Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!

I know, I know, I know...I'm MUCH better at giving advice to others than to myself. I tend to ignore that little voice when it tries to stop me from doing something counterproductive. And, there was just no way I could STFU while I was there. That requires way more sleep for me to be able to pull it off. Same goes with validating. I actually reread the validation cheat sheet right before I went over there. For some reason, it never even occurred to me while I was actually there. I did have good intentions, then I just saw him and it all went out the window.


As for FB, I don't abhor it, I just don't have one because H would have a fit about it. And, now I just don't because I don't want to do anything that would give him a reason to be mad at me or not trust me. I know, even as I type it, it sounds pathetic! I mean, HE'S CHEATING ON ME!!!!!!! And, I'm worried about making HIM mad and making him not trust me. UGH!

Unfortunately, he doesn't have much if any contact with his family anyway. Talks to his parents once every few months, but that's about it. He has a daughter that is on FB, but I don't think she would tell him anything. She wouldn't want to poke the sleeping bear! Probably wouldn't care to see what I'm posting anyway. And, I know none of his coworkers. He has a job where he's isolated by himself and so I've never seen the others. Don't even know their last names.

Wouldn't mind making the ow mad though. How would that work?

As for the IC. I have always liked him before. Not sure what in the world got into him that day. I guess he was just trying to snap me out of this stand still that I seem to be stuck in. He did see us together as a couple a few years ago. That pretty much got us nowhere because H wouldn't put an honest effort into it. So, he does actually know what he's like. But, still, that was a bit harsh.

So why am I saying to get FB? Well from first hand experience people are nosey and tattle tellers. LOL

When mine was deep into missing sow (skanky ow) he actually semi stalked her via FB.

Cut to now and him not even wanting to be with me and yet calling and leaving me voicemails because his family or friends see photos that my family and friends post up of our kids.

Latest was my friends BF was holding our daughter. She took a picture and posted it. I don't have FB so I did not even know. But sure enough he got a screen shot and questions from a family member. "Who is that man with your daughter? What's going on with you and Rain?"

Then blamo I get a text. Telling me he saw the pic. And that I know he doesn't like her being held by men.

Whatever he can kiss my ass right now BUT that showed me that anything about me and the kids that gets put up will eventually get back to him and that he cares enough to call me on it.

Before you ask...yes MB...once I actually GAL I will let my family and friends post those up every time I am looking stunning and going out and oops is that a mans arm in the picture??? LOL

Why? Because I'm a flipping classy Lady MB....that's why!

So maybe that can be a way to show your GALing and weight loss and to back up your words that you're moving on without having to go to him. And if and when he starts getting the MB updates ow will NOT be happy that he cares to know. And that it bothers him. I see that as a win-win.

Just saying.

At the very least it can't hurt. Remember DR. Try something new and monitor results.

Yes, but that brings me right back to the WHO WILL TELL HIM? He just keeps to himself. The only one that is really on FB would be ow, and I doubt that she will tell him anything about me. MY family is, but they don't talk to him so that doesn't help. I would do it if I thought there was any way it would get back to him.

He wouldn't even let his daughter post pics on her FB page if they had either one of us in them or if they were taken inside the house. Just a ver private person.

Well, this is an interesting topic. LOL

You should get FB, MB...then you can come find me! I'll figure out a way to let you know who I am, so you can do it.

I understand all about intending to do one thing, and the reality was, well, not even close! I spent quite a bit of time today doing my own spewing. H and I are hammering out D terms, and he irritated me. Now that my fear of losing him, or making him angry is gone (because H is already gone) I find that I'm saying things to him I would never have dreamed of before.

In a way, it's pretty liberating. H hates it. He's used to me backing down and agreeing with him on everything. It's been hard having to listen to 1001 insults every time I annoy him - but today, I just fired back and really didn't care. THAT is new. What do I have to lose? I'm kind of surprised that I seem to have a great grasp on "potty mouth"...I must have heard those words from H. My filter is gone. LOL

I'm exhausted, and about to fall into a sleep coma - but I saw the FB topic and had to pop in. I deactivated mine at first, but I can guarantee that if he'd never let me have one before - I would be putting one up right now, just to make my point. "Guess what, H? I get to do whatever I want. How do you like that?"

Your attitude sounds really good today. I am so happy about that. Have you stopped the drive-bys? How's everything else?

Rain! You sound great! I've been away for a while, and it is amazing to hear how strong you're sounding. What have you done to bring on this positive, happy Rain? Share your secrets, girl! Maybe we can write an e-book! LOL

Rain, if you have FB, I'll be happy to drop you clues. It sounds like great fun - let me know.

Well if he is anything like mine then that is the reason given when its actually that pictures of you 2 up would shake his story to ow of whatever it is he was telling her. And you would be surprised who comes out of the woodwork to tell him, including ow. Since shes so confident she just may show him to see his reaction.

But if youd rather not then dont. It was just a thought to have a way to let him know things without actually letting him know. LOL

I'm beat. We will continue this tomorrow. Maybe others will have some ideas for you. I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

Goodnight Rain. Have a great night .....

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