Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife has filed for divorce

You give yourself waaaaaaaaaaaay too much credit, I am pretty sure you did not damage her to the point of divorce.

And you are doing waaaaaaaay too much mind reading thinking you know what your W is thinking.

But you are right in not waiting for her to get her $hit together.

Do not underestimate the wyliness of a WAW.

Stay strong buddy, you are doing quite well...

I had a strange situation tonight where my w became angry that I still had not found somewhere to move to. she said that I have let her down and keep changing the date when I promised to look for a place. She then said "we will never get back together now!" I asked why? she said because I'm a ditherer! She then went on to say that I have been putting doubt in her mind about the d. I only told her that I am working on myself and I will show her a better man. She finally said that she is still hurting.

Should I take a positive from this? Did she slip up and give me hope? Not sure how to take it.

Water off of a duck's back, just let it slide. Don't get your expectations up. Hope is ok, that is what makes us get up each morning, but expectations, bad for you, because you die a little each time these are not met, so axe the expectations.

Well you were right vapo, today she has been terrible towards me, putting me down, saying that if it wasn't for the kids she would have left years ago. Our 8 year old the went into a rage, calling me names and shouting at me whilst my w just stood there. She wants me out of the house asap due to the effect on the children. She is the only one raising her voice here yet I am being vilified as a nasty man by my daughter and a bad parent and husband by my w. The atmosphere has been awful and I don't think relations will improve until I leave. I can't see a way back right now. How could I ever be respected when I am being treated like dirt. I know my w is hurting but what could I do from now on? I still have to find a place to live.

Excile- I hope someone with experience with WAW will post too. But my advice would be to absolutely walk away when she is treating you that way, especially in front of your daughter. You need to set a boundary about that. Maybe say something like I understand you are feeling frustrated but I will not be treated so disrespectfully especially in front of D8. Walk away. Say nothing else. Do not get angry. I think that's unacceptable for you to accept that and it's teaching your daughter to do it too.

Set a boundary, that you will not be spoken to with disrespect and if she starts disrespecting you, you walk out of the room. No need to get angry.

As far as your anger goes, it is OK to get angry and to get the anger out, a baseball and an old trash can can do wonders, or go for a drive with volume waaaaay up and you can scream all sort of profanities and get it out of your system. I am not kidding, try it, it does help...

I kept very calm through all this, I told my w, no more lectures! and walked away. When my d8 came home, she was fine again although I can't even look at my w. I cannot speak to her, I've had enough for one day. I am an understanding, tolerant guy but I can't put up with constant critisisms when the end result is for her justifying the divorce. I am constantly beaten down, have been for years. My issue now is surviving the next two weeks or until I find accomodation.

I feel your frustration excile101. Like others have said to you, boundaries are needed. If not for your sanity, for the sake of your D. You don't want her to grow up thinking it is acceptable behavior.

I also relate to your sitch and how your W is adamant about you moving out. My WW wants me out and constantly gives me grief telling me I would have moved out already if I cared about her or my D3. She says I'm toxic. Although I'm angry, I'm not nearly as angry as my WW. It's got to the point where I'm considering it for my D3 well being. You may have to do the same given your sitch. In the meantime, all you can do is walk away and sometimes that isn't good enough. My WW has followed me to other rooms to continue her spew.

I wish you luck and hope for the best. Vaya con dios.

It's difficult to see a way back to the marriage right now but there is alot of anger and hurt talking from my w. Constant mixed messages about the future and then, like yesterday, a tyrade of reasons she doesn't want to reconcile ever. She may calm down and see things differently when I give her space, but it's not healthy for me at the moment. I'm exhausted. She has to get what she wants ot else I am letting her down. If I love her I will leave is her thinking. Be interesting to see if she will miss me and see that the grass isn't greener.

Oh, she surely will miss you, but do not hang around and watch her if (when) she misses you or not. And even if (when) she misses you, it will take time for her to swallow her pride and admit she was wrong. That is if she happens...

It is a total waste of time waiting on her to move, you do know that watched kettle never boils, right? So you grow for yourself, When (if) she is ready to return, she will come...