You don't owe him any notice on the phone or the truck. If you want to avoid the $200 cancellation fee, you can ask him if he'll give the phone to you, and then you can use it yourself. If not, cut it off and swallow the $$. It's only money.
Regarding the truck, get out from under this obligation. Let them repo it
I know there are two sides to every story, but, based on the one side I've heard, you need to get away from him for your own health. I agree with LL that you should do some work before getting involved with anyone again. (I know I would need to). But right now, sever the ties.
I haven't contributed financially to my household for close to five years and don't see myself starting any time soon. Should my h leave me based on that fact alone? What if his friends wife works and makes more than her h and thinks I'm leaching off of him and should go get a job even if only part time at nights to contribute?
I'm not trying to beat you up but I'm sure it feels that way. I'm just trying to make sure you are not making a mistake you've already been down the divorce road is this a pattern you want to continue? Is this a long term solution to a short term problem?
If he got a full time job next week and started contributing to your household (how would that work anyway then wouldn't part of it be his too?) or at least his own vehicle and cell phone (wich btw I don't pay for either) Would that be enough?
Quote: I know there are two sides to every story, but, based on the one side I've heard, you need to get away from him for your own health.
I could tell you stories about my h that would make you think he's an a$$ that I should leave for my own health..
Truth is he could also tell you stories about me that would make you tell him the same thing.
It doesn't matter what one side makes you think...that's why there are TWO sides...you can't rationally base a decision on whether or not a person should disovle their marraige based on what you hear from just one of them.
Quote: you can't rationally base a decision on whether or not a person should disovle their marraige based on what you hear from just one of them.
Now, lostlove. You're talking to Hairdog, here. When has rationality ever entered into any of the advice I give here? All my advice is worth exactly what the taker has paid for it. I'm not a professional counselor, just an average, HD guy.
And COGal, understand that my advice to you is not unbiased. Maybe I'm just trying to break up your marriage so that there's one more unattached babe out there if I ever end up single again.
Quote: you can't rationally base a decision on whether or not a person should disovle their marraige based on what you hear from just one of them.
Now, lostlove. You're talking to Hairdog, here. When has rationality ever entered into any of the advice I give here? All my advice is worth exactly what the taker has paid for it. I'm not a professional counselor, just an average, HD guy.
And COGal, understand that my advice to you is not unbiased. Maybe I'm just trying to break up your marriage so that there's one more unattached babe out there if I ever end up single again.
Peace.
Hairdog,
Though I did speak to your post I wasn't speaking only to you. Often times on this bb we are compelled to give our raw gut opinion of what others should do without thinking about it rationally. That's fine for the advice giver and sometimes fine for the advice seeker...however often when people come to this bb to post they are seeking rational advice from unbiased people who may be dealing with similar issues/feeling etc.
Though several times over the past couple of years I've read of people trying to get back a spouse that I thought they should be happy to have lost I bit my tounge. It's not my place to say what kind of person their spouse is based on what little information given.
It may very well sound like I'm sticking up for COgal's h but I'm not...I'm thinking of BOTH parties best interest and I don't always see divorce as the optimum solution. if I did I'd be telling every single person on this bb to go file and rid themselves of the pain in the butt they married.
Sorry to be the only supporter of your m here COgal but someone has to be in favor of it, after all you yourself were in favor of it at one time not that long ago.
If that was agreed upon between you and your H, then that's fine. We have no such agreement; he was to pay the car payment and cell phone every month. He'll say that he has no money when there are several $100 bills in his wallet. He wants a Hummer, a boat, and a plane. Yet doesn't feel obligated to get a consistently paying job.
He has promised over and over to contribute but never does so. I never promised to "take care" of him. I don't make enough to pay all household expenses plus cover his expenses also. I've refinanced my house and taken money from my retirement to make ends meet over the last few years, while he's done nothing.
so if I continuosly buy jugs of wine for my alchoholic husband and make sure there's plenty of beer in the fridge for him, it's still all his fault? and I can complain about it and get rid of him when I'm tired of doing so?
If what COgal is saying is true, and spouse is NOT TRYING, then, in my opinion, he is nothing more than a user, with no intent of anything other than riding the pony as long as possible. Furthermore, using her funds in a manipulative way (intentionally riding the pony without permission), that is akin to abuse. If he is abusing her, then she needs to do everthing she can ASAP to minimize the damage potential.
COgal. If the issue is that you simply chose the wrong guy, and there a people with a propensity to marry losers/users/diggers, then you have to decide what you do and leave all outside discussion from the inside of your relationship.
LL, you are right that she has to make the choices, but she does need to hear from others. It is difficult enough for an abused spouse to decide to take action. Encouragement, in that case, is a good thing.
COgal, you have to determine if he is being abusive or if you just can't stand to put up with him for another day. From what you have written of him, your marriage started with a major challenge. This should be included as a major factor in your decision.
I am a firm believer in marriage. I also know that there is a time to to end *some* marriages. I don't believe that time is just because someone is mildly to moderately unhappy, even though I have threatened to walk away a couple of times myself. Having said that, when a relationship really has gone bad, and that is usually quite obvious, then I don't believe there is anything inherently wrong with ending it.
So, make your best guess at what you should do. If you find advice here has the witness of truth AND fits your situation, then you might want to consider it. Otherwise, just know that the folks here are simply trying to offer support and help as best we can.
All the best, -NOPkins
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I have been basically backed into a corner by H's refusal to cover what he agreed to. These things (car and cell) are in MY name; I'm trying to protect my credit so that I can provide for my kids. His attitude when something is due is "oh well" if he doesn't have the money. Yet, he always has the money when it's time to pay his hockey league dues.
He has taken 4 "commission only" jobs over the last 2 years; he doesn't even bother to look for sales jobs that at least have a draw so that he gets some sort of income. He basically stopped his home remodeling business each time to take these jobs. He will waste months with no commission before moving on to the next one. However, there's always that big sale pending...none have ever happened. He has now walked out. If I pick up the car payment and cell payment while he's on his 5th "commission only" job I won't be able to pay the property taxes on my home. His cell phone bill averages between $250-$300/mo., and the truck payment is over $600. I don't have extra cash laying around to cover it. Is it fair to risk my kids being without a home to provide free transportation/cell phone service to someone who's capable of getting a paying job?
Quote: Is it fair to risk my kids being without a home to provide free transportation/cell phone service to someone who's capable of getting a paying job?
No it's not. I think you are missing my intentions with you. I am not saying that you should continue to support him financially. I'm simply questioning whether or not this is reason to divorce?
If he is capable of paying his hockey dues then he's capable of paying his cell bill (and if he has to pay it himself perhaps he wont ring it up so high. and btw why the hell is his cell bill so damn high anyway?) and his truck payment.
There is no reason you should have to pay his bills if he is capable of getting and holding down a job but you've made the choice to do so all along on your own. You can't blame other people for your niceness. You can choose not to continue paying his bills. You can also choose how you go about getting to that point.
