RD thank you for posting this is going to be a very tough couple if days things have moved forward and will continue to do so from now
I told her I do not want this but I will accept her choice it is the kids that I worry most about
When we talk to them I do not know if we should talk to them together or separately I am trying to put this off for a couple of days I do not know what questions we should be asking the kids or how to find this out
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Hi Mate I'll be checking in all day, I'm no vet but I have been through it
My W wanted to speak to the kids alone but I wouldn't let her. I sat in and just listened and hugs for the Ds. My W did t really blame me and spoke in general terms so it wasn't as bad as it could have been
G , as tough as this will sound , you need to be away from W. There are things you proberbly don't know going on in her life and she needs to do what she feels is right for her. We can't understand and all we can do is accept
Is D17 ok this morning ? I was surprised by her reaction because although she's clearly on Ws side ,'talking about suicide is a big escalation.
G , nearly every reconciliation story on this site comes after a long seperation where both sides have grown and lived for themselves Try to come to terms with what is and not want you want it to be
You might see this as a wake up call for W but for her it's the opposite and more proof that you need to separate
I'm like a broken record but acceptance is key. Imagine you accept what's happening , you can then see you have to look after you and your kids first and foremost. Trust me , I still look to my W for signs and analyse where I have no real idea what she's thinking and I'm separated for 15 months BUT as far as my W is concerned I don't analyse anything and don't even pay attention
We are all here for you G, and we can offer support and the vets advice.
Unless we specifically tell you that you should repeat it to your W, please don't say to her what we say to you, okay? We are here to help you. The less you say to your W and D17 today, probably the better.
You keep saying how you are desperately hanging on and don't want to split. I think your W sees you clinching tighter & tighter, and she is fighting harder to get away. Release your grip. Let her feel free to leave. It is not what you want, but you cannot force her to love you. No matter how much control you have, you cannot make her love you, at this time.
My suggestion is to talk to the children separately. At least separate the boys from D17, b/c they don't need her drama monopolizing time with them. As for questions, I think they may have questions, but I don't any you would have of them. Just answer any they ask as honestly as you can. If you don't know the answer, tell them you don't know. Mainly, they need to know that this is not their fault, and that they will be taken care of by their parents. The boys, especially, probably need assurance that they will continue spending time with you and doing activities together. Some kids want to know if they will be moving away from their friends or have to change schools. Don't make any promises that you can't keep! The problem is between the adults and not your feelings for the kids, but the kids want to know how this is going to directly affect their lives now and in the near future (which adults don't always know how to answer).
I agree that the stressful emotions need to settle before meeting with solicitors, however, I think she'll see it as a stall tactic from you. Please stop telling her you don't want this. She knows you don't want it, Ghost, and the more you tell her.....the more she will fight you. If you will stop arguing and struggling, and show cooperation, I think things could go more smoothly. As you said, this is going to happen! Yes, it is. It can get worse, where the cops are called and someone goes to jail..........or be civil and get through it. You have to release the hold.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Be strong buddy... Do not mention therapy to your W, allow her to be as she wants (or think she wants), accept you cannot control her. You being separated from your W will be a blessing for you, a much needed mental break.
So last night I ended up staying at my mum's house wanted to give wife and daughter as much space as possible
I spoke to my wife today and we are going to leave it a few days before contacting solicitors I don't want to rush in with our emotions we will tell the kids I just need to find the right time
The logistics on how we are going to sort everything out is absolutely terrifying but I will manage I will cope interestingly today I have not cried I think for the first time ever in a very long time I now realise my marriage is over and this I will except
I also went and saw my therapist today my counsellor have you was we need to slow things down a little bit and don't make any rash decisions
Thank you again Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
I have been trying to work out myfinances and I'm not sure if me having the children 50-50 is actually going to give me enough time to work in between the childcare
My wife works in 11 hour night shifts so it is somewhat easier for her to find her money
Has anyone got any experience on how this is likely to panout if I say I need more hrs to work
Many thanks
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
G, I would imagine 3 out of 4 go to school, so they are occupied to at least 3 PM, 5 days a week and there are institutions called daycare for the little one.
And there are baby sitters. So I do not really see a problem here. Where do you see a problem?
Ghost Changes in your lifestyle will have to happen if you want to have 50/50. I know mine have. Money is tight now with the support I pay her.
But I will tell you one thing. There Is no way I would do anything but 50/50 and figure it out. If you give that up wait til you see the money situation then.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
