Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wow, mind is blown 14

We always, even in our worst time had daily contact due to S4. Not necessarily hi, how are you but almost always some sort of crossing paths whether on the phone or in person. It is just recently that either of us have reached out to each other on other subjects.

While things were looking fairly good, we would both initiate. Typically just a good morning or have a good day at work type thing. Then after work, typically she would initiate because she would be off work earlier than me. Some nights it wasn't much of anything, just a few texts, small talk. Other times it would be quite a bit of joking around and just feeling like a couple...

in that time is when she would frequently ask to call and then would initiate the R talks and really open up. In this time span is also when she started the actions to back up her words.

This lasted until last Thursday. That is the day she went in and quit her job. she was still talkative and really friendly right after that. Some time Thursday evening is when it changed without warning. Kept the PMA up all through Friday and Saturday, just figuring she was having bad days. Sunday was when the I don't know where I stand line was given.

Personally, I feel like there has just been so much change in her life over the last few days/weeks that she's overthinking and trying to process everything? I had been just keeping up with what seemed to be working and being there but not trying to be overbearing.

I think now I pull back completely and see what happens? The squirrel got spooked, maybe it was me, maybe a branch fell in the woods? Either way I can't continue what I've been doing because it's almost as if we went backwards a month.

I agree, it is time to pull back.

I also think that what you thought was good or working was you just feeling better because there was interaction. It was more than likely a habit for her.

You need to get out of the way a bit and see what happens. Record what results appear.

I battle the same as you though. I feel a lot better with good interaction but it is counter intuitive for me because i then crash back down.

What is right? dont know. But nothing really has changed on her end except we feel comfortable around each other when we are.

I won't lie, the interaction felt good. It was the content of the conversations which (I see now) got my expectations through the roof. If it would have just been civil conversations about S4 I would have thought nothing of it. It was more than that, one day she made a comment about the new rugs I bought and mentioned they wouldn't match this or that from her apartment... She is like jeckel and Hyde! Haha

Ok, I literally just looked back through my and XF's texts over the past month. When anything was first mentioned, I said nothing of it for 8 or 9 days. She then came to me and was much more talkative and receptive. That is when she began hinting around at wanting what we had and missing us. Then the bigger talks started and progressed up to say last Thursday. Since then, it has been me initiating most interaction that happened via text. Defiantly time to let her stew on everything discussed and come back to it on her own.

There you go, buddy.

Experiment and monitor results. It's all right there in black and white on your phone.

I wish I could post screenshots here, it was so surreal reading those convos! Damn near brought a tear to my eye... It was honestly like looking at a conversation from 2 years ago between us.

Yeah, you caught a glimpse of your real XF.

I imagine it feels similiar to early on in your sitch.

Hang in there man. There are some positive things happening. You need to stay patient and continue to do what works.

The other thing I would add Uphill is try for 'subtle.' There is a sense in your sitch of surging forward or hauling back linked to what your XF is putting out. I may be over stating that...but I think if you can manage more subtle warm ups or cool downs, that's a good way to go. So, rather than doing a big pull back - just aim for a gentle withdrawal.

JMHO of course and good luck xx

Sotto gives great advice. I like the "subtle" reference.

Well withdrawing completely at this point would be subtle. I only usually send a good morning message or a goodnight. Typically not both. And those haven't started any convos either. So tomorrow is the day of no contact haha Ill actually not initiate anything up until our kid swap Friday. That is my short term goal!