Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Ghost Busting Round Six - it's about me

Fogg thank you for your post yes this means so much to me and you speak such wise words

Sotto having you here is a godsend

Re what you talk about me posting here that I missed the oppertunity I believe is that I need to be the one that moves the situation and I need to be the one to tell my wife that we need to be in separate houses

Or do I tell her that I want to divorce from her

Hi G

Just checking in. Sotto has given you great advice.

Take a step back. Maintain the calm that you displayed in dealing with daughter's behaviour. Let the dust settle. Everyone needs to decompress. Let the high level emotion dissipate.

No conversations right now except to display interest and care in your daughter's well being.

Hang tight G. Sometimes crisis is exactly what is needed to unstick a situation and people.

((((G))))

Jellyxxx

Hi Ghost, forget about D just now. You don't want a D and if your W does, she can choose to file. Only talk about S - and Jelly is right - for everything to calm down.

Be the calmest person around from now on, okay?

My W wants to talk to the kids today and discuss where they want to live

And who they ant to live with

The only day to talk with the kids will be today I have a maxed out week at work we have kept the kids off school she wants to talk to the kids do we talk to them together or separately

I do not see how we can avoid this conversation

Get out of the house and let the steam go out of the problem. I wouldn't try any kind of convo with your D as it seems to inflame the situation further. Keep calm. Trying times ahead, but you can do this.

You did the right thing calling the authorities to help with your out of control D17. You are handling this crisis much better than the time your W drove away with the baby. Your D17 is angry and it would be better if you kept some distance from her until the situation is calmer. She probably needs therapy to help her deal with her emotions.

It appears it is time to physically part from your W, to prevent further emotional damage to the children. It is so sad, but you do not want more tragedy to come.

Just my suggestion, if you know your W is going to drive away with boxes she's packed for moving, it might be best if you were not there to see her. It seems to have a psychological effect on you, and you don't want to over react.

Again, good job at staying calm with your D17. I know you probably want a chance to talk to her, but I think your talk will have to come after she has had time to get through this immediate drama. What about your sons? How are they dealing with this? Did they see their sister threatening to run away and commit suicide?

Ok the other children seem fine I have been talking to them they saw her reacting and me having to call the police things are so strained I just want for everything to calm down

I am trying to put off having the chat with the children for today I feel that everyone is too emotional right now and things need to calm down

My W wanted to speak to a soliciters today and I have asked if we can leave it just a couple of days for the dust to settle

I realise that this is going to have to happen

I do not know the questions I should be asking the children and if we should talk to them on their own or as a group as to who they want to life with

Sandi thank you for being here I am not quite sure how long you are about for today but I feel I am going to need your sound advice

I am worried that if I go to my parents then my children will see my W in our house with the stability of her and our home

If I move to my mums to give them space then I do not know if this is the best thing

My daughter will not go to therapy my W will not go to therapy I am still trying to hang on to things I so desperately do not want this to happen but it is happening and will happen

I said to my W we are a family in crisis and she said no we are a family who want different things

She want us to get the house valued he get an estate agent in I think I will let her call them to get a valuation

Do I keep doing house maintance to help to prep the house to sell

So many questions head is spinning

Hi G , please just t stop You had a terrible experience yesterday and handled it really well.

Please no more talk with W about anything other than kids or logistics. Even the mention of therapy is like you saying there is something wrong with her

W is t the woman you married anymore , she doesn't want to work this out , she wants to be free. As hard as that is for you to hear , it's how she feels.

No matter what you say or do right now will be seen by her as negative so don't say anything other kids or logistics.

Is ti possible for you to say to W that you will stay at your mums but visit the kids most nights / days until the house is sold

It's very sad it's come to this but it has and priority is your kids D17 seems to be under tremendous strain and needs kids gloves

G, you can handle this , please accept that your W is not who she was so treating her as you once would can't work , she's not even a friend right now so keep that in mind when your talking to her

Stay strong mate. Rd