Anyone on here? Having a really bad night and just need to hear a kind word from someone. Maybe some advice. Support. Anything. I just feel so alone and sad right now. Tired of crying. Tired of pain. Just tired.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Oh MB, what's up lovely lady, I see you had your lovely happy dance the other night near your car, and I saw today that you were shooting around lots of threads with amazing advice. Perfectly ok to need something for yourself.
Lay it on me Chickadee. I'm here we can chat for as long as you need.
Hi MB, I understand you not having a good night. What have done to lift your mood? I always have books by my side (obviously not romantic or self help) and when I'm feeling down I'll read them. That will take your mind of things.
Are you going out today? Is there something that you can watch on tv? Why don't you write down yous feelings and then burn it!?
I was doing better. I was GALing even though I didn't want to. I even had some fun doing it. A couple of nights ago I even felt happy for the first time since New Year's Eve. Didn't really feel like doing much, but I did go for a walk even though it was cold. Then, I took my youngest D to my sister's house to play cards with her and her H. Had a nice time. When we left there at about 11:30 last night D wanted ice cream so I took her to the store really quick on the way home. As we were almost home I passed Hs house (it's on the way) and saw OWs truck in the driveway I front of his. I honestly didn't expect that at all. She lives 5 hrs away and these aren't his days off. Sigh....I guess I don't even know if he's working anymore. I don't know anything. I guess it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did, but it actually felt like someone took a baseball bat and hit me right in the middle of the chest. I couldn't even breathe. I just held onto the steering wheel and stared ahead in disbelief. It's like my mind couldn't even believe what I saw. I got to the end of the road and stopped my car and just sat there trying to figure out what to do. Then I realized that there's nothing that I can do. Nothing. That's the hard part. As I was sitting there staring ahead and motionless, my D leaned over and hugged me and told me it's going to be okay. Then she asked "Is that her truck?" I just nodded. He doesn't even live a mile from me. How selfish and insensitive can he be to have her come over there. And this time she didn't even hide her truck in the back. It's right there in the driveway for everyone to see.
Perfect example of why NOT to drive by WAS's house.
I feel like such a pathetic fool. Why would I have ever thought he was really going to come back to me. I knew not to believe anything he said, but I really wanted---no, I needed to believe him. The thing is, I can give anyone else advice and know what DB says to do, my heart just gets in the way and then my mind makes excuses to do what my heart wants. I guess when I really am honest with myself, nothing has changed just because I saw her truck here. I mean, I know H is currently having an affair. I know who the OW is. I know what she drives. I know they spend time together. I know that he is currently choosing that person over me, the wife that has loved him and taken care of him for 10 years. So, nothing has changed, but yet it feels like everything has changed.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I live near the X and have met him with the OW a couple of times before and after the D. As we work in the same profession, I will probably have to meet them in the course of work as well. It svcks big time. But I am not going to change jobs because of them.
I will, however, move somewhere further, so that I will not have to suffer the indignity of bumping into them while they are out enjoying themselves.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Lay it on me Chickadee. I'm here we can chat for as long as you need.
Thanks JB. I appreciate you being here. I know I'm not any different than everyone else on here. We all hurt. We all do stupid things. We all want/wanted our marriages back. We all cry. I just feel so alone tonight. I want so bad to just go sit over there in his driveway until they wake up and come out of the house. But then what? Not like seeing me would change anything. Him knowing that I know she's there won't make her leave or him change his mind. I'm just having such a terribly hard time tonight with the feeling of helplessness that I have right now. I know that there's nothing that I can do, but don't feel like I can just sit here and do nothing. But that's all I have. And, just to make it so much better, my head is pounding with pressure and my eyelids will probably be swollen for days. UGH! Such a crybaby!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Hi MB, I understand you not having a good night. What have done to lift your mood? I always have books by my side (obviously not romantic or self help) and when I'm feeling down I'll read them. That will take your mind of things.
Are you going out today? Is there something that you can watch on tv? Why don't you write down yous feelings and then burn it!?
You are not alone here, Take care
Hi Rouky. I haven't really done anything. Waited for D to go to bed, then sat here and just let the tears flow. Everyone I know is asleep, and they don't want to hear it anyway. So, I reached out to you guys. My friends. That's all I've done to lift my mood.
No, not going out today. If I ever go to sleep, I will sleep as long as I can. I have to work tonight. I hope I feel better by then or it makes it really hard to concentrate on what I'm doing. Of course, right now it's just hard to even read what I'm typing through the tears. So tired of feeling this way. I have felt pain long enough. Time to feel something other than that.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
. I will, however, move somewhere further, so that I will not have to suffer the indignity of bumping into them while they are out enjoying themselves.
Right now I'm renting an apartment. My mom is trying to get me to buy a house somewhere closer to where she lives (about 30 minutes away). I have been dragging my feet on that, but she really wants me to think about it. May not be a bad idea. I will think it over again.
I'm sorry that your XH is right under your nose. That has to be miserable not knowing when you are going to accidentally run into them. That has to be so hard for you.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB....I'm so sorry. I know you are hurt and it sux that you saw her truck. And also that she isn't even hiding it. If I were there I would egg her truck on your behalf
Just kidding since that would be a huge DB no no but I'm glad you didn't let him know that you saw. I hope you're getting some sleep. And it can't hurt to just look at houses by your mom. Even looking can lift your spirits. And it can be considered GALing.
So sorry you had such a bad night.
(((((MB)))))
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
