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He also let me know he was going to be leaving his parents and house sitting about 45-60 mins away from me and the kida for his friend that got deployed for the next 2-6 months?! I know it means I do not have go worry about moving anywhere but all I can think about is now he will HAVE his own place to bring girls back to if he wants.

I think it made yesterday just extra hard for me.

I'm trying to get back to just detaching and being positive. I let yesterday effect me to much.

I am ruining my own marriage. Yesterday was hard. It was a bad day. I felt very unloved and sad. I made a horrible mistake today. I ended up in bed with him. I do not know why. I am guessing it was because I felt so awful and low from yesterday that I just wanted to feel at least a little wanted. Now I feel like I'm ruining my chances of ever getting him back.

Good parts: I know he still sexual wanta me. Bad parts: I let him cake eat, it probably meant nothing to him, I feel like a booty call, I feel like I threw away all the progress I had in a 24 hour period.

I do not like this roller coaster feeling. I just went back on my medicine my doctor has me on after a week or so off of it. Im tired(insomnia) the last 2 days. I went to bed at 12-3 yesterday and 1:35 until 5:25 last night. I have been super emotional, I have 0 appetite and feel pretty miserable with a migraine.

I first started the medicine the same month he left so I do not know if these are temporary side effects from stopping then starting again or if I am just having an extremely hard time dealing with everything the last two days.

Some side effects can include: rage,anger, increased sex drive, dry mouth, emotional, depression etc. I kinda hope it is from starting them back up on Saturday morning. I was really feeling great and now I'm just a mess.

I dont think you ruined your marriage by sleeping with him, Red.

It was a slip but nothing catastrophic. Let it go and learn from it.

Feel sad today and then do your best to be confident and strong tomorrow. I think your H notices when you are feeling stronger.

Finally back after spending the week and weekend treating the plague in my home (W and S6 both had the flu...I'm tired).

So you made some "mistakes". You're feeling down, which is more of disappointment, if you really consider it. Things did not go as you hoped they would after feeling so great and detached. Red, you are human. If you did not go through periods like this, we would tell you to go file D papers now. You are trying to balance some of the biggest emotions, biggest hurt, blows to your self-esteem and self-identity all while trying to be the best mom, friend, daughter, and wife you could be.

One thing I always tell people is that you don't make mistakes. You miss opportunities. In your case you missed opportunities to show your PMA, your strength, your growing detachment, images of life without you, etc. The beauty of missed opportunities is that they often come back around again. I'll bet you the farm you'll get another chance.

Btw, I'm so glad you and Pink are bonding. She's a special lady, isn't she? You two had me smiling when I was catching up.

Oh yeah, don't stop the meds unless told to. Most of the mood regulators are based on maintaining a certain level of the chemical within you, which typical takes 3-5 weeks to balance out in your system.

Thank you guys. I really have been very hard on myself the last two days. Yes squiggy I really adore pink. She is amazing. I am hoping I feel better later or tomorrow.

I am still obsessing and trying to process that he told his friend he will house sit from marchish until julyish about 45-60mins from me and the kids.

I feel like it means he 100% has no desire to come back home. I know I'm mind reading but that is a huge commitment he made on his own and it is eating me up.

I know it might be good because right now me or his mom takes care of him. Aka if he is here Im the one taking care of the house or at his parents his mom does the shopping,cooking,cleaning etc. So maybe he needs to be alone. He went from living at his parents, to moving in with me, to buying our house and living together. He has never once been alone. I am doing it with the kids but the most he does it, is 1-2 days a week and I am home half the day . All he has to do if feed them dinner and put them to bed, next morning feed breakfast and take and pick up from school. It really isnt hard when that is all he has to do in one week.

I just can not help but think he will have girls over and having the fun great bachelor life.

Squiggy i hope everyone is well now and that you dont get sick also!

No time to be sick. Got a T-Rex and pregnant W to take care of.

Stop mindreading. No, really, stop.

An actual physical S with him being alone might be a good thing. I heard the reasoning "I want to experience life alone" in my sitch. Didn't take long for the walls of Babylon to start crumbling. Similar situation with someone always being there to care for her. Ya know the other bonus of a physical S? You have room to breath without the ever present sitch looming over your head every second of the day. Look at the threads with in-home S or there is no S. Those are HARD sitches.

Maybe he will or won't have girls over? We don't know, and we can't control it. Not my circus.... If he does, then what's your plan? Good opportunity to establish boundaries, huh? Maybe there's a firefighter...Wait. No. Don't.

That firefighter asked me on 5 dates so far, I have to keep turning him down lol.

Oh she is prego! Congrats! But sick + prego is the worst.

This is true, he couldn't pop by on random. His parents are a 8-10 minute drive away while if h "popped by to say hi" I would know he drove 45-60 minutes on the highway to see us.

I don't know what my plan would be if there was. I have no idea.. That is a good question. I will have to think about that.

April 2nd is my sons 4th birthday. He thinks we should take a family day trip to disney( he just sent the text and told me to think it over and we will talk about it later.)

I am thinking of getting my own year pass to seaworld. 5 of my friends have the passes and kids are free until 6. It would be 130$ for 3 year passes and I can go with my friends. Should I tell him or just do it and that is how I can GAL for "free". They have concerts and events as well. I'm Judy thinking of how to mame my life better with the kids and more fun without breaking the bank.

I take back my bad weekend. In general it was good. If I JUST focus on the H parts, yes it was hard and depressing and he was mean at times but he did wish me a happy valentines and gave me a hug later after I got too sad because he felt bad. Besides him and his hot and cold issues. I got flowers and a gift card from my friends, I got to do a Lowes workshop,we went to zumba,out to dinner,to the park, I did spend all vday with my H so at least he wasnt with anyone else, got to hangout with my mom, bought new clothes, painted my nails, took a really good selfie, got asked out on a date( I said no but very flattering). So I had a good weekend. I need to focus on everything good.

I had a better day today. Gave my H space, went into another room when he left for the day. He came and found me to give me a hug and tell me he would see me soon. He ended up texting me about taxes before he went to work.

He called and I went back into DB mode with pinks and squiggys suggestions. I was fun, laughing when I said hello? Here the kids. He talked and had them give the phone back. He was confused on my D5 story so I told him the story: basically D5 will say want to see a magic trick with my m&m? She will turn around and eat it. Turn back around and say wallah.

I made sure I told him how funny they are and how silly they have been and just said ok have a good day at work, bye, he was like wait! I hope they are good for you. I was like yeah they always are. We are just fine! Bye!

I feel better. I had a nap. I had a snack. I tried to focus on the happy in my life and less ln the non happy. I'm trying!