I posted this on my thread which is a copy of what Zues posted on Fo thread. I think it may help:
"Zues wrote this on Fo's thread yesterday and it opened my eyes. He wrote "Remember- if you can't enjoy your life the way it is today...with your children, your gifts, your friends, your health, your freedom, your safety...then God giving you back your H won't change the fact you're going to be a miserable person." This is so simple yet brilliant."
You may be making your happiness conditional on your marital situation. My instructor at the meditation center I used to attend told me once of what his instructor said to him once. My instructor asked him how he was and he responded "I have many problems and I am very happy." When we cling to attachment we set ourselves up for negative emotions. Enjoy your babies, I wish mine were young again. Peace
I know Mutatio. I wish I could be posting about how happy I am despite husband leaving me. There are moments that I am...dancing/cuddling/reading with kids, joking with friends.
But then I feel hurt by an inaction or unfair treatment by husband. (For example. He texts me about kids, I respond, then no return text...like ok or ttyl, or something to show that yes I am a person and this is how you engage with another human being. ) I feel like I am being disrespected. And I know the answer is to detach. In order for me to detach, I will have moved on
Just that one lack of response to my text makes me want to file with the sleaziest lawyer I can find. It makes me want to hurt him (the only thing that seems to hurt him is the threat to his finances) the way he has hurt me (stone walling)
Juju I know you are just venting. You are too good of a person to take the low road. We all have our standards and morals and yours are high. Even though I don't know you in real life, I can still tell you are a person of high values. And you can always hold your head up high about that!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Husband has mentioned 2 x that he wants to find a new job most likely in a different state. He once blamed this on me asking for child support. (Saying he cannot afford to live here)
I wonder if there is a woman he is interested in, in another state through his job?
I think that perhaps he wants me to file so that he can move to a different state guilt free. He can blame it on me. He can move away from his family through self denial and selfishness.
Right now I have no proof of this, it's just a scenario that entered my head based on something he brought up twice. I get enraged at husband. Am I paranoid and neurotic or foreseeing? This is how I think and I don't know how to get away from those types of thoughts.
Usually,if someone is not treating me fairly or with respect (husband is not) then You are supposed to leave. People will only treat you the way you allow. Me not moving on shows husband that he can continue to treat me the way he has and I will not change anything.
IMHO and with no scientific evidence whatsoever, trust your gut. I do not mean just cause you feel it believe it. You know WAH better than anyone and if your feeling it keep very alert.
I don't know whether it is better to know or not but just stay alert. For your sake I hope that you are wrong on it, but you may also never know for sure. Keep working on you and take control of your own happiness while keeping an ear to the pavement.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
I suffer from undiagnosed anxiety so it is hard to trust my gut. I can convince myself I have certain diseases or someone I love was in a car accident and literally cry over it. It is completely real to me, for a little while anyway.
I have thought up numerous scenarios of husband already. Someone told me, I want it to be true because then it is easy answer for me. I just move on.
Still have not researched trips with kids. Your right, I should put mind to that because it is healthier for me and a way to escape my mind
"In many of our cases (especially husbands leaving) spouses had serious health issues or had to deal with recent death in the family. Why does that make them Want to leave instead of recognize the fact that life is short, let me me work with and appreciate the things that are truly important. (Especially since it's not just spouse that are being left but kids as well). What is going on psychologically?"
I am not a psychologist but I'll take a stab at it. I guess that the triggering event coalesces with some MLC issues. The individual is unhappy with they're circumstance and they feel this may be they're last chance to make they're life match they're delusion.
Sorry Mutatio, I missed this post (we must have been posting at same time) and just saw it.
I still do not understand the neglect of the kids. I do not understand the elective death..murder? of the most important things in life. Life is short, so make it about family. What else is there? How does he see things so different from me. I do not understand the priorities.
Sounds like you suffer from OCD. Every seen a therapist about it?
No. I need to. I thought it was more anxiety or neurosis. (I feel like a female woody Allen character) Although I guess they are forms of each other. Funny that husband has a form of it as well. I am affected by thoughts. He washes hands and has difficulty leaving house and has trouble completing things.
