Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Hanging in there with hope

I like that! Thanks!!

Well I believe it's over for good with us. After him cheating on me and me leaving in Oct it's been hell. You has a girlfriend that he was cheating on her with me. Even tho I love him and know I've made a ton of mistakes. He basically hates me now and won't speak to me because I took his gf everything. I'm upset with myself for making so many mistakes. He is definitely not worth degrading my self respect and self worth for. I have to be strong and move on and leave him alone. It so not healthy. Please wish me luck as I try to let go and move on. I have no choice in the matter.

Hi Tam, I'm sorry to read this my friend. Can you explain a little more what you mean...he hates you and won't speak to you because you (told?) his GF everything? So, you saw her and told her he cheated on her with you?

If you can explain a little more to us, maybe we can help? Yes, like all of us, you may have made mistakes - but that needn't mean this is the end. Please don't despair. But the important thing is to learn from what hasn't gone well and do it better next time.

I hope you'll post some more and we can offer more support xx

I sent her a pm on fb and told her what he has been doing and saying to me. That he wants back together, loves me etc. but it wasn't true. He told me he doesn't have feelings for me after all and that he'll never forgive me for telling her that. He wants her.

Well, I guess you already know that contacting OW isn't a good idea. Truly, she is nothing to you and not worthy of your valuable attention - she is your H's problem. Plus, it looks like a desperate move to try and win him back - which backfired sadly.

Do recognise though, that whilst he may say all of this right now - it may not always be the case. My main worry for you is that of not following the DB rules. You've 'gone off on one' (ie FB PM) and didn't post here for advice at all - then you came back here to post when it's time to try and pick up the pieces. It's a bit frustrating.

I would suggest you have a look at the 37 rules - laminate them, read them every day in earnest and really start to 'live' the rules in your daily life and any interactions with your H. However, I don't believe the situation is hopeless. It only becomes so if and when you give up hope....and there is a rule about that too of course.

For now, regroup and leave him (and definitely her!) alone and focus on your own DBing efforts and moving forward from this episode.

I'm sorry if any of the above sounds blunt at all - I don't intend it so and only hope to help. Take care my friend xx

No it's all true. I and only I have to power to make good decisions. It's time for me to step up too the plate! I bought another book today and an audio book. Today is my fresh start to do the right thing for myself. I will keep posting. I love this site. I'm giving it up to God and let him lead for a change.

Sotto, you have been so great responding to me and I thank you!!

Day 3 of me not contacting him at all. Feeling more peaceful and less out of control. I'm going to db right this time. There is so much anger and resentment right now between both of us any contact would do more harm than good.

Actually it's day 4, not day 3 so yay for me. This is going to be a tough weekend for me because my step daughter is getting married and I wasn't invited which was very sad for me but she knew her dad was going to bring the gf so it is what it is. My 21 yr old son is going to be marrying them( he got ordained online) and my 15 yr old son will be an usher so I hate to miss it. I am going to make plans with friends and try to stay busy and peaceful all weekend. Pray for me please...

Tam,

Hang in there. You'll get through it. Keep busy with your friends and spoli yourself a little bit.