Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers LBH w/ a WXW after the D - now what

otw,
The packing is bad. Lots of walls with just nails sticking out of them where pictures once hung.

I don't plan to help her move. Going to try to be away for the weekend when she officially closes on her new place and moves her stuff

Ok gang, I have a couple questions.

1. She emptied the night stand that had my ring in it. Do I ask about my ring or pretend i don't care?

2. She has stated she wants to start counseling. Do I ask her to elaborate on this? Should I wait for her to bring it up again? I'm trying to stay out of God's way of her dealing with her own choices but want to make sure I don't miss any opportunity for reconciliation that He may be creating. I guess I'm kind of answering my own question as i type this. If He is creating the opportunity and my heart is right with Him then i will know

G
Get your ring back

Also. I wouldn't bring up the counseling again until she does. I would probably ask for her to elaborate. I would also ask her what her expectations are for this. If she is just thinking you guys will go so you can fix yourself then maybe not the best. But even if she does think this, a counselor worth their salt will draw out the areas you need covered with her as well.

As far as God giving you signs I feel he has put a lot in front of you now. He isn't going to hold your hand the whole way. You will need to do a lot of work with what he gives. I think the opportunities are there. Now it is on you.

Thanks otw,
I think I just jumped on one of His opportunities. WXW and D4 returned from her 1st XH house. I asked if she was going to take D4 to church today. She said they were all going to go at 11. I was getting ready to go at 9. D4 asked if I wanted to go with them. I said I was going to go at 9. Then I said "unless you girls want me to go with you at 11." WXW said "you're welcome to go with us at 11, it's up to you." I said " Ok, I'll wait and go with you guys." Not sure what His plans are but if He is moving then church is a great place for it to happen.

I guess this kind of feels like pursuing. UGH! This is so hard and confusing. I'm a mess right now.

another interesting development. WXW just got out of the shower. I was in the MBR. She walked across the bathroom and shut the door without wrapping the towel around her. I know she did it so I would see her naked.

ugh....so difficult

gs9, this would be a great time for you to get a DB coach. They can give you individualized attention to help you figure out what your next steps are. That's great that she's working on herself and wants to try counseling. Make sure you get a MC who can really help you focus on moving forward with the marriage, if that's what you want. I actually found an IC who used to be a DB coach, but she doesn't really use those techniques with me. I also have a coach, but haven't set up a session since before I moved out. I thought I'd wait and see what the next weeks bring. Or months. sigh.

Thank you NYGal,
She is really being nice and polite. It's so confusing. I have had 4 sessions with a coach prior to the D. I'm not sure when to use the next 2

I'm not sure if she is being polite because I've been DBing well and if so when do I start to show interest again. Ugh....it's so difficult to know what to do. If I show interest in working on our R will she just go back to being nasty and selfish again? Let's see how church goes.

I would use one now! Let them help you navigate this time.

Church went well. She sat next to me. She's still being friendly but not pursuing. Looks like we'll spend the day watching football today at the house.

not sure what to do so I guess I'll do nothing

I'll try to schedule time with my coach soon

Well the day went pretty well. She was texting and laughing a lot as we watched football. I was in and out of the room. I'm redoing the bathroom. Here's a couple oddities. She never leaves her phone on. She always clicks it dark. Well I was sitting behind her at the bar top. She brought up a guys contact and click the image so it was big, sat her phone on the coffee table and moved away from it. I leaned back so it wouldn't be obvious that i saw it and I didn't say anything. I know she did it to try to make me jealous. I guess it's good she wants to make me jealous. She wants to get my attention.

Here's the other thing....the last couple days she has said she doesn't feel comfortable staying in the house anymore and has been staying at her 1st XH.....well it's 930 pm and she's still here. I guess she's gotten over the uncomfortableness.