Mu, I feel for you. You helped me many times while I was spinning. I'd love to be able to return a little bit of that. Detach. We hear it constantly. How to get there? I put a rubber band on my wrist. Any time I started spinning, I snapped it and replaced the thoughts with something constructive. For me. Not even my kids. Me. Sounds selfish, but I let my mind go to the house I want to build. Of course it will be as much for my kids...
Sorry to ramble. Thought stop. Throw in some other thought, a happy project. Your cabin in the mountain, for instance. Doesn't have to mean that W won't join you someday... just focus on the fulfillment of a dream. Even when you can't do something for you, you can 'work' on it in your head.
Don't worry about detaching meaning that you don't love her. It won't be like that. I felt guilty, and once I worked through that... what a difference. I can breathe again.
Be well mu. Hope some of that made some sense!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Hi, I'm watching Mad Max with my son, not much of a plot so perfect for posting. My relationship with my son and daughter has never been better. This is partially due to the difficulties in my marriage. When my wife started pulling back into her world there was a void. I have taken the opportunity to fill that hole. I am not the greatest Dad but I'm with them everyday. I cook for them, bring them where they have to go and try to spend time with them whenever I can. Tomorrow we are going to see Deadpool. Since the marriage began struggling I have become a better Dad.
Jelly dear friend,
Hi V, I was going sideways for a while but I going forward now. Every step forward is a good step.
Dday I am working on my skills and planning a possible future living out west. The southwest has the greatest appeal. I have focus and direction, sometimes I stumble but I will get up and get by with a little help from my friends.
Julie, thank you I would like to think I am or aspiring to be but I was young and foolish years back. I hurt my wife and I'm not sure she can forgive me and put it behind her. I struggled with the "day" yesterday while she was working.
Thornton, thanks for stopping by. I have an idea about process of detaching. Detachment is like a tall building. You enter the building attached to your loved one. Each flight of stairs brings you to a new floor, a level of less attachment. You wander the floor looking for the next staircase. The next floor is a slightly less level of attachment. The speed you climb the stairs determines how long it will take you to make it to the new level. There have been some levels I have wandered for many months trying to find the staircase. I found one last night and am up to a new level. I think you have to let go and the only way I have learned to it is to process the pain and suffering until I learn from the experience and let go of some of the attachment. Come by anytime.
Jelly, dear friend, I feel strongly about you and our friendship. I am drawn to your nature, you have a beautiful soul. I hope we can share our journeys and make our world a better place.
PigPen, I truly appreciate you stopping by. I have moved forward today. I have come to realize my wife wants nothing to do with me and avoids me if at all possible. So I will make a life for myself. Thanks for the support, it means a lot.
2, I have made a leap today, not huge but a leap. I see that I cannot expect anything from my wife. Her rampant disregard for our marriage fuels my resolve. I am shifting my focus to my life.
Grlonfr, thanks, your suggestion is my path. I realized it last night. I am walking alone to a better place.
Sotto, all good questions. I am going to school in the evening and improving a skill set I'll need to follow my passion. I am planning to relocate so I am researching that also. I am finish up home improvements that will make the sale price of the house much higher. I see myself in a life out west if my wife rejects me. I simply stumble in moments of reflection and what could have been. I will do a little better now since I see that she truly wants nothing to do with me.
Thank you good friends, your compassion and concern makes me feel loved. It's nice to feel loved.
It must be very rewarding to receive so much support and kindness.You do realise that is only a reflection of your interactions here. It mirrors what others see in you.
Here is my reading of recent unfoldings. You are way less detached and accepting than I thought. This is not a criticism as we all know how hard that is to achieve. For me you came across as accepting the reality of where ye are. Understandably you still have hopes if not expectations. That is OK as long as it is not dictating your demeanor.It is necessary to keep you going, but should not be held up for the world to see.
You and others have touched on detaching so I won't go on about it. Livestrong have a good outline of this but it echoes what can be found here. Check it out if you need further help.
For me your W is reacting to something. There is something that is pushing her. I do not have enough info to know what but I have two top candidates.Firstly she is moving towards something (or someone)snd she is clearing her path. If your W is wayward it changes the gameplan.I personally would want to know. To date you have accepted everything because of your past poor behavior. That is admirable to a point. But if now it is just an excuse and not the reason, your W should not be allowed to continue to dump it all on you. I don't want this to consume you, but I wanted to voice it.
My second possibility of what is pushing you W is YOU. Are you interacting in any way that she could view as pressure. Why did she need to reiterate that she does not want to do anything with you? She has made her position clear. You have to accept and respect that decision, even if you don't agree.
I am eager to see what you do with your newfound resolve.Work on your traits. Become a better man. Your W in your recent R chat gave you new insights as to what she was unhappy about. Are there any valid points there that YOU would like to improve. Keep improving R with kids. Be a better dad. Improve your skills and hobbies.Work towards a better future. And have some fun
As always I post with the best of intentions.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
roiste, thank you for your support. I am very lucky to have dear friends that care for my well being. Someone here very early on said something to me that struck a chord deep within me. It was that we get what we give. I have made an active choice to give loving kindness to the world. There are days that nothing is harder and I fail but each day I try again. I have nothing but love for you brother and thanks for you friendship.
My wife just got up so I will stop here. I have a new insight that I want to share but no time to share it. I will later today. Enjoy your day.
I'm not sure I want to share this insight with the world. I'm not sure I'm right and do not want to analyze uncertainties. I am sorry to disappoint you but it doesn't feel right to do it.
and thanks for you friendship.