Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

You're right Thornton and Spark. I think right now, I'm struggling with the baby and family thing. God, I want that. It would be so great to raise kids with H. He doesn't know it but he would be such an awesome dad. I know I'll be a good mom one day too...it's coming, it's going to happen.

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time Hope. Let it out and don't hold it in. You deserve love and will experience a great love whether it is with WH or you find a guy who truly deserves you. If H is too stupid to realize that it is HIS loss.

Thank you Tim. I dnt know why weekends, heck nights, are so rough. And I should really just be over this by now.

Hope everyones having a good Sunday :-)

Sorry Hope. Weekends have gone from Yoohoo! to Awww hell. It's like trudging through knee deep mud. But we did it last weekend, and the one before that.

Just know that I am rooting for you. Maybe you can get yourself started with a plan of action from today forward. It seems to be easier to start crossing things off a list and seeing some accomplishments however minute they are.

Haha, thats very true about the weekends Day. I used to be itching to leave work on Fridays b/c I couldn't wait to get into some mischief with H. Now it's like, "Well I can do this, and go here, etc." Basically reaching for anything that will get my mind off of things.

I need to take action and having anxiety b/c I don't want to. B/c to me that means the end and all hope is lost. The struggle is so freaking real.

So many thoughts every minute of everyday. I want to scream. I literally want to throw my hands up and scream. But I won't. B/c that would be crazy right? Lol. I did the gym thing a little while ago and going to have dinner with a friend in a little but that I kind of know through H - she knows and talks to H's best friends. Oh, and I also got a ride to church this morning from one of H's other best friends this morning (he's live upstairs from me). That was hard b/c we used to hang out with him ALL the time...tried to stay light and smile. Oh well.

Thank you Tim. Your words really made me feel special.

Hope,

I am sorry you are feeling so low. Weekends are really hard, so much time to fill and too much time to think about H and your sitch.

Please don't worry about having a family yet. My aunt didn't meet her H until she was 36, they dated 9 months, got married and had a child when she was 40. She is blissfully happy and her daughter is now 22 and is a great person. You have time.

I am sure it doesn't help much to hear that because you are worried it won't happen. God has a plan for us. I have to put my faith in that. My S12 told me that he has been praying since July that my H and I wouldn't get divorced. I reminded him what our priest said: God always answers our prayers, but sometimes he says no because he knows what's best for us. Sometimes he has better plans. I am hopeful that He has better plans for all of us who are loyal and standing for our marriages. I hope that all of us will get that chance to have "better plans" with or without our WAS's.

I hope that you enjoy your dinner tonight. Remember that how we feel right now is temporary - that we won't be stuck in limbo forever. And, we will come out much stronger and a better version of ourselves in the process.

Thank you broke. Luckily, I was able to do dinner and catch up with my friend, and that was nice to not be alone. Although, I tend to drink and then I have thoughts that are not good.

I can't help but worry about a starting a family. I know I have time, I just wanted to get all this going by a certain age and never thought in a million years that H would do this. Like even now, I'm wondering where in the world he is, and he must just be living his life out loud, with no attachment. I look at pics and sometimes wonder why are we even in this position? Is what we had so terrible that it drove him away and forced him to abandon everything we had just like that. And the more time that passes on, the more I feel him rubbing off on me that, maybe it is mutual at this point. Apparently, this is what he wants so I may as well just accept it right? I don't want to give up on my M but what am I fighting for if the man doesn't even talk to me? Oh I know what I'm fighting for. You see, this is how conflicted I am.

And I know God has a plan for all of us. And I came to the understanding of how He answers prayers a few months ago. He's already answered alot of my prayers, and some others I just need to step back and observe and really keep my eyes, ears and heart open to what those answers are.

I'm just feeling great and miserable at the exact same time. I haven't heard from H, don't have a clue where he is and I just feel like I have no other choice but to just keep moving forward. I want to start a new M with him. I want to laugh and love again with him. I want to bring him into the world I'm creating for myself b/c I'm so different now.

Hope I can understand about a family. When I first started dating WW I did not even like kids. It was over the years that I fell in love with the kids. Even wrestling parents who have been with us since we started and my assistant coach has commented to me how I made a 180 from when we started the club to now. From their comments I understand I was very cold and technical to the kids and now I am much more friendly with the kids. Now I REALLY want kids of my own. My WW and I always joked about having kids... we are both pale (or as I like to say pearly). Well anyway we joked that we would have a kid the same complexion as Powder, if you ever saw that movie.

Now that we are not together, I wander will I ever have a child of my own. This is such a depressing thought to me and breaks my heart.

Thanks for understand Tim. I know you've mentioned that on your thread before. I think we're so in the "now" that it's hard to see past all the rubble.

I'm just really annoyed. Its as if I don't exist anymore to H and he doesn't exist to me. Out of sight, out of mind I guess...