When I first met husband I was actually the pursuer (sexually) I was very flirtatious. We had a great sex life.
For the first couple of years I was actually undergoing a pretty demanding program in school, so I had limited time to spend with husband. I was always studying. I later joked, that if I was not in school, we would have never lasted as a couple because I would have wanted more of his time.
He asked me to move in with him..I was stalling, and I never pressured him to marry me. In fact I was ok with not being traditional in order to avoid the stress and high costs of a wedding ( he now say I pushed him). He was more of the pursuer at this time and would do anything for me. Now he says that this is the time that he compromised everything to make me happy.
there is a lot different but I have to reflect on it.
I think financial stresses, children, health issues all kind of contributed to gradual dissatisfaction, criticism, disconnection, and poor communication.
I had started demanding more in the relationship and when we were together earlier, I was satisfied with the status quo so never did. That might be the major difference.
Hey JujuB, I just caught up on your thread. You are an amazingly strong woman! I wish I had half the strength and will power you have. Best of luck to you, but you are doing great so far!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
TimR... I don't even know what defines strength anymore. Am I waiting around miserable simply because I am afraid of moving on and being unfair to myself? Or am I making right decision "leaving no stone unturned" to save my marriage?
If I knew there was any infidelity I honestly would have moved on and would have done everything in my power to make him suffer (I would make a great scorned woman). The only thing that keeps me in this state is that I recognize that I was less then perfect during our marriage and because I suspect husband his undergoing a mental crisis that I feel like I contributed to. I have no proof of affair, and believe him (sometimes) because of how he responds, his personality and because of some of his physical issues. The only doubt I have usually comes because of how rare it is.
I will have to soon evaluate whether I want to continue this. 3 more weeks I am giving him and myself before i I need to make this decision. By waiting, my career and financials are on serious hold and because I can't go too much longer in current situation (I am living with parents..this is torture.) It's really not fair to me.
Right now I am mentally trying to detach.
i really do need to get some type of counseling. I suspect the counseling will probably focus on helping me to move forward a opposed to helping me stay in marriage. I have been basically relying on these boards for all of my support, except for the few DB coach sessions. I have always been afraid of meds.
GAL helps so much, it's just so limited for me. I need something social to look forward to but have limited time, and babysitting.
Current peeve...husband texted a few times asking how kids and I are. I respond back and then no response... WTF? My guess is he does not want to lead me on. Only reason for that is that he does not want reconciliation. So why not file or discuss moving on with me??? Clearly he financially benefits from keeping limbo going and stringing me along. I strongly suspect this. any thoughts?
Sorry to hear you're in such a tough place. The texting part - the ex being slow and non - responsive - still gets to me.
But there's nothing you can do about this.
I would say legally and financially it sounds like you have done your work. If at any point in time the R dishy work out, you will be covered.
Yes, the lack of social activities get to me as well because of babysitting issues. Plus my friends are all married and it's rather akward for me to tag along.But I am pretty comfortable with my own company, even when M.
Will you parents be able to help with babysitting?
Have you tried st john's wort?
I don't know what else to say as I am not doing so well recently too.
Can only offer you virtual hugs. (((Jujube)))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
You can do it JujuB. Have you tried not responding to his every text. I know it is hard but he needs to learn how to miss you. You are a special lady and should be missed! Don't let him think you are just sitting by the phone waiting for him. Let him feel what life would be without you. Right now he cannot feel that because when he texts just to make sure you are still wrapped around his finger, you answer. I am sorry to be blunt. I know most of us hear our phone ding and see a text from WS and our hearts flutter, but we don't need to always answer it. Myself included! I see her name on my phone and my heart jumps and does a couple flips and a smile appears on my face. Its sad they have so much control over us.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Timr.. I usually misplace my phone, so responses are always delayed. I do respond though because he is just asking about kids. Responses are always to the point. You Are right though. He knows I am wrapped around his finger because I have asked him about reconciliation. I was upfront again last weekend and now he feels he is in the power seat. I wonder if he enjoys this? If it is a power trip to him? He can say and do anything he wants like a spoiled child because he knows I am more invested in preserving the marriage.
Truth is there is a big part of me, that wants to end this limbo. I am getting closer and closer to it.
Right now I am going back to keeping my distance. I am trying to prepare myself for the marriage ending. It will be easier when I have some GAL amd when I am feeling better. I have to get out of this depressive state I am in. I am really down.
