Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

I understand what you guys are saying and I know none of you want D either. But for some reason, when I read the D stories you've posted, I don't feel excited or empowered about life after D at all. If anything, it makes me mad that that may be apart of my history and my future.

Another thought Ive been thinking is that H seems to be a master DBer! Is DBing basically us mirroring the WAS thoughts and action but making it work for ourselves?

Also, there are a few financial things looming that H said he would take care of and needs to address now. How should I approach him about this- especially since we've been NC? I wanted him to initiate but he hasnt since I've seen him which makes me mind read that he felt good about himself, like he put his "good deed" time in by coming to check in on his poor, lonely wife who can't seem to get it together. How do I approach this?

Are the financial things going to affect you?

Yes: Taxes, phone bills, etc.

Hope - I wish I could give you a hug today. Seems like you need one and I am one of the best at it :-).

I would only reach out to H about the financial things if you absolutely have to. I would keep NC if you can because, otherwise, you start over again….

If he doesn't show signs of addressing them before they're due,
I would just send something in email/txt that basically just says "Hi. We need to figure out what we're doing about taxes/phone/etc. Let me know what you would like to do about them."

Puts the ball in his court, doesn't sound like you're using it as an excuse to talk to him, etc.

Agree with Sparkles….give it time if you can. Otherwise, her wording for text or email sounds great.

I would add to keep if very business like. When you talk keep it very business like as well.

I am sorry for your bad day Hope, tomorrow is a new day. We are all going to break down different days. We are entitled to IMO because look at what we are going through. Yes there are people who just move right along and we may look at them and say 'boy I wish I was that person' they got divorced and did not miss a beat. Well that is not us, we are loyal loving people and you know what, maybe that is the best thing about us, even though it is the thing that will also cause us the most pain.

I long for the day I wake up and don't feel the pain but I also dread that day.

This is all just giving me a headache. I'm trying to give it as much time as possible to see what he does. We're getting messages about things that are now late, overdue. But I'm giving him the opportunity to initiate contact.

I'm also feeling a bit irritated b/c I have to rent out my apartment to a stranger so I can have help paying my bills and to save up and move to another apt. I don't want to have a some stranger in "our" place. I don't want to live with anyone but H. And I don't want to have to move without H. And I know ppl say it doesn't matter if I move out of our marital space to my own place, that will not determine whether or not we get back together, but I can't help but feeling like me moving will solidify the end of our M.

Oh, Hope, I am sorry that you are financially in a tight spot. It is bad enough to be in this emotional turmoil without adding that to your burden. What is the better option for you? Having a person move in or you moving out? What is best for Hope?

I do understand how you feel…..I dread the day that H comes and moves out the remainder of his stuff. I am guessing it is in a month when his new house is complete. So, when I think about it, I completely feel your sadness and hurt. I just want you to weigh your options in your best interests because H is obviously in a fog and not thinking clearly at all. Don't let your credit get bad if you can avoid it.

I can relate. I feel like if I sell our home, symbolically it means there's no turning back.