MB there are stories here where the couple did not have contact at all. Some with kids even. But definitely some with out kids and a few with adult children (so no reason to communicate directly).
I've read them but didn't write down their screen names. If I come across them again I will copy the links.
I don't have advice as to you going over there or not. Contact for me always ends in a horrible mess. Maybe some vets can help you there. NYG has some helping her out. Maybe you can put an SOS on her thread? I wish I had something more to offer.
((((hugs MB))))
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
The more I think about the things, the madder I seem to get. I am having a REALLY hard time the last few days trying to figure out how and why I'm making excuses for H and sitting here basically doing NOTHING while he is having an affair right under my nose and isn't even trying to hide it anymore. I mean, why am I acting like it's fine with me for him to take his time and sleep with OW in MY bed while I just sit here and cry. I have NO contact with him at all. No texts, no phone calls, no visits, no accidentally running into each other. I have not seen him or talked to him in any shape or form in almost 3 weeks. Before that, we had our fake "let's get back together" thing for 12 days but before that I hadn't seen or talked to him in 5 WEEKS. He doesn't even have to see me or think about me at all. I am nonexistent to him. He doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm not around. Just makes it easier for him that I'm not. He thinks so little about me now that I have disappeared that he FORGOT to tell OW not to park in the front where her truck would be seen. I just feel like I'm being a good girl and staying out of his way so he will have an easier time doing whatever he wants. Guess I'm just frustrated today. Having a hard time convincing myself that this will ever work. Most people at least see or text their spouses about kids or whatever, I just have zero contact at all....ever day.....for weeks....and it won't end unless or until I go over there. I hear everyone when they say to give him time to miss me, but I already know he won't contact me. When I broke up with him years ago.....it took him 18 years to contact me! Am I supposed to wait 18 years to hear from him again? When I talked to him right before Christmas he said that he thought I was never coming back and that I had moved on without him. So, he was moving on with OW. I really wish someone would tell me what I'm supposed to do. I just can't sit here for months and never here from him ever. Feeling hopeless today.
Hey MB,
I think I could have written a similar post a few months ago. I am in a similar spot, BD was about 7 months ago, she moved out about a month after that. The first month was minimal contact. From Mid aug through the end of october I was full no contact. When I say no contact, I mean no contact... nada. I ignored her bday. Then it was minimal contact through early December when I decided I would not initiate contact again. She sent a flurry of texts around xmas, then stopped. I sent her a pretty generic one about taxes a few weeks later and she responded and seemed to want to talk more. But I let it go. Then last week she texted me with some temp checks, the first ones I have gotten. Anyway, i just want to say I feel you and you could read through my threads to see my mind set.
I had gone through this before with her (we were bf/gf) so I know how it works. I think you are mind reading too much. It is hard not to I know. When I think of WW, I think she could be totally happy, completely miserable or any where in between. I deleted her number from my phone (my memory stinks) this keeps me from randomly texting her. I blocked her on FB, now I see minimal info about her on there.
The people here helped me a lot... they keep me focused and are always questioning why I want to do what I want to do (in a good way :-). There are a few of us in a similar situation on here. Staying busy with a PMA were/are key for me.
I'm in a no contact at all situation I still think about her everyday ive got to say the break has helped me see some of the negatives
like you I still have hope of reconciling but I'm working on what I'm willing to accept as reasonable behaviour. my counsellor told me some of the things that happened to me were emotional abuse and bullying.
I'm a good guy I'm caring kind generous loyal & funny. I'm also aware of my faults & failures. I'm working on better communication & anger managemenent.i also need to get better at saying no
the no contact has helped me focus on me and my welfare. this site and book has helped me stop being needy and pursuing and realise all I can do is be responsible for my own behaviour,actions & welfare
i also did what other posters have done & deleted facebook so i don't see updates and status
keep up with the GAL activities & focus on you. have fun!
"I just can't sit here for months and never here from him ever."
i don't really have an answer to this. i take it if they initiate the divorce then its best to let it happen. you cant make someone work on a marriage or recommit.
Give it more time, and definitely don't go over there. I guarantee you, he's thinking about you. He's probably telling himself lies, and doesn't know what's up. OW must have pretty low self-esteem. He cancelled her holiday plans last minute to be with you, then she just accepted him back. Clearly she has no DB skills! This A will NOT last.
We'll all come over to your house Saturday night at 7. Turn on all the lights, play some music, and we'll whoop it up so loud he'll hear it. Then make sure all the recyclable beer and wine bottles are on the curb for trash day. Or borrow a big monster truck from a friend and leave it parked in your driveway for 3 days. He'll notice.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
He cancelled her holiday plans last minute to be with you, then she just accepted him back. Clearly she has no DB skills!
ROFLOL! I actually had to LOL at that one. You are right. NO DB skills at all.
Originally Posted By: NYGal
We'll all come over to your house Saturday night at 7. Turn on all the lights, play some music, and we'll whoop it up so loud he'll hear it. Then make sure all the recyclable beer and wine bottles are on the curb for trash day. Or borrow a big monster truck from a friend and leave it parked in your driveway for 3 days. He'll notice.
YES, YES, YES!!!!!! I would LOVE that! Every time he has ever been over here, which wasn't much, he would ask "who's car is that?". How the heck would I know? I live in an apartment building that has 6 apartments in it. I mean clearly EVERYONE parked in the parking lot is there to see ME! I look forward to seeing all of you on Saturday,
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Just bring yourself! We can leave the lights on and the music blairing while we all go out and eat somewhere......I mean, we're supposed to be getting out and GALing, right? LOL. Oh, wait, you can help NYGal get the monster truck down here. And, I want pictures of you guys laughing and trying to drive that thing!
This would be so awesome. Wish you guys were my friends here in town. We could be awesome helping each other GAL and drive the WI (Wayward Idiots) insane.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
WI? I am loving that. And ahh I would love it if we could all meet each other and GAL it up or at least exchange emails. I think that used to be allowed from an older thread.
And I'll have to let NYGal take the lead on the monster truck. LOL
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
There goes W past my window again, right on schedule.
I'm going to rent the monster truck on Wednesday, and I'll take my time getting it over to MB's apartment. I want to make sure I'm completely confident driving it. Also, I'll stop along the way and do my best to pick up a whole bunch of hot guys for Rain and MB. I'm not sure I have the skills for that, but all I have to do is tell them how awesome and gorgeous you two are, and they'll hop right in. You all can practice "detachment" the next morning.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
