Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Where will we go from here

Hang in there. My sleep pattern matches yours for the past four months.

Tim - do you have a counselor? You could ask your counselor for the name of social worker or family therapist.

Keep doing what your doing - thinking it through, talking it out and not letting your emotions get best of you. We are all pulling for you!

I 2nd Ojap. Plus, even if they are unable to help you, they may be able to direct you to resources and people who can help you.

Unfortunately, anytime I try to speak with her civilly about anything of a serious nature she begins with I am trying to control her and then claims I am being nasty to her even when I am validating. Then she changes the subject to something else to attack me on and refuses to go back the real subject.

I considered asking about the mediation program but if it comes from me I cannot see a possible way she would agree. I hope if maybe the attorney asks her she will agree.

This is such a hard decision to make. I continue to obsess about over every possibility. I just don't know what I need to do. I am praying for something to tell what I need to do.

I am going to contact the school counselor and see what I can figure out. I also think he needs to speak to someone about this because I can tell how much it is bothering him. Maybe they can give me some advice too. I will also speak to my counselor if I have a chance. I see him next Thursday. Additionally, going to try and meet my priest and discuss it with him.

I don't know what else to say. I am still soooo angry! Sorry I have been neglecting others boards but just not really good company right now.

I'm so sorry, Tim. I cannot imagine what you are going through. My H is a cheater and a liar. But, he does love his sons and I would never "use" them to get back at him.

You seem like a great guy who wants to do the right thing. I wish there was something else I could think of to help you. Does she have a L? Can your L reach out to hers and discuss before you file and open the can of worms with biological dad? Maybe if her L was one talking to her the emotions would be taken out....

Until you can CONTROL this anger
I would suggest saying NOTHING.

Their is probably a lot of truth in what she says.

Sorry to have to tell you this.

Thank you Broke. She does not have a lawyer yet, I do not think she has the money to get one right now. I think if she did she would filed for divorce by now. However, you did give me an idea. WW works with lawyers and maybe mine could reach out to one of them and speak with them. Maybe they would be willing to speak with her. I know one WW works with she really respects.

Cadet I am sorry but I do not understand what you mean that there maybe a lot of truth in what she is saying?? I acknowledge I contributed greatly to our problems, I did lack opening up to her, in displaying my affection for her and neglecting her and our M. Maybe I am not clearly self evaluating right now but I cannot for the life of me figure out how I contributed to her using S as a chess piece to hurt me or cheating on me. Even regardless of the cheating for the life of me I cannot understand how there is truth in her threatening S that she will never let him see me again or being mean to him for wanting to spend time with me.

Again I am not perfect but cannot see the truth in that. Honestly all I can see is a person willing to destroy their own flesh and blood for their own self satisfaction. We are adults dealing with adult situations we both should be able to put our feelings aside for the benefit of the kids.

What I am saying is that all she sees is your anger.

Kind of like the bull in the ring only
seeing the matador with a red cape.

This has nothing to do with the truth or anything you may
be saying.
She sees ANGER!

This is the part that you can CONTROL.

You need to DETACH from her and not let
her see your anger.

Does that make more sense?

Cadet yes that does make more sense but I have not been in contact with her. We argued on Friday, well she screamed but since then she has ridden two hours eachway in a car with me and we were pleasant... more than just civil. I sent her and offer to take S to the doctor and when she became hostile I merely offered her the money to take him. WW became demeaning so I did not respond on Monday. I have been truly validating and have not been angry. It was not until last night when S began opening up that I got angry. Since that time we have not been in contact because you are correct, I would not be able to contain my anger and detach. It is just such a huge thing.

My problem is detaching from this. She can say mean things to me, I can detach. She can cheat and tell me it is my fault and I can detach (well I can act detached) and but on a happy face and tone of voice. But this I can't.

I am not going to do anything rash without thinking it through because any decision I make is going to effect this boy for his entire life. I have to make the RIGHT decision or at least the best decision. The decision that will protect him emotionally, physically, and financially. I am willing to sacrifice my own emotional, physical and financial stability in order to provide this for him. The issue is I have to find out what course of action best does that for him.

Thanks Cadet.

Yes, that is probably wise.
Take a step back and think things through rationally. In marital stuff, whenever I acted on impulse and emotions, I came to regret the matter later.