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Do you guys have a sign that will tell you it's really over, donzo, no more? Like with my WH telling his friends "he's done." Is there some act that will really indicate to you it's over?
My counselor asked me this. And I'm having a hard time coming up with an answer.

Well, that's an interesting question because it makes me feel foolish because I have plenty of signs that it is over:

1. he's having an affair and won't give it up
2. he filed for divorce
3. he bought a house
4. he told boys he was proceeding with D

So, I am not sure what other sign I should probably have. But, I just can't seem to "drop the rope"....7 months just doesn't seem like enough for a 25-year relationship and family, but H doesn't seemed moved to reconcile. Can't wait to see what others say because I am pretty sure my IC thinks I am nuts to still have hope.

For me, I give up when I no longer have feelings of love for her. The only thing that does that for me is the passage of time.

I think people know when it's time to let go. You will wake up one morning and not care.

I hope you are right, Thornton. I am ready for the knot in my stomach to be gone one morning when I wake up.....

Me too. I tend to wake up from dreams about him with this profound feeling of loss. Some days are better than others but I just miss my best friend, my lover etc.

I hear you SparkSB. I don't really know what sign will tell me that it's time to give up and walk away but I will tell you that I was ready to give up a few times when I felt that God was telling me not to give up. I've got your back. The most vivid example happened a couple of weeks back. I was fed up with my WW and was using her BS lines about not caring and never loving against her. I was completely sick of her nonsense and was about to open a can of texting whoop a$$ when my phone died on me. I tried to turn it back on but it didn't turn on so I figured I'll go charge it and text her a bit later. A short time later (before I could charge it) my phone started dinging. It was my WW, she hadn't finished letting me know how awful I am. My only explanation ia that the Man upstairs didn't want me to send the text I was about to send so I erased it and never sent it. Ever since then, I have become much better at ignoring her passive aggressive and "bait" texts. I still don't know if things will work between us but I feel like I have some help from God to get me through this one way or another.

Back to your question, I think knowing it's the end will be kind of like when I had to say good bye to my pet dog about 7 years ago. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I was dreading that day all the way between August when he lost use of his rear legs (but still had a real zest for life, just couldn't move much) until the end in December. I knew he was steadily deteriorating and one day I came home and I "knew" that it was time to say goodbye to a dear friend that I had for 11 years. I still miss him and it is bringing tears to my eyes as I write (tears that I can't seem to muster at this time for my WW). My point is that it will be intuitive. I suspect that you and I as well as the others on this board will just "know" when it's time.

I wish you well on your journey. Vaya con dios.

Had a good session with IC last night.

We talked about how I blame myself for so much of this breakup.

He gave me an exercise, to keep 2 sheets of paper. And when I get these thoughts about blaming myself, determine if it really should be something I own or W owns, then jot it down on either her paper or mine.

We also talked about my feelings of betrayal by W, how she lied to me for a year and was secretly drinking. He said alcoholics are notorious liars. They even lie to themselves. That made me feel a little better. It made me feel like maybe I didn't have as much control over our sitch as I thought I did. That maybe there was nothing I could of done to prevent this.

There are absolutely things I did to F up this relationship as well. But I have been blaming myself for all of it. When she left, she blamed me for everything and made me out to be this monster that she needed to escape from and I believed her.

IC said relationships with addicts can suck you into this warped mindset. I've been trying to untangle myself from it since W left. I have some moments of clarity every now and then but then fall back into my old ways of thinking. It's tough stuff.

IC did say, I'm an honest person. And honest people sometimes get fooled into thinking that everyone is honest as well. Food for thought.

Tonight I'm back in the gym.

Sounds like you had a productive night Thornton. Glad to hear you are making progress through IC and keeping up in the gym.

While I cannot say I am making progress, I am keeping up in the gym. My back is feeling a bit better and I managed to make it through my entire routine last night and even added 2 minutes on to my running. Getting closer to that 5k... I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.

You certainly cannot blame yourself for W decisions. None of us can. Did we play a part... Yes. Were we perfect... No. But look at all of us here desperately trying to save our M. If that says nothing about our character and level of commitment, our WASs are completely blind.

I am sure you made mistakes, D justifying mistakes I don't think so. In fact probably mistakes that most sane women would not bat an eye at or in the very least would tell you it bothers them and you would correct. I have not known you that long and have seen that you have grown incredibly but I do not think the pre-separation Thornton was a bad guy either!

Stay strong buddy.

Wondering if this happened to me between last night and this morning? I'm not at peace with it but then again, it is what it is.



I've said these exact same words. I miss my friend. I miss his gestures, his laugh. I forgot where I saw the discussion about physical affects of all this but I also wake up a lot throughout the night feeling completely alone in the world. And I've suffered from extreme hair loss b/c of this.



I feel that way alot and I think that's what keeps me holdin' on.