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I guess I do have another question for anyone who can help.

If my W decides she is going to go down the road of attempting to open a business I am almost positive she is going to coming to me asking questions and looking for some direction.

I could be wrong but I have opened about 6 businesses while we were together so she knows I will have answers.

How do i handle this?

So the paint night event was a huge success. I ended up working to help out. There were a lot of women in attendance. I enjoyed myself interacting with everyone. Nothing really to tell, but I am finding my way to get around people. As i read what i wrote about the amount of women I realized it may look like i am out on the prowl!
That is not the case I think it just looked that way.

I think just interacting with people is a huge key for me.

For a while i really didnt want to talk to people because i didnt want to explain the situation, but i have found out that is not really the case.

Still dont know what to do regarding helping W with her possible business venture if she starts coming with questions though.

For some reason today I have been doing some thinking on my marriage and in the beginning of all of this mess I took what W said to me about what she wasnt happy about and really processed these things. I dont know why I am thinking on them again today, but I do feel that although it is not the only thing that got me to this point as some is her fault as well, I guess i am looking at myself to see if i have actually changed.

She stated she did not feel that I thought of her as an equal in the relationship. She felt because i supported the family I could do as I pleased and she could not. That i controlled the finances and she had no say in anything. She also stated she felt I was too negative to her opinions and that I would never open up about things.

So looking at these, I agreed about the finances and it actually happened well before we were married. She had some considerable debt, we wanted to get married and she was bouncing around between jobs and figuring out what she was going to do. I took on all of the bills so she could clear up debt. We succeeded at that. Got married and she was in between working, then she got pregnant and we decided that we did not want childcare, so she would stay home.
As i look back I wish we would have discussed finances better as I just managed it all. We really never discussed joint accounts other than from our wedding and i never touched that money and she went through it, when it was done we closed the account. This is a big lesson learned for me. I run 5 businesses and handle the finances so this was something that I had to just let go of. I dont feel we discussed it well enough, but when we did I do believe I probably did not hear her the way she wanted.

to the point of me coming and going as i please, I understand where this comes from. Being at home with kids all day isolated from the world is tough. I know in the last few months before BD when W wanted to be out on her own more and doing her own thing I handled the situation wrong. I used to run home to help with the kids and wanted time with her and she was just looking to get out. I grew very frustrated and only saw my side. At this point it may have been a little late and the years leading up were more important as i think she was already making up her mind.

Also lesson learned.

Then to myself being negative about her opinions and not opening up. I am a introverted person to an extent. I run everything through my head all day everyday. If i am to have someone like a W in my life, i needed to learn to trust her with my thoughts.
Being negative seems to be that I needed a nice dose of STFU and some validation.

During the marriage i spent so much time trying to give her and the family everything they asked for that i missed these crucial parts.

Now i know these could just be excuses for her to put all of the blame on me, but i can see valid points to all.

I dont know what the future holds, but i do know these will never leave my mind and i hope to have a chance to correct these mistakes in my life with W or even someone new if it is not in the cards for R.

I do believe since BD i have gotten so caught up just trying to fix things and get my W back, that even though i addressed these before and was aware of them I was just doing things about them then trying show her. That was not the right time. too late.

I guess that is part of what all of this is happening for. to learn. I miss her like crazy, i miss my family together, but I am doing ok.
I do know wherever my future may be and who with that at least something good came from this awful event.

Great reflection OTW.

It is so easy to get caught up with life, it's so fast paced. It's also easy to neglect the most important things, our families.

Remember, communication is a 2 way street. She plays a part in that as well.

Sometimes you can listen, validate etc til the cows come home and she still isn't happy because she isn't effectively communicating either.

Change the things you can, my friend.

I did write this for myself, but i also wrote it for everyone else here going through this.

I tried to step back today and put myself in her shoes and see the things she saw.

I know everyone is trying to find a way to fix things, but I am reading a lot of people just not focusing on the right areas. You will not fix this overnight, no matter what technique is applied it will not work like that. True change and change in mindset and thinking is the answer to everything. If you get a chance to prove that again then awesome, but not of trying to get back with them is worthwhile without this reflection.

in my opinion.

So time for some updating/journaling

Since the amount of time we spent together at the beginning of the month and how i felt things seemed a little different I tried to back off for a while to see what panned out. NOt much really.
I came across a few things with her being out and then taking kids places that seemed really strange why they would go there all of the sudden that used to send me for a loop. But these times it wasnt as bad.

A couple instances have popped up that I have not said a word about or will.

W has begun asking for the funds from a small retirement account i had. when we agreed to her getting half of it I also had to get her to agree on a payment schedule for some things we agreed to keep and she never answered me so I have been applying the funds towards it monthly.
She understood and asked that she get the remainder and will pay me monthly. This lead me to believe money is becoming an issue.
Along those lines she has for the first time taken on more teaching. Falls right into the line of finances. I have not asked nor will I, but after this full year passes it will come up as her income affects what i pay her in support.

Another interesting instance was of course from dreaded facebook. We are not friends on facebook, but have mutual. There is a guy I know who is just a mess, always!. He made some post late on evening and my W commented on it. He immediately acted like he fell in love with her. He knows me and her and our relationship.
Of course the next morning he immediately removed everything, but it made me wonder if W did this for a reaction out of me as he tagged me in some post earlier in the day trying to get me to come hang out with him.
Either way I am not concerned about this being any kind of threat as she is way out of his league and she def would not be into him. All that said i understand she is not the same person anymore but i would bet the house on this one!

other than those things not a whole lot between us. We had to work on some days with kids changes as she had some commitments for teaching then I have to be out of town next week. We worked well on sorting that out.

When she dropped kids the other morning she was running late and for some reason I guess i was hoping for more interaction so I was a little down about that. I had to take D7 to school that day as we had to spend extra time together during the week working on a project for school. It was funny I had to get W to do one thing for it and she did it wrong. I didnt mention it.
So later W texts me asking if the project got to school ok. I responded back and forth with her a bit about it all and she asked D to call when she got home.
now all of this could have just waited until D got home, but i will take the interaction.
D7 also had a bday party W told me about the following day. She actually offered to get the present and bring it by the next day. I gladly accepted the help. She showed up the next day a little later than normal and i could tell she had been out the night before and was a little hungover. She smirked about it.
With yesterday being her normal day to get the kids and she wasnt going to be she asked about maybe stopping by to see them. I told her just let me know. We were going out to enjoy some nice weather and she hadnt said anything so I let her know where we would be if she wanted to see them. She quickly responded asking if we all could eat lunch together and we did.
As we were wrapping things up her and i talked about her stuff she had going on and i acted interested and excited for her and she seemed open to me.

We have had a few exchanges like this lately. I cant put my finger on anything but just everything is always pleasant.

So i have been contemplating a few things and before I even mention them here i am having a coaching session thursday to get coach's take on everything before i bring anything up to anyone, even coach.

I know this post was all about W but I break so long between my own posts now that I will start splitting them up.

I will be back later to post about MY life and what I have been up to.

OTW - Keep your chin up. Hopefully your coach will give you some good insight.

Will do. I will update on that end after the session.

Thanks for stopping in!

How'd the session go?

I am away on a work trip in Vegas! I will try to update later but things were interesting and had a few interactions with W. Nothing crazy but some stuff to run past everyone.