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After she texted me several times. I responded sounds like a bad day and left it at that.
part of me feels was too much. And maybe it was.
So then about 30 minutes ago she sends me a picture of S11m fingers and calls in a panic asking if it's frost bite. He was bundled up and they were out for a short time.
I said give me a second to look at the pic. As she called as it came to me.
She has always come to me with any medical stuff as I have taken first aid courses for the better part of my life and have some basic paramedic training.
It was minor frost bite I advised her what to do and to watch it.
Talked to S3 a little told him I love him and good night.

The fact she calls me right away in these situations is nice. Not sure if it will last. And if it doesn't that's fine.
After she texted me thanks for the help. Sorry it's been a crappy day ( edited for minors )
No problem is all I said. Only because I don't want her not to contact me when it involves the kids

How can she miss you when you are oh so available?

To answer your earlier statement about other WAW being a real B and yours is cordial... Basically she is living her fantasy out just as she dreamt, she has you there when and if she needs, and casts you aside as she sees fit. They will start acting out when the LBS commits to DBing and starts putting themselves first letting the WAS spin and own the consequences of their decisions .... In short, stop playing according to her rules and begin playing to your own.

I would really look at the texting, I had issues with this and a wonderful vet gave me some guidelines
Text about her/her day... No reply required or a short reply HOURS later, she fired you remember? And you are busy GALing
Text about the kids... Reply in kind, "aw cute photo thanks for sharing" 30-60 minute
Emergency about the kids... Immediate response
If she claims emergency like the toaster is broken, she fired you... You are busy

I am really trying not to be available. Keeping answers very short and not about her in any way. Those are great guidelines and I agree with them. I am GAL. I was out when se called.
If it's about anything but the kids I tend to not answer or if I do i try to keep it impersonal.
Anything emergency wise with kids I will always be right there. I know tonight wasn't a huge life threatening emergency.
Trying to be unavailable is hard tho. It's coming slowly I think. A week ago I answered everything ASAP. Was over talkative and I am working on curbing it thanks to all of your advice

Wondering if anyone can answer why the hell I want to save a M where the W left me, is having a EA and I suspect PA.
What is the mental reasoning behind this?
Why do I want to be with and love someone who would do that to me?
Someone that knows how much family means to me and yet tears it apart?

I am racking my brain trying to understand this and yet if she wanted to reconcile tomorrow. I would take her back

I agree with CaliGuy's post, but I do think this was an ok exchange.

She was bombarding you with her day. Your response was fine. Any more than that would be too much. What is nice is that you are setting some new boundaries, your response is essentially saying 'not my monkey'. It's not like she's going to keep dumping on you daily if that's all you responded. If she does you can tone it down further, but my guess is that she'll stop, or she'll call you out (why are you acting so cold?), in which case you can either not respond or just tell her you don't have the same relationship you used to and leave it at that. Bottom line, this wasn't across the line given the situation and timing.

Then the kid with frostbite...yes, it's absolutely fine to respond and talk about it. You should. It's not like she's freezing her kids in the cold to manipulate you. She was nervous and I'm glad she can talk to you about the kids. This is a one off, I doubt it will come up again anytime soon.

End of the day, not bad given the timing and the frostbite. Stick to this idea and be prepared for the texting to die down as she understands you're not her best buddy anymore.

It did feel like a better exchange than normal. It's still hard and frustrating.
It will come with time. And I really hope that was a one off. Because if she starts calling me everyday with some emergency I will have to say. Look. It's probably better if the kids live here for awhile so they live....
And ya the texts will tail off. I have a feeling she will call me out on it tho. I was thinking of she does I reply. Really?

Laying here praying before sleep. I was asking for strength to become happy for myself. And I dawned on me. When I met W and we started dating. That was a point in my life where I was feeling the most self confident and happy with my life than I ever have before. It was after first D. Long after that I started going out dancing. Talking to women. Buying mySelf things. I was happy with me and not looking for a R. Just looking to meet people. As M went on I became less that person and more stay at home lazy and procrastinating.
Not saying this as a way to get W back. That may be a bonus. But I realized. That was probably the happiest I have been with me ever. Didn't care what people thought of me. Had no problem taking to people. I need to be that man again!

Tyler, you are not alone. I keep asking myself the same things. Why would I even be friends with this person ? What qualities is she now displaying that would make me even consider choosing her as a friend? She has argued that 'we should be friends for the boys' so why wernt our children enough of a reason NOT to have the affair and why were they not important enough to at least try and work on our M. these questions go round and round. I imagine despite showing no feeling of remorse or sadness, that her head must be whirring also and what ever has taken her into another world is still happening. I'm sticking to the rules and 1 day at a time.

Amazing, isn't it? Why do you think you get advice to pull back, stop being available, stop waiting around to see what she's going to do,GAL, etc.? Every LBS that comes to this board and talks about how awful their WS has treated them......strangely, wants their spouse back. Human nature has a lot to do with it. And if she thought you were really dropping her like a hot potato, I think you would see her pursuing you.



Yes, you do!

The nice thing is I remember exactly how I got to that point in my life and what I did to bust and distract myself to get to that point of my life where I was happy with myself. If it were a month into when we were dating and she walked away I wouldn't have cared. Not because I didn't have feeling for her. But because I didn't have the mindset it do now. Sure it would have stung. I would have moved on tho.