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Having a great day! Not sure if it was a good sleep or just one of those days. I'm not even concerned about when it goes south. I accept it will sometime and I am ready to handle it when it does.

I have no reason to be in a good mood today I just am. It's strange and different.

hope everyone is having a good day. I am going to look into the language thing this evening. Learning for free would be ideal but I realize it may not be te most effective. Gonna look around and see what I can do. Looks like Italian is leading right now. Haha

Glad that you had a great day yesterday!! I have only had a couple of truly good mood days and I LOVE them when they come. The 2 that I can think of were precipitated by me talking to someone and getting a feeling like I can move on and actually be okay. Last time I had one, I drove home without having to do a drive by H's house, parked in front of my apartment, cranked up the radio and danced and bounced around in the front seat of my car. I'm hoping the neighbors weren't looking out the window or they might have thought I'd lost my mind. LOL. Perhaps your good mood is because your school is almost over and you will then be able to get an awesome job which will bring in more money for your GAL activities. .

Regardless of WHY you had a great day, I'm just glad you had one. Hopefully today will be another fabulous day just like yesterday.

Tyler, it is just amazingly spooky how similar our sitch is despite being on opposite sides of the pond ! I plumped for Spanish and am waiting for payday so I can go get so learning programs. Great minds !

I found an app for my phone called duolingo and it seems good, it's free as I don't have the $ to spend on Rosetta Stone right now. According to the app I am 3% fluent in Italian! I find I am able to read some of it now and understand what it is saying. Speaking it is a bit of fun at times as some of the accents are difficult for my English speaking mouth to learn. Also I find the masculine and feminism aspects of the language confusing. Especially when you go into plural. Like the word THE is different for masculine or feminine. And the word eat is giving me trouble as there seems to be about 10 ways to say it. But I have only been doing it for a few hours. Can't learn it all in that time.

The anger expressed by W is unreal at times.
She texted me asking again if I was taking the boys this weekend, we had decided no as I need to focus on the upcoming week of school.
That was all fine. Then I brought up her paying me back the money she owes, it is quite probable that it was bad timing on my part and she lost it. Saying I am badgering her and how did I blow all the loan I got already.
Then coming at me about not getting child support yet, when we were doing the separation agreement she brought up support which she said she didn't want if we were splitting time 50/50. As I am in school i can't have them 50/50. She said she wanted x amount unless I was going to take the boys every weekend. And i have and paid support too. When I said this she replies with saying that amount of time isn't even 60% wow your a real f'in winner.

I was really hurt by that and very very close to getting drawn into the fight. I replied when she has time lets know and we can talk and figure it all out

I am not going to starve or die if she doesn't pay me back. That's not the point. I have covered all the bills and she helped herself to my mortgage payment to cover her rent. She can't live in a world where I am going to cover her butt while she acts like a teen.

She thinks I am being an jerk about this. The problem is she thinks everything is all happy and good when in reality the money makes it a business transaction.

I am thinking about W a lot tonight. Probably because of the interaction today. After I got home I went out to help brother for a bit and she called during that time to discuss the financial stuff. Ignored the calls. I waited about an hour and said I was helping B I'll be home x. I guess they had plans so I said it doesn't have to be today. Anytime is good.

I was bummed with the only convo I have had with her since the meet sitch. I went to a friends house and we had a couple drinks and talked about a lot. Worked on his truck he is swapping a engine on. Now that I am home I can't get W out of my head

I just think about the good times we had. All the happiness and the forever bs. And on top of that I think of her and OM. How that happiness was mine. What if they do last?

Also I find myself concerned with the financial discussion we need to have and the inevitable anger I will receive, I still don't like her getting angry with me. It feels like it gives her a reason to run to A.

To top it off this cat is driving me nuts again. She was normal for a bit...

Can't win today

Tyler, I am very disappointed by this! Are you telling me that you have been studying Italian for a few HOURS and you don't have it mastered yet? ! LOL. I think it's great that you're putting the effort into learning another language. I don't think my mind works quite that way. I can remember taking 2 years of Spanish in high school. Apparently, I needed SEVERAL more years of classes because I only remember how to count, tell you my name, ask what time it is, ask for water, and tell you that I don't speak Spanish. Pretty sure my Spanish teacher would be highly disappointed in my ability to recall what he tried so hard to teach the class.

I'm sorry that your W is acting the way she is. I wonder if she had plans for this weekend and maybe she was hoping that if she asked, you'd change your mind and take the boys for the weekend so she wouldn't have to cancel her plans. Just seems odd after you guys had already talked about it.

I would have had a very hard time trying to stay calm while she was asking you "how did you blow the all the loan" and then deflecting your question by changing the subject to child support. I mean, this woman is cheating on you and fired you as her H. She then moved out and stole your money to pay her own rent! When you ask her about YOUR money, she then tells you that you're badgering her. Is she kidding?! This is absurd. She then follows it up by deflecting your question and questions you about child support that you guys agreed wouldn't be paid because you're splitting the time. I understand that you don't have the boys 50% of the time yet because of school, but that will be over in the next couple of weeks. She is really some piece of work! Then her idea of 50% is to have to boys every week while she would be working, and you take them every single weekend so you can be her babysitter while she goes and does what she wants without having to be bothered by kids. UGH!

I would just try REALLY hard to be nice while talking to her while not letting her run all over you. What was your origional agreement? Were you wanting to have them every weekend while she has them during the week? Make sure you figure out exactly what you want and are willing to do BEFORE getting into that conversation with her otherwise it's going to be harder when you're trying to make the decisions right on the spot. And, I'd probably get the answers out of her bout repaying the $$ she owes you first, BEFORE getting into a discussion about kids and child support. Did you guys already set a time when you're going to talk about things? I hope it goes well for you. Let us know what happens.

I feel this way too. The betrayal is so painful. To trust someone so completely and have them just walk away from you like you mean nothing to them. It's devastating and sometimes feels like there is never going to be an end to all the pain and loneliness. We just have to believe that eventually we will work through it all and be better when we come out on the other side. They will still be the same as they are now, still looking for something but unsure of what and how to find it....but, we will be stronger and better. Just hold onto that and know that you're not just trying to survive, but you're actually working towards something and in the end, it will be worth it.

As for the cat, you're lonely and so is the cat. Sit on the couch and let that kitty kitty curl up beside you and PET IT! It will make her happy and you might come to find out that you love the cat. If she's being annoying because she's in heat, get her fixed! It doesn't cost that much and it will fix the problem. What's the cat's name?

So I am taking a break from studying my butt off this am. So I made some lunch and am watching House to give my brain a break. There was a part that jumped out to me.

There was some dialogue between 2 people with one saying she missed the exciting things and actions of her previous job. How fulfilling it was, but she didn't miss her boss. It made me think, at this point yes I miss WW however it may be because I miss the life, the interaction and feeling of companionship she provided. Am I holding onto the memories more than W at this point? Are the memories of the feelings more powerful at this point than the actual feeling for W?

Not sure if that makes sense, it's just something that made me think

My IC told me the same thing. WAW has been a real jerk the last few months. Why do I miss her so much? She hasn't tried to work on things w me and has been grumpy and irritable. She blames me for everything wrong in her life too.

What do I miss? Is it her? Or the image of her being a good partner?