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Why did you allow her assistant to follow you around your home? B/c you are a nice-guy who thinks he has to do b/c the W said to do it. This is your house, the W's assistant had no right inside of it, much less to follow you around and taking notes!

You are being used and abused. Stop being her free comptuter tech. Let her deal with her own messes.

Hi Sandi, I did feel pretty abused - especially having somebody following me taking notes as to what I was taking. This is one of the things that makes me think the W has lost it - or is so completely consumed by hate that she thinks I'm taking things I'm not supposed to.

At this point I don't want to pitch too much of a fit. I want to be able to get access to the home, and am hoping that this sort of behavior is going to make it look like the W is not to be trusted. There's a lot of money on the line here.

Dealing with 2 psychotic B*tches doesn't make it any easier, believe me. Should I push it so they say "that's it" and not grant me access any longer? Are they trying to push me to see if I react a certain way to use it against me? I don't know. I do know the W is playing for keeps. All I can say is I wasn't too bothered having an overweight out of shape B* chasing me up and down the stairs as I'd go "oopsy!" and run back up. Then down. Then up...

An example of what they're claiming (incorrectly) In the W's notes regarding assets, she said that she couldn't estimate many things regarding our 2015 taxes and expenditures, because I had taken all of the files.

The files are in the file cabinet. Before the BD I had even asked her to look at them, because she was in denial about her spending and asked me to pull everything together for the taxes. If you open the file cabinet, you'll see things like "Discover H, Discover W, Citi Visa, Capital One" just like a normal filing system. Also, on top of the file cabinet so she would see it was a folder that said "2015 Taxes", and that's where I was putting all the year-end statements. I wanted her to see it because this is the time of year we get that stuff.

Just like she had asked for the camera. I said to both her and the assistant, look in the office closet. In there is a cheap ikea cabinet with a glass door. The camera is inside with the memory cards, lenses, flashes and batteries.

Believe it or not, neither one of them could be bothered to either look, or were incapable of following simple instructions. The time before last the assistant asked again where is the camera - and I showed her as my temper was getting very, very short at this point.

The only thing I've removed from the house is my clothes, my PC (she's got several), one of my cameras (I have clients and need to keep the business going), equipment given to me by manufacturers for evaluation and review (W has no clue), and some files for our rentals since I'm still acting as the property manager.

But yeah, I'm done done done with helping them. Especially after yesterday when I found the W pulled her phone off of the account along with her devices, but left me holding her bill. She's the realtor who is on the phone 24/7. $700 or 2 months.

I did however do one last thing the assistant asked. That is change her password. Why would I do something nice, something she asked for?

Because - it's going to mess her up on Monday. They weren't being forthcoming on why it was needed. I know it was because they had an IT guy come in and set up her email on a new PC using the old password - and never told me that they got it working. No surprise. It was life and death and phone calls and harassment to change the password and give it to her. Then radio silence.

So, I followed instructions and changed it 3 hours later which is how long I said it would be. The assistant won't know how to get in and change the account to the new password.

tsk tsk.

Oh, and I have a conference with the L on Monday to go over this stuff. as an awful lot has happened in the last 2 weeks.

Don't get drawn into playing games. The judge will have no time for it and you will look just as bad as W. My H played all kinds of passive-aggressive games with his ex and it backfired on him every time. Nobody can follow the internal, convoluted back-and-forth dealings between spouses, and it's going to wear you out and keep you focused on the conflict.

The core of DBing is to change what doesn't work and do something else. For you, that sounds like setting boundaries and not accepting bs. You have access to the house - you don't need W's or assistant's permission.

Painter,
Don't worry, I'm really not playing a game - I did exactly what she asked. Had I not been paying attention, I wouldn't know anything else. I still get the report tickets still from the W's office (IT department) to my old email address, so I know they reconfigured a brand new PC because they asked how the service was.

When I was at the house the assistant was literally screaming at me to change her password. Even left nasty phone messages. She even was holding access to the house hostage - or any future access.

I said I couldn't log into my account to change her password, which I had given her. I haven't logged in for months and months, and my current password doesn't seem to be working.

