Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Now, the real work begins..Part II

Broke,

I don't have any advise, but it sounds like you have a well organized and well thought out plan to implement while husband is involved in active affair. You seem to understand the amount of patience necessary and I am rooting you on!

As an outsider reading in, I feel like husband really would have to be a fool to permanently leave. You seem to have figured it out, that it won't be possible to work unless he rally wants it to and returns remourseful. Good for you.

I believe we are on the same time line (I posted as julie). Are you comfortable putting a profile up?

JujuB,

Thanks for stopping by. You are very kind - I'm not really sure I have anything figured out except that I'd like to be able to say that I did everything I could to save my marriage and family. And, if that doesn't happen, then at least I used the time to improve myself, find my voice again and be the "best me" I can be. The kind people on this board have helped me tremendously.

I'd be happy to put up a profile.....except I'm not really sure what you mean or how to do it! Lol - I guess I'm technically challenged :-). Let me know. Thanks!

Up at the top is a category that says "my stuff". Click on it and go to "edit profile". Down at the bottom under signature is where posters put the details or sayings that they wish to share.

Heading out to GAL - wanted to see if my new signature worked. Thanks for the tip, JujuB

Yup, you did it. Looks good.

Glad to hear dinner with BIL went well. Sounds like seeing your nephew was a treat. Hope you have fun golfing, great day to be outside today where I live. You're doing well with the GAL, try to give it time and I'm sure your H will notice. My WW doesn't say anything but I know she notices, particularly when she mentions me going out on dates. Lol, not yet. Only with D3.

Broke, how did you find out about affair? I see you suspected it, but it took a long time to be confirmed.

Did he directly lie to you about it in beginning?

Glad to hear dinner went well with BIL and I can almost guarantee that your H will hear about your awesomeness at some point soon so keep up the good work! You've been such an inspiration to me bc we have so many similarities and I too feel like H has to be seeking validation, comfort and confiding in someone during this time and I'm thinking it's OW, but I know Thornton will say that's mind reading ;-).

TedTalks are a great way to gain insight and improve yourself. I just watched two on Friday night that helped to hone in on some patterns that I want to change.

I had no doubts at all about the meal with BIL. None.

V

G8r and HopeRB - thanks for the support about dinner and the GALing. H just texted me about picking up the kids and I couldn't help responding that I just played 9 holes of golf and it was great to play on 2/28. Probably shouldn't have said anything, but it was a great time. I plan on continuing to GAL and improve myself, which is fabulous for me. I would also like it to help move towards reconciliation with H, but I'm skeptical at this point with so much time going by and how many mistakes I made at the beginning of this nightmare. Not ready to give up hope yet, but it's getting harder and harder to feel optimistic about my M.

JujuB,

To answer your questions about the affair:

- When he dropped the bomb on me in July, I was so shell shocked, I figured he had to be cheating. Our M was just fine, not perfect, but not bad either. So, I suspected something had to be going on. I snooped some and found a couple "weird" emails that only I would think were "off". In August and September, I confronted him about this particular co-worker and he denied it. Lied to my face at least 3 times. Unfortunately, in December, my two sons saw a text from the woman I confronted him about that said "I love you". However, he convinced the boys they saw something else. Unfortunately, they don't really believe him. He lied to me about it, too. But, this time I didn't believe him. I texted the OW to tell her H. I told both the OW and my H to end it but they refused. So, I waited a month and then told the OW's H. Unfortunately, it accelerated the D. My husband filed the following week, bought a house and told the kids the D was proceeding. At first, the OW and her H were trying to go to MC and reconcile. But, in the last two weeks, my H has gotten more secretive and more friendly (from the guilt I think), so I believe the A with her is back on. They both still work together and the OW's H said she would have to quit for him to reconcile with her. So, I think the A is still going strong. But, I refuse to ask him.