A little bird said I might find this thread interesting. And that bird was right.
As far as your list...it is a good start. I actually like it better than your original 3 things...
Gym...ok activity...therapy...good once you get to the point of not talking about W. Until then...falls in to category of keeping you stuck. Alanon...again good and if you are there because you have other people with addictions in your life, then great. If its just W, right now, just another way to keep your focus on W and relationship.
Things that keep you stuck are not going to help you figure out who Thorton is. And right now, that should be your focus.
Codependency is not quite what it sounds like. It is not the same as being dependent on someone. When we are in a relationship, romantic, parent/child, coworker...we depend on the other person. And that is healthy and sometimes necessary. Personally, I like the term interdependent to describe healthy and necessary dependence. An example would be parent child. Parent provides food, shelter, basic needs...things the child cant provide for themselves. So they are dependent on the parent for their nourishment and safety...
Codependence is not healthy. The best, most simplistic description i have seen is "lost self." Codependents most often put others wants and needs and perceived wants and needs so far ahead of their own that they have no sense of self worth or identity outside of the relationship.
The only way to change a habit (lifestyle) is to do it. One step at a time. Wanting and wishing arent going to do it. Action is the only way. Regardless of the fear. You arent gonna talk or rationalize a fear away. You just gotta face it. Cuz the only way to do it is through it...
And i think you might be standing on the threshhold.
Damn you, little bird...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
1. I want to know what I want 2. I want to feel confident in my own ability to tackle life's issues without having to lean on anyone. 3. I want to be interesting and well rounded 4. I want to be fearless (or able to overcome my fear more easily) 5. I want to be successful in my career 6. I want to be a better father 7. I want to be a better friend 8. I want to be a leader
And God is giving you exactly the problems that you need, in order to fix yourself....
????
Originally Posted By: Sotto
I would second PPs comments on practicing gratitude. That has helped me a lot since BD. When I catch myself feeling low....I catch myself quick and say - what am I thankful for?? List it every day!!
You begin to feel blessed rather than cursed.
This is great advice! Both of these points have been revelations to me and are literally what keep me going everyday. It's a reason I can accept as the answer to all of this, and really helps me to stand up and shake it off in the tougher moments.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I know! Some of the stories I could tell would make your hair curl. I've worked in HR for 20+ years now, and I don't think there's much I haven't seen....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Just got back from the gym. That's a baby step for me, it's been a month.
Surprisingly, my lifts went up in weight. Crazy.
Feeling angry tonight. I don't want to make myself out to be the victim, because I allowed this to happen to myself. But, WAW really hosed me. I'm mad that while I thought we were building our future, she was living a lie. She went in to this under false pretenses. That's wrong.
She could have potentially ruined me financially. Luckily the housing market in Denver is hot and I shouldn't have a problem selling the house. But it's the principle of it all that ticks me off.
I fantasize about her one day begging for me back and me rejecting her. Is that wrong?
I'm sure I'll be missing her in about an hour, stay tuned.