They're so aggressive, so crazy that she never listened to what I told her - which was your password is your name. Did you try upper case? Lower case? Upper and lower case? This gal is literally screaming at me asking why the admin doesn't know HER password! And trying to explain why I don't memorize everybody's password for every single thing was met with more arguing.

So, as I'm being followed around the house I said I would change it, but it would take a while as I had to go sort out my phone bill that the W screwed up.

So when I got back I changed her password per her "orders", and did it right when I said I would - or at least within the window of time.

What is going to happen is she'll go in on Monday, and find the email doesn't work because I did what she asked. No games, and I can completely justify everything I did - because I have about a dozen texts to prove it.

It was totally crappy of her to NOT call me and say she had gotten it working. Had she done that, I wouldn't have had to spend half an hour with tech support - at least yesterday. I suspected they had gotten it working though - otherwise I would have kept getting phone calls "when are you going to change my password?" instead of sudden radio silence.

And calling the domain/email provider was a PIA. When calling them - because I was locked out of my house and have nothing - they ask you 2 questions. What is the CC# you have on file (I don't have any of my credit cards), and what is your PIN number (I don't have any of my files in the file cabinet). I looked through my email and couldn't find it either. What was scary was even my email wasn't working trying to log on - I seriously thought I might have been hacked.

Anyway, had she called me after I left the house and gone to the next town to get my cell phone sorted out and just TOLD ME that she had figured out her password (thank you!), everything would be fine.

Like I said, I didn't find this stuff out until after I went through all this trouble, and all of a sudden a bunch of things clicked. So I looked at my other email account (I'm trying to disconnect so I am avoiding it) and saw what they had done. I knew there was a new PC, I just didn't know if it was for the W or for her.

So now they have 2 brand new PC's not being used - but the W is so twisted with hate and revulsion and rebelliousness that she won't use the ones I set up for them. All they had to do was wipe the drive if they wanted me off as admin. I even gave her the Windows DVD with the serial number on it.

So again, no judge will be upset I did what I was asked. And, that's why I let her follow me all around the house writing down what I was grabbing. I still forgot a lot of things, because she won't shut up, and I start getting flustered. The only time I wasted was doing what was asked of me. I'm sorry I did that much.

So at least I get the satisfaction of knowing that on Monday, she'll walk in and realize that when it says "enter password" that I did what she asked! She won't know how to change the account details until somebody from IT comes back in to do it for her. In the meantime, my now working cell phone will be getting used talking to my L!

Seriously, how many guys have to deal with a WW and a proxy WW at the same time?

Whoops, I missed this. I can't get access to the house unless I ask the W, who in turn asks the assistant, and I get access depending on when the assistant can do it. Doesn't matter what I do or say - I'm locked out. I'm going to find out just what the strategy is by putting up with this, but I'm guessing all of this insane behavior will help my case - if she's proven to be untruthful.

I plan to press my L for an answer on this Monday, as I've not really heard anything definitive. I think the W's L is dancing around the issue. "yes and no". Yeah, great.

I'm not liking the answer "she can give you access" as it's not that simple. I have to put up with a lot of crap, it's not like a door opening.

I'm seriously about ready to go let myself in, and change one of the locks myself. Because, I can do that. Right now there's somebody house sitting the place - As far as I know I can't get in trouble for picking my own lock. But I will ask.

Check the law where you are but here you can kick the door in if your names on the deed

I was feeling very sympathetic to your sitch until I spotted some things that I consider to be passive aggressive behaviours and some descriptives that are very unpleasant to me. Labeling and overt abuse.

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Dealing with 2 psychotic B*tches doesn't make it any easier, believe me. Should I push it so they say "that's it" and not grant me access any longer? Are they trying to push me to see if I react a certain way to use it against me? I don't know. I do know the W is playing for keeps. All I can say is I wasn't too bothered having an overweight out of shape B* chasing me up and down the stairs as I'd go "oopsy!" and run back up. Then down. Then up...

I really consider this way of thinking to be unhelpful to you and who you are. Aren't you better than this?

