She may be pretty on the outside but obviously not the inside!
So glad you have a friend coming over.
One last piece of advice (take it or leave it): select a few friends and family to tell. If you tell everyone that he's a cheater, it will be harder to reconcile with everyone telling you that you shouldn't take him back. I know that's probably not how you are thinking right now but you may decide later you want to. I made that mistake too.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I am sorry, really sorry and you well know I saw it with my own eyes in my sitch.
Time to let go of all the rules. Time to do nothing. Time to stay quite and work on that pain. Time to cry. Time to pamper yourself. Time to give yourself time.
Don't do anything now. Don't talk to him. If he insists, get that bloody phone and very slow, very calm, very polite, tell him to leave you alone and respect you. That you don't want his calls right at this moment and you just need a break from it all.
Say it with conviction so he will understand you not in a mood to play games at this moment.
Honey, I wish I could be there with you and give my shoulder to your cry. It will get easier with time. It's not easy anytime but you start making priorities in your life and things have different directions.
Do not leave your house, don't move from it at any time.
Be careful with your kiddos, they can sense things miles away, so be discrete with harsh words and anger.
I was not well, and have lots going on in my own sitch right now. Yes, many things go around and around.
I kept engaging til,there was an ow, then I confronted h which h denied and bailed (once I confimed he'd been diddling us both at the same time) once the evidence came piling out.
Once I had proof then to me he had made his choice, loud and clear. With all the high drama of the last year and no even branch of friendship offered I decided I wasn't plan b and wasn't even a featured friend out of respect. He hasn't acted in a conciliatory way or even offered any solutions to finish the settlement. More of same from him.
If I had a chance of happiness and a better r else where then I needed to move on. That part they talk of in db, is true you do get to decide and often it takes some time an some truth to come out before you can make a definite decision.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
This is one of the worst betrayals, a double whammy, ex bestie and WH.
Just truly nasty and hurtful.
Their behaviour around your kids is scummy and debauched.
Please go get tested for STDs. It was the first thing I did when I discovered WH had OWs. This is important.
Revenge is a dish best served cold and OWs like this one are a mere cess pool of festering pond scum. Rubber tits is an nasty worm living on detritus. She will get her come uppance. As soon as she knows WH is strapped for cash she will move on. Her black heart bleeding bile.
Get some real girlfriends around you.
Time to go NC for your sanity and to stop you from being crazy loco and visiting crazy town. Your L is your advocate, get the best deal you can and stay put in your house. If needs be get a bolt on the door.
Keep safe and silent. Dignity, now this is in the open things will be clearer. WH has lost control and this will make him angry. Be warned this is quite a dangerous time with controllers as they will try to trigger you to get back control.
I have seen similar and it makes me nervous when I see certain patterns. If you needs to then record your interactions.
Take great care, as you drop the rope and WH becomes aware of it, he will be very frustrated that his dream world faces reality. It may be that there are rants and other obnoxious noises.
Be safe above all be safe.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I figured as much. 99.9% of the time WAS's already have something going with someone else. "I need space" almost always means "I have some side action cooking and want to see how that plays out, however, I'd like you to stick around as plan B in case that falls through."
It's sad that we live in a society where right and wrong don't exist and morality is an antiquated concept.
Please, if you need to explode in many different directions because your heart aches at this moment, please do it here.
We are all here to give you some support and let you know that it is not the end. It's not coincidence that you came to this board. There is a lot of good people that will help you to get through this.
Honey, life goes around and around. Forgiveness is hard work, but it happen. We are all humans and we all make mistakes.
I know you may have a lot of anger and hate right now, but do not lose your focus. Like I said, you can spin here and then you will have a clear mind to take whatever decision you need to take.
Scam bags are everywhere sweetie and it's out of your control. What is in your control right now is you and your kiddos.
The first days are hard but they are also the days you start working on your strenght.
Take the time to put all your ideas in order. As much as you can, do not open your mouth to spill your plans with your L. Keep your cards close to your heart.
Have your phone always charged and close to you. Have the ones that can help you on a speed dial, just in case.
You are hurt now, but things will settle and many times the sitch changes. Pay attention to your and your kids security. I mean physically and financially.
Remember: Believe none what they say and half what they do.
Be patient with yourself and your sitch. Go NC so you don't drive yourself crazy. If it is necessary go to an IC, it helps big time.
Eat, drink plenty of water and sleep what you can. Do not get sick or weak. You need your energy and you need to think straight.
I really would like to hear from you, do when you have a chance let us know how you doing. Now the work really starts.
Right now you are in shock. Nothing you do will help much. It's just pure pain and anger. Let it be. There is no other way out of this mess.
You won't wake up tomorrow and learn it was just a dream. It will hurt so much, sometimes you will even laugh at your disgrace.
The difference here is what you do with this pain after a weak or so. You can chose to keep being angry and make it easy for him to justify leaving you or you can breathe and decide to DBing.
After all you came to this board to save your marriage. Your H is in this platonic love right now, but what about tomorrow? And after tomorrow?
Talking about dropping the rope is just anger right now. Honey, you have a long way ahead of you. There is much to work on, a lot to learn, many things to do.
Take some time and grieve. Let the first shock go away and then you can decide on some stuff.
I am not ignoring everything the bastard did to you. Or even the friend you helped out when she needed. I am just saying that you're not done yet.
Don't try to solve anything today. You are not well and you won't take the right decision.
Just be alert of your surroundings
I know you are strong and will face it all with your head up.
It will take time, but you can do it.
Holding you in s big hug (((((((((((((((((((RED)))))))))))))))))
