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Whoops, looks like I missed you - I'll call in the morning.

Ok, here's another question.

Without going into details (I just started and 4 paragraphs later realized what was happening), my W's assistant keeps calling with questions on her PC. It usually turns into some sort of strange, circular discussion where she doesn't understand what I'm asking, and demands unreasonable things. Today I told her not to worry about outlook - just go on webmail and get her email that way. She then told me she didn't remember her password, that's the job of the administrator!

As far as I'm concerned, I was kicked to the curb. I'm trying to be helpful, but I literally spent half an hour texting or talking to her resolving nothing. She'll call with a life-or-death situation with escrow meltdowns, then won't answer me for several days or in this case, 10.

Do I consider her the same as the W? I don't want their business to suffer, but since I was told my contributions are basically "a staff position", and they can hire somebody do do what I did - shouldn't they do just that? If an IT guy comes in and can't solve their problem, is that my fault?

I seriously want to be through with this - and now feel that access to my own home is being held ransom for my knowledge and expertise. But at the same time - If there is a chance, any chance... I don't want to blow it.

I'm trying to disconnect - and I've got this "person" on my case. At least if I did something for the W, she'd know about it. She'd see my attitude, good or bad. But this?

1313,

You're right, you have been fired as her husband. Is that the same in your support of her business? Are you receiving income from your business support?

Cristy

If he is in a facility, then visiting him would probably be okay. I would try to pick a time where it was less likely to run into the MIL or W. Especially since the MIL and FIL doesn't agree about the sitch.



Continue to take your mother to church.

Today I got access to the home to get a few things out. The assistant followed me around writing everything down - her instructions. Like I've taken stuff out I shouldn't. That really, really ticks me off. I got what I need to survive basically.

She was trying to get me to help her again with her email problems. I now know half the problem is that they replaced the computer I built for her - and am the OS administrator of. They could simply have wiped the hard drive - I have her the windows 8 disk. This is like replacing a car that needs an oil change. So now they've basically got what they'd have had with a freshly wiped PC. Only, they don't know how to put the software on, or set it up. I figure the assistant doesn't want the password for webmail, but so the IT guy can set up her email. That's why there's no error message on outlook. That's why she can't answer any of my questions.

I did give her the password which is the funny part. But by saying "did you try your name", well apparently there's too many combinations to figure out. And, the IT guy is probably spelling it wrong!

Anyway, when she was saying "I let you in the house, so you should..." I told her the W has taken me off of the wireless account. I can no longer log in to pay the bill. It won't accept my number, and I'm locked out. So now I have to drive to the next town 20 minutes away and sort out the account, and see what she has and hasn't left on it. Does she have the ipads? My Mother's phone? Who knows. I said I'd love to help, but the W took care of that. I have to look out for myself now.

Speaking of which, I gotta go and sort this cr*p out now before the lunch crowd hits the store.

My MIL and FIL were the main catalyst in getting WW back to me 17 years ago, when she first had the EA with OM. Unfortunately, FIL has passed away since, but I still felt MIL would be morally upset by her daughter's behavior. She was, she even called the OM up and chewed him out. She told WW if she contacts OM again she would "kill herself." But all it took was a day of tears by WW to turn her and brainwash her that she's been mistreated for 18 years (REALLY? She forgot the part about how the EA restarted 9 years ago). I was really disappointed by this.

As long as you don't leave yourself vulnerable, I don't see any harm in giving MIL the facts, if only to let people know the truth instead of your wife's lies. But do not rely on them to help you in the end, as they WILL turn against you when push comes to shove. Also, do not give them any hints about the strategy you will be applying whether legally or emotionally. It will be used against you later.

Can you expound a little more on not being able to detach like that? Do you mean cut them completely out of your life, or what?

Hi Sandy, I probably don't mean detach in the DB sense, maybe I do. I better re-read that section again! What I mean is - at least looking at how I feel right now right here - I couldn't bear to see her with somebody else doing what I've done with her for 35 years.

Bobcat Goldthwaite used to have this bit where he'd say "I lost my job" and then say "well I didn't lose it, it's just when I go there, there's some other guy doing it". Later he'd say "I lost my girlfriend" and then "I didn't lose her - it's just when I go over to her place there's somebody else doing her".

Yeah, kinda like that. Not sure I can do that - I sure can't bear thinking of it.

And today I probably totally screwed up but I almost don't care. I started getting texts that the cell phone bill was past due. I tried logging in to my account, and couldn't - it wouldn't recognize my phone number.

