This is an awesome development. I know there is a script here but you have to do what you feel will be the best for you and your relationship. I think you did great. Don't rush anything. I post on your threads because I truly believe you two can save this thing. I avoid so many threads here because after reading the first post I know the marriage is DOA and just don't have the heart to tell the person it's over, move on. I only post where I truly believe in my heart that it's savable and your W is already realizing that the grass wasn't greener out there. That's awesome. Stay somewhat detached but don't put up a wall that looks too high for her to climb. Know what I mean?
I have to send W information on money she owes on our joint credit card. I'm so paranoid about what I say these days. What do you think? This will be the first time I've initiated an email to her in weeks. The statement will be an attachment. Here are the email possibilities: 1)You can leave a check in my bike bag. 2)You can just leave a check in my bike bag. 3) You can leave a check in my bike bag if you want. 4) Please leave the check in my bike bag. 5) Please come up to my office for a visit so I can see you when you give me the check and we can have another relationship talk and maybe talk about reconciliation, pretty please?
Ah....
I notice a pattern here.
Every time you have a heavy talk with W, you want to send an email to W about bills, paying you from annuity, etc. Don't you now see this?! It jumped at me.
My advice is: DON'T.
Why?
You don't want W to associate with opening up to being slammed with an email in her inbox asking for $, pushing her about annuity, or some other money-related item.
In DBing, this is not too different from dog training. Positive reinforcements, right?
First of all, I am so HAPPY that you went to the basketball game and rocked in your sexy-thing outfit! Way to go! In a way, I am glad you gave the OW your death stare...damn DB for once.
As for your convo with W. All I can say is "Wow...there's a lot of tender love between you two." It's nice exchange. I am not going to over each one by point by point.
However, I do NEED to respond to this comment:
Originally Posted By: NYGal
Is this a time to maybe invite her to do something non-threatening? Or do I just still lay low? I'm sure most or all will say lay low. But at what point can I take another step, so I can begin to show her new and improved NYGal? (LOL, I know I have a ways to go.)
Down girl! Don't get overly excited here by issuing invitations--I don't care if it's non-threatening or not. That's not the DB way or the timing is right. It was the first real convo with a ton of nuggets here. W is confused, in pain, and knows that she's making mistakes here. It is encouraging to see that she desires IC...that's an important first step for her in the right direction.
You've already taken steps to show a new, improved NYG. Let me count the ways for you:
-Stopped all negative emails -More mindful of how you present yourself -GALing more and more -Listening more -Not trying to fix W or offer solutions
I said we both need time to focus on us, and that our relationship is over. She said, do you think it's over for good? I said, I don't know, I mean the old relationship. She laughed and looked relieved.
^^This is BIG. You're keeping the road home paved smooth and all that jazz. Well played, sweetie.
Looking relieved says it all. Keep the faith and keeping posting here.
Here are the email possibilities: 1)You can leave a check in my bike bag. 2)You can just leave a check in my bike bag. 3) You can leave a check in my bike bag if you want. 4) Please leave the check in my bike bag. 5) Please come up to my office for a visit so I can see you when you give me the check and we can have another relationship talk and maybe talk about reconciliation, pretty please?
Number 5! It's the clear winner and target for all of us DBers....LOL just kidding.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Your talk with W was great. Mine are always awful. It does seem hopeful NYGal. What you're doing is working. Even if it feels like if you aren't doing much. It's working.
Your talk with W was great. Mine are always awful. It does seem hopeful NYGal. What you're doing is working. Even if it feels like if you aren't doing much. It's working.
I sure hope you're right, Rain. I still have to work on patience. It's so hard leaving the ball always in her court. I guess when I send the email about the check for the credit card, we'll see how she responds.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Your talk with W was great. Mine are always awful. It does seem hopeful NYGal. What you're doing is working. Even if it feels like if you aren't doing much. It's working.
I sure hope you're right, Rain. I still have to work on patience. It's so hard leaving the ball always in her court. I guess when I send the email about the check for the credit card, we'll see how she responds.
NO, NO....DON'T!!!! Don't you dare to send out that email....
Wonka, the email is just to ask for the check for her portion of the credit card bill! "You can leave a check in my bike bag."
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
