I was talking to a sweet firefighter since we both were going through divorces-separations.AS FRIENDS. He turned out to new a slime ball today. Asked me to come to his house..I said no. His wife still lives with him. I'm not about that life.
I told him we are just friends. He threw my H in my face saying that he had no problem "f***ing" my best friend and leaving me so why should I feel guilty doing the same.
Like really. Is this what dating or having a guy friend will be Like.
I'm very hurt he would rub it in my face like that.
I'm not a sleezy 24 yr old looking to bang my way through my issues.
Not all guys that you date or have as friends will be like that. I know it feels like that right now, but look at all the great guys on this board trying to save their marriages and families. Chalk it up to a bad apple and move on from that.
You are doing great! You are setting boundaries, detaching, and making plans for yourself. You have come far in a short time. Keep it up - take care of yourself and your kiddos!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
If it creates bonding and love why would he do it. Just to make me want him? I mean I already love him I'm just not chasing him or playing games and trying to move on.
It is a control tactic.
Wouldn't it make him feel bonding too? I'm curious about that now.
Abusers have a slightly different pathway mechanism with hormones. It is bonding but only lasts as long as the hug etc. That isn't the case with targets, they may be more receptive to oxytocin.
I never knew a hug could do anything at all.
This particular hormone is called the 'cuddle' hormone. Women respond to it more strongly than men. It can be googled.
Yeah I'm going to tell him it's a boundary not to cross. I'm already struggling to let go without having new ways to make me miss him more without me even knowing that is what it can do.
That is the dynamic for these types of sitches. It is so difficult.
It really is. Sometimes I doubt my own reality too. Then I listen to my recordings, I return here to reread my threads and then I stay strong.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
There’s a chemical that can subtly shift your childhood memories of your own mother. In some people, it paints mum in a more saintly light, making them remember her as closer and more caring. In others, the chemical has a darker influence, casting mum as a less caring and more distant parent.
All of this becomes heavily ironic when you consider that the chemical in question – a hormone called oxytocin – is often billed as the “hormone of love”, and even marketed as “Liquid Trust”. As a new study shows, the reality is much more complicated. Describing oxytocin as the “hormone of love” is like describing a computer as a “writing tool” – it does other things too, some of which aren’t pleasant.
Oxytocin is a versatile actor, whose resume includes all sorts of jobs in sex, reproduction, social behaviour and emotions. It can increase trust among people and make them more cooperative (this works in meerkats, too). It can increase the social skills of autistic people. It’s released during orgasm. It affects lactating breasts, contracting wombs and the behaviour of sheep mothers towards their newly born lambs. The list goes on: drug addiction, generosity, depression, empathy, learning, memory.
Despite these many roles, oxytocin is often reduced to a misleading label. While “hormone of love” may be great for catchy headlines and compelling marketing slogans, they are ultimately misleading. Jennifer Bartz from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine has found that oxytocin can have completely opposite effects on the way people behave, depending on how they view their relationships to other people.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Broke this is true. Id love to have any of the guys on here as a good guy who fights for his marriage. Gives me hope I'll one day meet one.
Yes V, you are always right. Yesterday he was loving and sweet and today its a 180 of cold and distant again.
Lucky for me I already expect this. Its okay. He came a few hours early so I'm finishing my hair and make up while myoutfit i need dries and I'm leaving. He is fully ignoring me but it makes it easier for me to be ignored honestly.
Id rather him be cold and distant so I Can move on then sweet and nice.
Went on a "date" to "lunch" with a very handsome single guy friend. As friends. He ordered a pitcher of beer and from 2-4 we just catched up and picked at a few appetizers. It was nice, he told me how beautiful I am and that I'll be okay. Gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Paid for everything. It was at a cute place on the ocean on the deck so We sat watching the boats and feeling the breeze.
Went out with my girlfriend from 5pm-2am! We went to the mall, got best friend rings, went to universal city walk to dance, karaoke, dinner. Ran into a few people We knew.
I had 4-5 guys come up and talk to us. Every guy that hiton us we took pictures with. It was fun and silly.
We had a 150$ tab that was covered by someone else. We were upgraded to the vip reserve section by one of the guys best friends(he was the like manager of the place we think.)
So much fun!
I thought about my H all day.
HE DID NOT CONTACT ME ONE TIME
Nothing.
NOTHING.
He always does. I'm actually sad he didnt. He asked me nothing about the kids.
Then again I told him I needed space to heal. I do mouth know.
I didnt know he took them to mt inlaws.my brother in law invited me over and asked what I'm doing. I told him out in Orlando but thank you for inviting me!
My sil texted me later saying she heard i got a tattoo..that why don't i tell her things anymore. Why am i hiding stuff. Don't i love her.
So my H told his family about it. His sister told me that. So I'm assuming my bil told him where I was going and what I was I doing.
Red, can you hang out with your friend? The anxiety will pass. They will probably just talk business or sports or something. I read yesterday that men hang out to do things together while we hang out to talk.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I was having a moment earlier. I took half of my anxiety pill and relaxed.
It ended up working out that his friend came over. While wah was cold,distant his friend was very loving as always so it made me happy.
He also mentioned he heard I had a fun crazy night out and winked. My h doesnt know what I did and his friend doesnt either really. I told his wife I had a great night out so I think he was trying to help by mentioning my night out. I didnt even tell her what I did just told her I had fun.
I told him I had an amazing time out.
He's like mama still got it. You look really good too!
I have dyed my hair and changed some things and lost a few more pounds since I saw him.
I feel like I CAN BREATHE. I will not see H until Thursday I don't think. Maybe Wednesday, but I'm very excited to just be my kids and me.
I'm starting to enjoy the time alone.
Also what is HAPPENING TO MY H
HE IS LETTING HIMSELF GO
before when married, I would always cut his hair and let him know when to trim his beard etc.
While separated he started getting it all professionally done and looking gorgeous.
Since I found out about the ow, he looks..old. He has not shaved and looking really scruffy. His hair needs to be cut, he looks like he just doesnt care much right now how he looks.
I had to hold it in to not tell him that he should shave and do his hair since he looks so good with it done.
It is just strange that he stopped,(at least in the last week or two.)