Labelling, name calling and black and white thinking. This really wont help you, if this is your affect then it will be clear to your WW.

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Don't worry, I'm really not playing a game - I did exactly what she asked. Had I not been paying attention, I wouldn't know anything else. I still get the report tickets still from the W's office (IT department) to my old email address, so I know they reconfigured a brand new PC because they asked how the service was.

In my view you are clearly playing a game. It appears to me this is passive aggressive behaviour. Doing something you know will cause damage.

When my WH started this with me, I locked him out as he wiped ipads and iphones by locking me out of the family account. By doing that which you have done you have given WW much ammunition she can use against you to lock you out. Not good, vengeful and counter productive.



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There is much justification for what I think is your own passive aggressive behaviour and attitude in your posts. I am saying that to be helpful because with every act you are causing yourself too much damage. When you are in a hole stop digging.

Take the higher ground it is the better stance.

I think you have much work to do.

Time to start working on you and making some 180s on this is my thinking.

Regards

V

I love your response Painter, its very wise.

V

Hi Vanilla, I'm sorry - I tried to be really clear I had no idea that this was going to cause any problems at all for her (them) when I did it.

As I mentioned, after having to go to the next town, shell out $700 for 2 months of the W's phone bill to get my account back I returned 2 hours later to do exactly what I promised I would do.

I spent half an hour (more really - it took forever to get a human) with the service provider getting into my account. None of the information they required was available to me, save for my email account.

Once I was finally into my account - I then changed her password as she requested (if you would call it a "request") and sent the password to her via text message.

It wasn't until afterwards I began to wonder why I hadn't heard from her for several hours. I even looked at my phone to see the last nasty phone message.

I started thinking that this meant she got her account working again, and never let me know it was working. So, I checked my old office email, and sure enough I saw that around this time IT finished installing a new PC. The IT guy was smart enough to know what "...also try your name, upper and lower case" meant.

She didn't want the password to get to her webmail as she said, but to give IT to set up her system. Had I known this - I would GLADLY not have spent half an hour in a near panic thinking I had been locked out of my account and gotten the information they needed so things would have been much easier.

So all I meant was after all of this, I really don't feel too bad that when she comes in on Monday, she'll realize what happened. I call it Karma. She's got the password, she'll just have to get IT back in to change her account settings. I am NOT going to walk her through the process over the phone as I have so many times in the past.

I apologize for calling them 2 psychotic b*!s, but I was pretty upset and still am at this constant screwing. The W could easily have said she was pulling her phone and devices off the account. In fact, I had planned to do the same, only I would have paid her for my portion of the bill.
Since I was suddenly locked out of my account online, I could only find that I owned $700, making me think all the phones were still on the account, and somehow she had not paid the bill.

See, I keep thinking the best of the W. I simply cannot believe the W is doing things so petty, so miserable and here I am trying to help. Then I get a "who, moi?" text. Like I said, I'm done. I'm angry and hurt. I'm not going to do anything that will look bad in the eyes of the court - which is probably why the L hasn't made any moves and are letting things play out.

I want my house. I want my dog. I'd love to work things out with the W, but between her and especially her assistant (whether operating on her orders or her playing out her own feelings about her divorce) I don't know if I can stand any more. I still need some things in the house I forgot last time after all the harassment, but it's just not worth it. How many times do you grab the hot pot until you figure out it's not a good idea?

I've got a Diary that's already 3 pages long, and it only started 2/11.

Also if it wasn't clear about this whole password, I was "granted access" to my house Friday morning. Before I went I learned of the problems with the phone. Also before I went, I had received numerous texts and nasty phone messages about changing the password for the assistant's email account.

When I got to the house, I was harangued about the password, and had to argue why the administrator isn't responsible for remembering everyone's password. When I left, I told her I had to drive to the wireless provider 20 minutes away. She wanted me to solve her problem NOW! I told her I had to take care of ME first, and then I would return to 1)get logged into my service provider as I hadn't been in for months and months and then 2) change the password on her email account and send it to her.