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The only question I didn't answer was s!

I presume he's with and living at his fathers. He seems to be really quite unless he wants money. He also knows how to text me and given I'm often not able to take calls this works well. His nan wanted to take him out like a grown up, but I suspect he told her a lie and said he was working in his birthday.

I text him but he refuses to reply and take calls, unless he wants something ie money. So there that relationship sits and one can hope as he works more and becomes more adult he will mature and things will level out. While he states he hates everything I do and the farm etc, I know that's not true. Ist just his resentment talking (I think he always held hope he's dad would return)

Pleased about the Mare.

Sad about your S, I am sure he will grow up, he has a great mom.

The issue with your dad is fascinating, he sounds quite an impossible father to please Gg.

I am sure you haven't heard the last of WH2 as he feels so entitled. I can't remember if he has children and it's not in my notes. Can you remind me.

Also you say you must see where OW leads in your handle, may be time for a change on it!

V

The tag was "must see where the ow leads" was his pathetic reason why he couldn't return or even be married any more. It's done past I see it now and laugh what a dumb ass he was.

Dad passed away going on 11years, but in some ways if I fronted him and said
"Dad give me x or y or z" he would have no questions asked even if mum or the family suffered and often they did given he wasn't very financially responsible.

Like if my dad was alive and he knew I took up pistols he would have been stoked as he did clay targets for years in various forms.

As for wh2 I'm suprised and getting more so each day that I have seen or heard squat!
Yes, he has a s was well, and I regret that he's just gone cause he was a good kid, who thinks his dad will look after him. I now don't believe it and think he will get a bit miffed when he gets his awakening and realises wh2 looks after wh2 himself first.

But tbh I think I like not hearing. It's nice it's calm and drama free.

Look s is a good kid and being a rebel like kids when they move out of home do, wh2 he kept a tight rein on us all so he's not sure how to handle freedom.

Today I called someone when what they said wasn't quite true. They are feeding the drama at work, instead of keeping the piece they are feeding the issues and keeping them alive. I think I did well, but it leads me to know by their actions they arent supportive of others and are not to trusted.

What was the issue at work Gg?

I had to sack a member of staff this week for fraud, and now have to decide how to handle it.

I am very upset by it indeed as I trusted this person a great deal.

V

Oh and OW1 hasn't led anywhere!

I haven't heard from WH in months, also stalling on D. I think there is a pathology here for abusers.

V

At work you get "branded" as angry biatchy late thief lazy etc.

We all have times when we are late etc, but I used to take shorter and less breaks than entitled. As you know when we change things like taking my break people get on edge.

I often as a part of being a " nice employee" swap my shifts around to accomodate my employer. Recently having had shifts changed I had to re arrange my car at the garage, no all not an issue but it was up for its yearly inspection, given the circumstances ie work changed garage busy it was due in two days. While on my first break I had to change car booking and get a lift home as car wasn't going to be ready. As I was an extra 5min it's the end of the world. Just one example, and yes boss is allowed to swap and be flexible with others she is just using managing down technics to have other staff watch you. Just one example.

Day before yesterday, I was helping out other staff members (work wise) while in my break, by making announcements. Frequently as I leave at night time I help out customers with issues as there are only 2 girls. So even after I clock off I'm helping out for upto 10-15min. I don't expect payment, I know in the real world we won't even get any sort of pat on the back saying great job, but the stupid game playing and taking notes and writing and phoning bosses! Shakes head it's just super petty! Super petty.

So this other staff member is now running back to said boss like a good little minion with slightly incorrect information. They in some ways are micro managing and the bosses word and assumed without evidence statements are considered law! I now set timers for said breaks and come back exactly to the timer, and i am still told I took double break.

If that's not too wordy and complicated. The thing about being branded even if it's a very occasional thing or there is good cause it sticks and clings. There is no second chances.
Your branded as " always " even if the person branding has seen evidence in the way of actions that they have seen first hand. They will take another's word on faith alone.

How long have you worked there?

An atmosphere in the work environment isn't good for work especially when dealing with customers .

Sadly I think there is little you can do other than smile and keep on servicing the customers. I know from what you have said that is the part you enjoy the most. Have I got this correct?

Was going to ask you how is bestie?

I am tired and I recollect that you went through a phase like this at about the same point in the process.

V

Yeah, I did.

I'm tired and I think the whole work thing is just on top of the Laywer thing. It really got me, and I didn't sleep well. I've been there a year or 2 before here. So quite a while. Its like a lot of work places that go in cycles. I'm content to just work and come home.

My only concern is I want to be able to handle accusations better, and in some ways I am. Other times when people try to draw you into gossip I've gotten better at deflecting them in a solution type of way. When people complain of another's actions or way of testing them I give them a way to respond which will help in the long run.

A friend was comp,wining she didn't like to be the butt of pa snide jokes. I said to her than maybe each time the offender does it ask them to stop, a practical way of emforcing a boundary.

And one work bestie is coming on the cruise, the other is having a few h issues.

At the moment I understand the tiredness thing Gg.

It is very hard thing to overcome.

There is physically tired and weary. I don't see how rest can overcome weary (emotionally tired). I spoke to my confessor during the week, I guess these are the old equivalent of IC. He told me to turn the other cheek and keep on doing it.

I told him I was battered and bruised by this , he said the meek shall inherit the land and you know that means gods kingdom. And then that's also here on earth now, just let WH be he will wear himself to a frazzle. Be still and just let him do as he will.

There is evil here and this evil will turn inwards. WH is not a God fearing man and has expressed few spiritual beliefs. They are his beliefs, does he really believe women, religious people, those who prefer the same sex and those who are non white are inferior to him? As he has no economic power does that matter?

I seek the answers in my heart, how could I chose a man like this, so destructive and damaged and how well he hid it. Or did I choose to ignore it?

How could I love this man and why do I still stand. You know I stand for the values in M, I made a vow and I want to stand by that.

I believe the WH that I thought I loved does not exist, so why does my heart still stand? I don't want WH back in my life and I am stuck. I can not date until D. H2 was different I let him go willingly as he was unsure of his preferences and he did not abuse me. H2 was an absolute gentleman and we finished our R so he could continue his journey to self. Our D was fair and no acrimony, we agreed 50:50 slightly unfair to V and that did not matter in the slightest. We cooperated in a business way. He had ethics. This WH has few at least I see none.

I reread my Gg thread again and I observed you had similar dichotomy believing in R and yet knowing your WH had hit your S15 (at the time).

Tons of love and hugs

V