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Thus when you are there he can't enter without your knowledge.

If you don't want him to come in then you lock the door from the inside. You haven't changed the locks, just as a women in the house alone you want to know who is entering or leaving.

Additionally if he's there in his pj's, just say I see you are not ready to leave yet. I am taking the kids and going for x time. I expect you gone when I arrive back. Then leave with the kids, preplan it.

What does your L say?

I will search out Pink for a response as her WH is referred to as a kitty MLC and she has had similiar issues of late and Pink is D!

Hugs

V

Okay detaching and knowing it means nothing. Moving on from what he tells his friends.

I just have issues I guess inforcing the personal space because we SHARE the house on his days off. ON HIS days off he comes here and I HAVE to leave for the night and sleep at my moms that way he can have the kids overnights. He doesn't take them to his parents overnight and he tells them that he is working a lot and that is why he is gone so much.

They are used to him being gone for work overnights for his job he is just gone a lot more now.

I really do feel like I have no privacy. He has access to the house, my car(he has my spare key), everything while he has a full room where he stays I still share mine with him. 70% of his stuff is still in our room-house.

I have only had one other boyfriend when I was in highschool besides my husband. I have been with him since I was 17 so I guess any of my issues of giving away personal power comes from him?? I'm not sure. I never thought about it

How do you recommend my boundaries to be when he lives here part time, has most his stuff here, and owns the house.

V,

Does L stand for lawyer? I dont have one yet. He hasn't actually filed any papers and wants to wait 6 months to see if his mind changes but he doesn't think it will.

Yes lovely L is lawyer.

You need to know your rights. I really believe in this.

It doesn't mean you want to D immediately, it means you know what is what.

I interviewed four Ls got four opinions. All of this was free by each L, for a number of reasons (including liability insurance) Ls give the first interview free. Looh for an L that fits you.

Find out your position, this is particularly important if your WH has a business. I really believe in this.

You can also know about your children, custody. Your L can also absorb the heat from your sitch.

Knowledge is power in this.

There are three c words I want you to know, cards, close and chest.


In my opinion the earlier the better if WH is protecting his rice bowl.

Hugs

V

Your boundaries are about you and your space wherever you are. They go with you (like your shadow). His stuff in your space is his stuff. If you are there then it's still your space irrespective of his stuff. His stuff represents him but isn't him. If his stuff is used as an excuse to invade your boundary then for the time you are there it's your space. When he is its his and your stuff is just your stuff.

So if your time in the house or the car or at your mum's then that's your space. Access to your car should stop, it's your car so have an alarm on it and set it. Changing keys is tough, add an immobiliser if necessary so he can't use it or a crook lock device.

This is where you need an L to tell you the law in your jurisdiction, I have given you my opinion on the emotional boundary and an L can tell you about the legal one.

Touching you with out your consent is serious and explain to your L this is happening.

Where I am this is considered assault, I know I had victim support and police help. If it's sexual as well (mine was) then it's sexual assault. It's very serious and I am concerned for you.

This seems to be in your R and you haven mentioned any childhood issues in response to my questions so I think good boundaries may help.

Hugs

V

I don't know your location if it's the UK then you also have rights in the home, referred to as marital rights.

I really think you need L advice.

Plus by keeping quiet you are enabling your WH to behave as he can without consequences. L ADVICE then boundaries.

He may want to R or not, perhaps or perhaps not?

Sweetheart, I have been there and wornot that T shirt.

V

I tried talking to one lawyer and her advice was until there were papers it was a waste of time to come in.She asked me a bunch of questions that I said I don't know to and she said they we didnt even sound like we were getting a divorce just separated and I never tried calling anyone else.

Maybe I should call others for their opinions.

Yes I will work on good boundaries for the next time I see him which should be Wednesday or Thursday. Usually we hangout for 5-6 hours before one of us leaves to go to our parents and even though I LOVE spending time with him, knowing that he keeps saying he wants the divorce I think I need to 180 that.

Im realizing that I need to change a lot of things which [censored] because I feel like I'm doing all these changes while he does nothing and geta to be super happy.

Also while I'm thinking of it does covering his rice bowl what exactly does that mean. I'm thinking it means making him look good to his friends still even though hes the one who left and tells me he wants the D but to everyone else its just a trial separation.

Red

You don't need to do anything ok?

You can choose your boundaries and choose to enforce them.

That's your choice, and it's ok if WH invades your space as long as its your choice!

No must, should or need to. You choose who is allowed in your space. You adjust your boundaries accordingly.

You do what is right for you in your sitch.

If WH crosses your boundaries then you enforce. All of this is your choice.

When you go talk to an L discuss your entitlement to your home, fin support, your car and custody, now and in the event of D.

Marilyn Stowe has a website and there are discussion on there about how to choose an L. Sounds like the last one was out of their depth.

I chose a specialist L in the end, I felt I could work with her.

V

Rice bowl is a term for his earnings and his living.

A old Chinese saying,"don't mess with another's rice bowl" as this incites revenge.

Sometimes a rice bowl is made of iron, in other words whatever is done then their means is unaffected. Sometimes means investments.

Apologies I am using terms that I haven't explained, thank you for reminding me.

V