11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
"Anna, we are in a very similar situation. I feel like my W is (or was) teetering on the edge of getting back with me and letting ow go. But then I told her to leave me alone and wouldn't you know, that's what she's doing. I don't like it."
Hi NYG, I'll bring this over to your thread and respond here. Please don't think your W was on the brink of a breakthrough, was about to let OW go and come back, and you have scared her off. Truly, that so rarely happens. What is more common is for the WAS to get a little spooked, want to keep the LBS in the picture - but also can't or won't let OP go.
I would encourage you to stay strong, stay your course and keep GAL for yourself. This is a long road and it is early days yet
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
But how do you know when they are truly teetering? At some point they are, and how can we tilt it in our direction? I shouldn't have told her to leave me alone. She was really, really teetering and saying she was giving it serious thought.
I just ate a whole bag of Twizzlers hoping that might bring me clarity.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Is there ANYTHING to be done rather than just disappearing out of her life?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Been awful yesterday...I got hit with a bad case of allergies and I needed to step away from everything.
Let's recap what has been happening in your stich:
1-Possible job offer 2-Credit card bill 3-DBing
First, let's tackle the job situation. I tell many DBers not to make any decisions for at least 1 year, if at all possible. During the early stages of the DB journey, many newbies are not in complete control of their emotions and sometimes those emotions can get better of the more logical and clear-thinking of one who is more centered.
As you have said numerous times, you desire a reconciliation with W, then you focus on the here and now. By taking on the job offer and moving away, it will just be a change of scenery WHILE your issues follow you wherever you go. In my mind, I think the timing isn't good for you to make the move for the above reasons. Again, I am not you and you alone can make this choice.
Just a food for thought: Spouses who live in different states have a MUCH lower success rates of reconciliation than those who live in the same city/area. This is based on what I've observed over the years I've been on the DB board.
Regarding the credit card, I would go with something like this:
W,
Here's a heads up on the credit card bill. I've paid $800 of your portion on XXXXX. Please reimburse me as soon as you can by March 1 at this address. Much appreciated. -NYG
You would want to take immediate action to get your W name off the joint credit card. I take it that you are the primary card holder, right? You don't want to close it out as it will hurt your credit and make it harder to get a new one issued in your name.
Finally, you asked this question:
Is there ANYTHING to be done rather than just disappearing out of her life?
Yes, there is....go and re-visit the list I posted a while back. Continuing DBing and GALing. Staying busy is the key to getting your focus off W.
In fact, when I recently told a friend that I was signing up for water color classes, her eyes lit up because she found it really interesting. GALing and taking up hobbies make me look more fun, interesting and well-rounded.
Oh and the hot Italian gal? We're moving slooowly. I have to remind myself to apply DBing skills here too. After some radio silence, she reached out and asked me a very mundane favor that she could easily do for herself. But I happily obliged and cracked a joke.
I need to find a hot Italian gal to GAL with. I really appreciate the advice about the job. I just don't think I'm ready to move to Boston. I've heard nothing from W, and she seems to have forgotten that I asked her for the cc money last Tuesday when I told her to leave me alone. I'm trying not to mind read. Wonka, I wish you could find me on FB.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I hope those pesky allergies have calmed down today, Wonka.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
