Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Rednail: OW confirmed..going dark

The more info I find out the lower I am sinking.

I'm trying not to listen to it but to have him tell someone he loves her and wants the D to start his new life..

I feel like I need to walk away and give up.

Stop snooping, Red. It's no good.

Remember, believe nothing they say and half of what they do.

You need to slow down. Stop asking questions, the answers will not make you feel better.

This isn't your fault. This is a character flaw in your H. He made a decision to do this. To give in to his lust.

Stop snooping.

Thornton yes I need to stop snooping. I have been snooping all morning.

Making things worse. So much worse.

Breathe. Trying to breathe.

I want to drive to her job and flip out..drive to his parents and flip out.

I will not but I'm forcing myself not to.

You don't have to do anything. The urge you are feeling, is to make the pain go away by doing something. Regardless of what you do - hit the wall, file for D, decide to never talk to him again, etc. - the pain will remain and you have to go through it.

When someone dies - you can't stop caring about them in order to not grieve. Let yourself grieve and know that you will not feel like this forever. It will get better, however horrible it feels right now.

Don't believe anything of what he says to you or others, and only half of what he does. He is not rational or truthful right now. He's lying and cheating on both of you.

2 years ago, my H reunited with a woman he had very strong feelings for 30 years ago. Imagine the power of that, the reminder of youth, the unfinished business. Today, it's over and he realized she wasn't the dreamboat he thought she was.

Hang in there, don't burn any bridges, keep to yourself and your closests friends until you can face the world again.

If you want your H to regret this one day, you need to be cool and calm.

Go NC and let H and OW have each other. They deserve each other. They wont last, their R is built on lies and betrayal and deceit.

It will blow up one day.

ALWAYS take the high road.

We're both having rough days it would seem. Had a dream about H last night and woke up missing him so much it hurts, but I have to keep reminding myself that Im missing someone that doesn't exist right now.
There's a reason only like 3% of affairs last. The OW is the kind of person who would sleep with a married man (and in my case would do it while his W is taking care of a dying mom). That's not the kind of women that keep men. And likewise, he's now be kind of guy who cheats and hides it so she is always subconsciously going to be worried that if he did it to you, he'll do it to her.

And all of this does absolutely nothing to make you feel better. The only thing that does is to get through it. I just spent half an hour in a scolding hot shower crying. And I'm still sad but I'm a little bit better, missing him a little bit less, reminding myself that he has turned into his biggest fear (his father) and that someday that is going to crush him and I likely won't be there when it does and that's his fault, not mine.

Painter really? Are you guys back together or still apart? I'm just curious. I'm not sure what piecing is.
I will try not to burn bridges. I'm thinking of going invisible. Just not talking to, calling, texting, being i
NC with EVERYONE except a few select people..just for alittle.

Thornton thank you..I hope it wont last. I think that is one of my biggest fears that I will get stuck with her for the rest of MY life since I HAVE HIM the rest of mine with the kids.

There's a difference between gathering intel and snooping. You need to know the facts, but you don't need to torture yourself. I don't agree that what you're doing now is snooping. Your H is obviously lying so you can't trust him as a source of info.

Once you know what the status is, you shouldn't torture yourself by following her on FB or driving by repeatedly to see if they are together. That's snooping and only hurts you more.

That is his biggest fear turning into his dad..and he has 100% only difference is his dad never divorced his mom, he ended up beghing for his marriage and they have been together 30 yrs now. Him and his dad bith cheated with someone close to me-his mom.

I'm sorry you are having such a bad day sparksb! I feel the same, i cried in my shower too. And the car. Now my moms friends( she is like another mom to me.)

They are watching my kids while I cry on the couch with a blanket reading and posting on here.

Red, we are together and trying to rebuild the M. It's a long process and we may not succeed, but I hope we do.

You can read about piecing in the Divorce Remedy.