I hear you... I can let go. It won't be easy though. I just wish someone... counselor or her brother who she respects would say wake up. Start looking deep inside yourself... I know... I know... I can't control it.
It makes sense about having goals about me, but the book made it seem like you should set them for things you want your spouse to do that were measurable. Did I miss read this?
So how about these?
Give her all the space she needs. Do not question her about relationship issues. Keep busy doing great things with the kids. Focus on working out and gaining confidence mentally.
Give her all the space she needs. Do not question her about relationship issues. Keep busy doing great things with the kids. Focus on working out and gaining confidence mentally.
I think these are a better start, especially if they are 180's of what you have been doing.
Also, I work out in our basement... do I get into playing games where I work out at a gym and possibly get her thinking I'm working out near girls that are in shape and maybe she should be worried or is that silliness. I do think it would be good for me to get out of the house more, but it already seems like we are never home with all the activities are kids have going.
I am willing to be patient and do whatever... but I have to say it really [censored] that I feel like she screwed up bad, but I am the one making the changes and going through the most effort of fixing things and that only reinforces to her that this was my fault in some way. That's just more venting.
The good things I'm doing with the kids is not a 180, but I think it attractive to her and it's good for me and the kids.
Not saying I love you and acting like I don't care as much what she is doing seems to be working after 1 day. I got more texts from her yesterday than I have in a long time. I also got a hug out of no where this morning. I haven't been trying to touch her in bed either so I'm assuming she notices that since I am a touchy person.
The good news is that I run at a real high stress level normally and have general anxiety so this situation is bringing out the worst in me in ways, but also the best in me because I'm learning to fight through things. Like what is the worst that can happen... she can leave... can I handle that... yes. But it's hard trying to put on a happy face every day. Especially now with the added complication of having to tell my sick father that this weekend that we want to remove him from his home and put him in a care facility. I'm not looking for sympathy, but damn.... life isn't easy.
I do appreciate no one beating me up yet. I am aware that trusting her on some levels sets me up to be burned. I am prepared to deal with that if it happens. I almost feel like I can't be hurt any worse than I have been so the only place to go is up. My biggest hurdle will be patience and not over-reacting to good signs (and slipping back into old habits.)
Ok... I'm on a roll. sorry... it's nice to have some people to talk to who don't know me.
I get I need to pull back... here's a question... every Friday we meet for lunch. I really enjoy the time and so does she (I think). We DO NOT talk about anything serious. She just texted asking if we could do lunch. I said yes, because I do think it's good for us. But should I avoid that in the future? I'm not sure where to draw the line. She needs space, but reminders that we are good together can't hurt can they?
I really think just me not touching her at night and not saying ILU all the time will be a good start. Add that to me being super positive and great with the kids and I think those things will be very encouraging to her.
The other night we were working on a project for our daughters preschool class together. She was using the iron and completely ruined the finish on our nice dinning room table. I'm not the type to get upset... so I just said.. hey, it's a table... it can be fixed... compared to having to deal with my dad's dementia today this is nothing. She seemed to appreciate it.
WE read the book. Or at least I did and she read part. I thought I'd be touch for sure. Even though I scored very high there I was highest in positive affirmation. That makes sense to me too. I just need to know she believes in me and loves me. It goes back to not getting that from my dad probably. Touch is high because it is what I always got from my mom who died of cancer 3 years ago. I was very close to her and went to every appointment with her since my dad wasn't in the health to do so. I have a great story of their love to share for another time. How it was right down to the end.
Anyway... touch was lowest on her list for sure. The rest were all pretty even... so she likes everything expect for touch... perfect.
