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Sotto is your H with OW? How did you handle him when he wanted to come back?

Another thing I struggle with is this: Is it possible to let go, heal and move on & have hope for a reconciliation at the same time? Is it possible to do both or is it prolonging recovery if he never comes back and increasing heartache by holding on and hoping for change. Just confused a bit....

Hi Tam, H never wanted to come back (as yet!) He just wanted 'both' - when he met me he said he felt swept away with romance and wanted to hold my hand - said I'm beautiful, he loves me and I was the best wife. But he already had airline tickets booked to see OW the next weekend (didn't discover that until after.) I clearly told him that there will be no kind of R with me if he is involved with OP, and I have never budged from that position.

I think you are aiming to let go, heal and move firmly forward. To me, moving on is closing the door at your end. However, you can move forward, accept his decision (to end the R with you and be with OW) and rebuild your own life without him. If you can get yourself to a place where you have a rich, full and happy life without him, you are in a better place to consider a possible R in future if he turns back towards the M.

I don't think it is a good idea to date too early anyway (to me dating is closing the door) - so I think the above approach is healthiest all round. I'm of the Zues opinion and don't intend to date at all during 2016 (we'll likely be D next month.) At the end of this year I'll review & see how I feel then.

Take care xx

Made a huge mistake and slept with my x. Yes he still has a girlfriend. It's been 4 months since split. What are my next steps to handle this without making things worse? No texting, calling, go dark? Help! Has anyone else done this and how did they rectify it or did it help anyone?

Hi Tam, I'm sorry to hear that happened. I can't think of a sitch where that has helped - except enabling him to eat cake of course. Pink (MLC) had this happen a couple of times. I think the best attitude to have is probably a 'F*** him and leave him' - if you can portray a "we had s@x, it was good and it doesn't change anything" - attitude, that would be best I think.

And if he wants it to happen again, on the basis it happened already, you could just let him know - Yes it happened once and you enjoyed it, but given present circumstances it won't happen again.

Please put yourself first in all of this and remember that you are exposing yourself to potential health risks if you guys have unprotected s@x. I would just leave him be now - no texting, calling etc. My worry for you is the more you 'poke' the situation (forgive any pun) the longer it may continue. I think the best way is to completely remove yourself from the equation and start to live your life 'as if' he will never be in it again. What does that life look like? Imagine the best possible one, smell it, taste it and then go out and make it happen for yourself - regardless of what he may be up to.

Take care xx

Been strong and GALING like crazy. I think it took this experience to realize I deserve so much better treatment. I deserve to be first in someone's life, not second choice or ignored. I feel like me getting mad about it has helped me realize enough is enough! A TON would have to change for me to consider ever getting back with him and right now he's not close to being ready to consider it.
Time to live for me and my kids happiness and that's it!

Hi! Needed some advice. We've been split since Oct. he's still with OW. I'm worried about when my sons baseball games start. What if he brings her to the games? Do I ask him not to? How do I act? What have any of you done in these cases and need some advice please and thanks!

Is anyone else struggling with this Valentine's Day weekend that is coming up? Those of us with x's?

How are the lonely ones on this forum handling this yucky Valentines weekend? I'm struggling! I'm having some girlfriends over tonight and I signed up to work a couple hrs on Sunday. My son will be with his dad and my college son is at school and working.

Also baseball games for my 15 yr old start soon and my x may bring his OW! How do I handle this? Dreading!!! Do I ask him not to and he would do what he wants anyway. How do you in your sit he handle this? Please advice!

Of course - people struggle with this.

Can I ask have you read all the homework I first posted?

How is your detachment going?

Sounds like with the baseball stuff you have huge EXPECTATIONS of what will happen.
You think that those will really turn out that way?
My experience is that things never turn out the way I am expecting.
And those expectations really hurt me.

Sorry no one is answering your questions however please stick to one thread until 100 posts.