Well done, NYG. Trust this process...the DB process.
Let me circle back to your earlier post here:
Now, on another matter, let me tell you something about W. She can't stand to be alone. Seriously can't stand it. Recall that before I told her to leave me alone, she said she was "seriously" considering telling ow to take a hike. She missed us, wanted us back together, etc. Is it AT ALL possible that she's the insecure exception to the rule? That she still needs to see me and admire me and want me before she can do this?????
All of this doesn't change your DB path. You really don't know what is going on inside W's mind.
Many times when the WAS leaves/breaks up with the OW/OM for good, it's because their rose glasses starts to crack and they begin to see them for who they really are--broken people. It is at that stage when they do see the stark contrast between the OW/OM and the LBS. The OM/OW becomes bitchy and demanding which cannot be fun at all for the WAS. When those behaviors start cropping up, it is when the WAS finally begins to think back to the good times with the LBS and how good they had it with the LBS.
It takes a long time for the drug high to wear off AND for the fogged mind to clear out. For those reasons, we harp at "gift of the time" and "dig deep for patience" for it is a long and hard process. Why not use the time away from the WAS to focus on YOU and making great improvements to make you more interesting and fun!
I am signing up for watercolor class starting in mid-March. Fun, right?! What are you doing for fun, NYG?
Fun? I'm working out a few times a week, riding my road bike at least once a week when the weather is good, trying to keep busy with friends, but I do need something interesting and fun. Maybe I should take Italian and I can help you with the new amore, Wonka! I do need to take a class I think, something I can post on my real FB account and sound interesting! (Not my Nygal account.)
I think I'm going to get the job offer in Boston. and my job here is iffy because I get a new boss in July. But I really don't want to leave. I've lived here for 22 years. I'm afraid of being all alone in a new place when I'm so down and unsettled with W. And I know it will be harder for us to reconcile if I'm halfway across the country away from her. Ugh all I want is my old life back. I hope this doesn't take two or three or four years....
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Now, on another matter, let me tell you something about W. She can't stand to be alone. Seriously can't stand it. Recall that before I told her to leave me alone, she said she was "seriously" considering telling ow to take a hike. She missed us, wanted us back together, etc. Is it AT ALL possible that she's the insecure exception to the rule? That she still needs to see me and admire me and want me before she can do this?????
All of this doesn't change your DB path. You really don't know what is going on inside W's mind.
Many times when the WAS leaves/breaks up with the OW/OM for good, it's because their rose glasses starts to crack and they begin to see them for who they really are--broken people. It is at that stage when they do see the stark contrast between the OW/OM and the LBS. The OM/OW becomes bitchy and demanding which cannot be fun at all for the WAS. When those behaviors start cropping up, it is when the WAS finally begins to think back to the good times with the LBS and how good they had it with the LBS.
It takes a long time for the drug high to wear off AND for the fogged mind to clear out. For those reasons, we harp at "gift of the time" and "dig deep for patience" for it is a long and hard process. Why not use the time away from the WAS to focus on YOU and making great improvements to make you more interesting and fun!
I get that, Wonka, I really do. But W was playing with fire when she was telling me she wanted back with me and that she was "seriously considering" dumping ow. If we had that dinner and continued flirting AND OW GOT WIND OF THAT, wouldn't that make her become demanding and even bitchy? I mean she's the one throwing away all her straight privilege for this thing. She got impatient in December and told W she didn't deserve either one of us... Which only made W want her all the more I guess.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Wonka, please. Response to cc email. "OK I will get you a check tomorrow. Want me to put it in your bike bag?" Please, please can't I say, "unless you want to bring it up to my office".
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
You can say something vague like I'll be out from this time to this time, bring it by whenever is convenient for you.
Gives her a chance to pursue if she wants and makes you look like you're living your life regardless of her.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
I need advice. Not to be dramatic, but in a few days I need to decide if I move away or not. This could be my last opportunity to see where W stands now. My whole life could change. It feels like a turning point. Is letting this opportunity to see her and engage with her slip away really the best thing?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
The advice I gave you several posts ago about moving remains unchanged. Sit tight with your anxiety and work through it. It shall pass. No, don't reach out or talk to W about this because it's more of temp checking on your part and it won't change W's onward course with her A.
Wonks, Remember after I told her to leave me alone, you said I should have clarified that as long as ow is in the picture, I'm not interested? Is this the time to clarify that as a condition of seeing her or not? Or should I just say, yes, leave it in the bike bag.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
