Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Back again 8 years later

Yesterday was good and bad day as far as my dbing went. Trying to detach is hard. I found that I was sullen and quiet around WAW rather than happy. I let my anger at sitch take over and thats how it manifests itself, as sullen quiet. Didnt want to even look at WAW.

I'm sure she sensed it. After the discussion about her soon moving out for separation, we aired some of our grievances. One that I had no idea about was getting our S13 up for school. Making his breakfast and lunch. WAW said she has felt like a single mother. I was raised with a SAHM who did all that while my Dad worked and supported family. So my upbringing clouds my perception of that duty. But my WAW works so I wished she had asked. There were times when I would try to do it but I would get frustrated because she would tend to micromanage my every move. "I normally dont give him those" or "he likes these things better.

Anyway, as she is still in house I will try from now on to put my best smile on and be the best me.

I got up early and made S breakfast and lunch and made sure that he was up. WAW came up from basement and was surprised.

I know that since we are going to be separated that I do have some time to turn my sitch around. It would be like a 99 yard touchdown drive with 1minute left. Not likely, but possible.
I also realize that her agreeing to sep. rather than straight to D may be her way of easing me into the D. But I have to try.

Last night my anger with sitch made it a bearable night with no despair. Lets hope for better days.

Hey buddy,

Now that you are aware that your W sensed your attitude, you can plan ahead the next time you see her.

Know that you are going to be feeling angry and sad in the near future. Have a plan in place for when you see W. You need to project that you are ok, that you are strong, and that you can and will live a happy and successful life.

You need her to doubt herself. She won't doubt herself if she sees you stewing or moping. But, if she sees you as a strong, confident man, she might start thinking "hmmm... am I doing the right thing here?".

Bottom line... you know you can expect to feel crappy while you go through this. Have a plan.

Great plan Thornton. I WILL do, right Zephyr?

How times have changed! My H and I both worked, and he never got breakfast for the kids, unless I was sick. What is wrong with these women? (I know what's wrong....but no use in getting on my bandwagon about it). Listen, if she didn't open her mouth and say anything about it in time to do something....don't beat yourself up. And telling you how she doesn't normally give him that......is her controlling. She wants it both ways, you doing the work but by her rules.

How we are raised definitely has a bearing, just like it has on how I view a lot of the younger wives/mothers attitudes today. It makes me angry, although I realize they grew up in the aftermath of women's lib indoctrination. (Okay, so I had to get on my bandwagon for a minute).

Thanks Sandi. Yeah,that one kind left me scratching my head and thinking, "then speak up Damnit!"

Just to reinforce what Cadet preaches about believe none of what the WAW or WW say...I got a call from my sister who works with my brother in law. Said they frequently see each other at lunch but havent broached the topic of my sitch. Today my sister says "I guess you heard about it". His reply was. " Yeah it's a shame, I've tried to talk her out of it". When I questioned her about whether anyone has even tried to convince her to work on the M, her reply was no, they all said do what your heart tells you. So, believe none of it guys.

Also W was telling me how she has only told a handful of people. Now I know why. People are giving her the third degree as to why she is doing it.

Nothing in the way of progress but it did make me feel good to know that others are questioning he thinking.

Last night was odd. W seemed annoyed with me the whole night. When I got home fro gym she asks "Oh, I didnt know you were going to the gym" Now she sees me walk out with my gym bag. I didnt say anything but a polite yes.

Later I was trying to sync some ipod stuff and said something to my self out let and she looks over at me with this look of disgust and asks "whaaaat?". I said oh, just talking out loud. She was also talking about her complexion and how she is breaking out. I suggested maybe she was sleeping with her arm across her chin. Just offering suggestions. She says "how do I know what I do when I sleep". All I could do to just let it roll off my back, but I did. Possibly PMS but this is not my W.

This morning she is back to pleasant. Still mentions excitedly about some furniture for her apt. for sep. She cant understand why I'm not as excited as her.

I know there are no confirmed EA or PA but at this point in my sitch, I am wary as a bomb sniffing dog. I just dont know if I want to be with this woman anymore, but for the M sake I am not giving up hope. I hope she comes out of it before I just give up. It cant go on like this.

On a positive note, have a trip tomorrow for S13 and me. Looking forward to that. Also remaining active. This is such a mess. Very few tears yesterday. I hope today is the same.

You'll never know what mood they'll be in. It could be bad because of something you did, or they could have had a bad day and are just grumpy. You did a good job by not letting her mood affect you!

Thanks guy. Struggling with the question of whether to go through with the sep. or just end this. I love W still, but I cant help but feel that I can't trust her. I feel like she has been plotting this behind my back for so long. Do I really want to be with that person?

On the other hand, if there was something going on with her and she decides that she really does want M and I end it now, then where am I.

What if in 6 months she says, I feel the same? Heck she could say that in 2 months.

I just see the joy that she seems to have talking to me about getting furniture for this place. She cant even pay fully. I would have to sign a form as a guarantor for the lease.

My old W has figuratively died. Do I want the new one? I realize only I can know that, but any thoughts?

Talk to a L before you do anything. Know exactly what you are up against before making any decisions like that.