. Researching the hell out of positivity.
4. Trying to get into a divorce care group
5. Calling a hypnotherapist, to see if they can help with negativity, and maybe even detachment..,any experience with this? (I wish there was really a way to erase my memory like in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind)

I thought this was supposed to get easier with time!

Some sitches do resolve in time, others not so much.

It depends on both the wayward and the LBS. I think walkway sitches are more rational.

Abuse and MLC seem to be much tougher.

V

Vanilla, I don't know what type of sitch mine is. Maybe a combo. Husband says I was verbally abusive. Dysfunctional yes. A bit lazy with house work, definatly. Abusive though? I don't know. I am not proud of a lot of the things I said when I was frusturated, that's for sure. I am doing great at holding back many comments I want to make now though.

I was hoping that my own mental state would not still be so dependent upon my optimism regarding husband and reconciliation. I am really hoping it is due to my lack of GAL and I can improve this.