[quote=daybyday]For now, Just get through the next few days. And then the next. And then the next.
This is so well put and essentially the formula for getting through this. The rejection hurts on a daily basis, whether we're interacting with them or not but we have to trust the process and know that DBing as much for us as it is for the health and future of our M's.
And I'm here to jump on the bandwagon with Sparkls and broke - my H went from saying I love you but I am not in love with you, but I don't want a D and the more I pushed all of a sudden the only path he saw was D. So I agree with the others - do not bring up any R talk b/c this only pushes them away and adds to our rejection because they're not going to tell us what we want to hear. It's very difficult, believe me I know. But you will get better at it over time. Granted over a long time but, time.
And try to keep an optimistic attitude that what you're doing will have a wonderful affect on your life and your M.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
Oh, daybyday, don't get me wrong. Everyone on this board has and deserves the occasional pity party. In fact, I remember throwing one for myself just last Wednesday (I am sure you gave your support :-). But, I wanted you to know that you are absolutely worthy! And, I wanted to encourage you to set GAL goals and 180's….it will be a great distraction from your sitch with the added benefit that your W will notice. So, be sad tonight - drink wine and watch bad reality tv (that's what I do!). Then, tomorrow is a new day to start fresh. (just don't stop DB'ing in the meantime!)
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Thanks Hope. Glad your gave your feedback. I value everyones on this board. I think i'm doing very well dbing even if my posts dont seem to show it. I rarely pursue and rarely bring up R talk. I leave convos first and have not pleaded or begged since bomb.
I try to think 5 steps ahead before I act and thats why I struggle sometimes and stress unnecessarily.
Broke, will Dos Equis work instead of wine? i feel like it is working. :-)
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Food network! Learn a new skill while chilling out.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
Checking in on you. Sounds like you're having a tough time.
I know the dread and panic you are feeling. But W moving out isn't the last chapter in your story, it just feels like it.
Something that I always believed to be true... If you love something set it free, if it comes back it's meant to be, if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.
I think as men, we want to fix things. We want resolution. So to stand back and watch our lives crumble before our eyes, goes against every fiber in our being.
But DBing is often the opposite of what we think we should do.
You are going to have to dig deep, D. And you are going to have to summon strength that you didn't know you had. It's there, trust me.
Hold yourself together while you are around her. And when she leaves, have a good cry and let it all out.
The good news is that you won't have to walk around on eggshells anymore. The bad news is the loneliness.
Like you, I'm an introvert. My W and kids were my entire life. I felt completely lost when she left. But it gets better. Time takes time, D. You have to let the healing nature of time do its thing.