So I drive to the nearest store which is 20 minutes away. As I thought, the W pulled her phone and devices off of the account. However, for some reason my account changed as well because technically, hers was the first number on the account. I bought her a "X" carrier phone back in 1992. The reason I was confused is - she left the tab for me to pick up. $700 worth. She's the realtor, she's the one who runs up the tab. And sticks me with the bill.

I was so p*ssed I texted her "thanks for sticking me with YOUR bill" She then answered back "I've been paying the bills, all I did was take my phone off" to which I answered "and left me holding the bag for 2 months worth of bills for $700". After that was radio silence.

I don't think I'm sorry I did that - it was a really rotten thing to do. I was going to go down and pull off of the account myself, only I was going to find out what my devices cost and give her that money.

Nice guys don't finish last, they get run over before they leave the starting gate.

Oh, and all of a sudden for those following the email saga the assistant apparently figured out how to spell her name for the password and I haven't heard a thing since. Oddly, I was suddenly locked out of my account (large domain carrier) out of the blue. My browser remembers my name and password. I think somebody was playing around while I was out. I don't know how it's possible, but it's really, really weird. My password is much more secure now as the W would be able to guess the old one.

Oh, now I get a "nice" message saying that the bill doesn't make any sense, some story about another old account and "I will sort it out".

s p a r e m e

Oh, here's another one for those who don't think when it rains it pours. The bank called and said they don't want my mother's account any more. 6 figures in checking.

I think I mentioned this - but 2 months or so ago she had an episode when my life was melting down, and thought she would move back to her old town. She called the bank, took me off as a co-signer (she was mad at me) and that meant they had to close her account. She opened a new one. Then, we went back in, put me back on as co-signer and I thought it was all straight. But that raised red flags with the state, and they sent a case worker around to make sure Mom wasn't being scammed. Everything checked out - I even got a call from her lawyer who thought she sounded pretty good considering.

So, last week out of the blue I get a call from one of the tellers I know. He said somebody in "upper management" was unhappy and wanted her gone.

Funny, the W works on the community foundation and is quite close to the VP of the bank. In fact, she had a meeting with them the day before the call.

I went in there that very same day, because I wanted to talk to somebody, and wasn't getting a call back. I swear, you'd have thought I had leprosy. All the tellers, who I've known for years didn't even look up. They've always been so friendly, I'd be greeted with a chorus when I went in. I make a deposit, get a "how's your Mother" and that was it.

Wow. You know, it hurts enough already. It's the collateral damage, those arrows from the side you never consider. A Bank I did business with long before I even met the W. over 40 years. It's changed names 3-4 times. I was a charter member. Buh-bye.

So I have to take the M down to another bank this afternoon and open a new checking account.

Another Q for Sandi2 if she sees this

First apologies for "Sandy", the gal next door is Sandy and I just talked to her (she's divorced and I think sniffing around - boy is that a waste of time!) and I'm still really punchy from lack of sleep and non-stop everything.

Anyway, I'm at a semi-dilemma. Every year I do an art piece for a charity auction for a very well known artist in popular culture. His foundation does work with children and creativity.

This year, they sent the canvases to myself and the W. The W answered that I would participate, literally as she was filing.

I was kicked out, without the canvases, without my art supplies, and emailed them saying "sorry, not this year". Along with "oh BTW, she's a cheating #$%&, maybe her BF can participate, I understand he's good with his hands". It's ok, the foundation is better friends with her, the guy is gay - however I've made them more money.

However, I'm having a bit of a change of heart. While the deadline is 10 days, I could probably do something. If I do, it will go up on a very well known and respected auction site. The W will see it, certainly. I would also be expected to participate in the festivities. I would love to go (it's in Southern CA) so it's an 8 hour drive, or a flight and car rental.

I guarantee, the W would be there. It's not out of the question that the OM would be tagging along. She wrote him an email last year when we both went telling him she was visiting friends, doing other things but not that she was with me. This was my first big clue when we got our romantic beachside hotel room, and she got twin beds. She said it was the only room available with an ocean view, and of course I believed her.

But I digress - the question is, what do you think about participating - and to what level? Just submit a piece and give them my regrets on attending? The thing about attending is you dedicate the piece for the buyer, get your picture with them etc. So it's more than red wine and dip. I would also feel terrible if she were there with the OM, but it's something I guess I'd need to get used to at some point. Since I already said no - I can go with that as well and think about next year.