Him contributing to the finances and the sex stuff was something we've been working on in counseling since the first visit. He agreed (again in counseling) to give me $350/wk. to cover his expenses as well as help with some of the others. The counselor even figured out how much he'd have to earn per hour to be able to do so; she gave him some places to apply. Instead, he goes out and gets another straight commission sales job even though he told me the job had a $250 draw against commission...an outright lie. My assignment was to quit covering for him. The deal was that he pays the truck payment/cell phone payment or he doesn't have a truck or cell phone. He agreed to this (in counseling).
He paid the truck payment in Feb. although he's now saying that he had to borrow money from his boss to do so. He also said that his boss paid his cell phone bill; I got a disconnect notice a few days ago with a balance of $515 and there's still a $265 balance. He's been pissed ever since agreeing to me not paying and now he's gone.
I have no idea how he racks up so much time on the cell phone. He does get appts (1-2 brief calls a day) and may call customers to get directions (2-3 brief calls a day). I pulled up the current statement today, and he had 1900+ minutes for outgoing calls last month.
It makes me sick to give up on my marriage, but I really don't have a choice. He'll never come back if he has to help out financially or be intimate; I've gotten that message loud and clear. I don't think that he's ever had to take care of himself, and he is not an "adult" even though he's 38. I'm really hurting, feeling stupid, trying to figure out what to do, and how to protect myself. All while he's living rent-free at his friend's house with no worries.
You are NOT stupid...I'll say it again YOU are NOT stupid.
say it with me now...
I am NOT stupid.
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!
and not that's not me being a smart ass...though it did come from a sat night live skit, I did say it to myself often during the shittiest part of my life and still remind myself of it when need be.
So you and h agreed in councelling that you would not pay his bills for him any longer...but you've continued to do so?
so stop. Have your name removed from them. Since it was already agreed upon by him all you need to do is let him know it's his responbility as agreed upon and that's that.
Right now I'd focus on removing these financial burdons from yourself and keeping yourself calm.
Once these things are settled (and it may take a while) THEN you can start thinking about divorce (cause that's a whole other process).
I'm not saying whether you should or shouldn't divorce. I'm simply saying deal with issues one at a time. first things first...straighten out the financial situation. Second take time to let the dust settle and the hot emotions cool down. Then move on to step 2.
Actually, he agreed to start paying them but failed to follow through. At that point, in counseling, we agreed that it would be HIS responsibility to cover these things and that he would seek employment that would allow him to do so. The flipside was that I was not going to save him anymore. He never said "No, I'm not going to do that," he said that he would do it. As I said, he took the current "commission only" job instead of doing what he agreed to do. Taking care of the cell phone is easy. There's nothing I can do to remove myself from the truck, aside from having the credit union repossess it. It's upside down though so that wouldn't solve that issue. H cannot qualify to have refinanced into his own name.
We're dealing with two different issues here. 1).Financial support/saving your credit rating; and 2) divorce. One doesn't necessarily follow the other. I say, cut the phone, repo the truck and be done with it. 1900 minutes of Cell time? Unbelievable.
Anyway, after you do the deeds, then, you can figure out whether divorce is an option. But unless you have deep pockets, why are you supporting him, and why are you believing anything he says?
