I'm hoping that in this first week away, she's missing me. She tends to reach out when she's missing me. And I think she's curious what I'm up to and how I'm doing, so that's good. Aren't I just being the lighthouse?
Lighthouse or enabling her cake eating. Hard to say. Sweet deal for her. She gets OW for fun stuff and you're still willing to do things for her. She's living that cake.
UGH Cake Eaters! Make her fend for herself. She no longer has you to take care of her.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
What do we say about mindreading around here?! Exactly.
Originally Posted By: NYGal
I'm hoping that in this first week away, she's missing me. She tends to reach out when she's missing me. And I think she's curious what I'm up to and how I'm doing, so that's good. Aren't I just being the lighthouse?
Erase all of that ^^ from your head. You just DO NOT know what W is up to or what she's thinkinng...or what she's eating...or ....on and on.
In my case, Ms. Wonka and I went months, and months before Ms. Wonka even texted me. I kept myself busy. Came to DB site when I felt the strong urge to reach out to her.
My advice is to go pitch BLACK on W. Seriously. After all, she's the one who asked you to leave the house and wanted some fun "out there." Heh...little does she realize that she's riding on a Train Wreck that is headed for a hairpin turn. Then it will be DERAILMENT. All thanks to OW.
You won't have to lift.a.finger.
Now, I want to circle back to my earlier comment about responding to W's text with just facts. To me, that is good because it shows her that 1) You're being cooperative 2) She cannot do those things without you.
Then the next time it happens, just don't happily help her. Come here for advice first and we'll help you text/email back to say "no more of this." Then we all sit back and watch W and OW implode.
Stay with us here.
Your first priority is to go dark, DARK.
-no more swinging by OW's building -no more plotting 1,250 ways to run into W -no more wanting to text/email W -no more wanting to call W for "this n' that"
UGH Cake Eaters! Make her fend for herself. She no longer has you to take care of her.
Here's the thing about cake eating.
When you DB masterfully, it can be done in a way that will show them what they're missing ESPECIALLY, in NYG's case, when the partner has "kicked" you out.
Then show them one taste of the icing. The PULL the cake away.
Whop! That's the WAS falling flat on their faces.
Problem with newbies is that many are too desperate to implement "going dark" strategy because they're quaking in their boots out of fear that they'll push the WAS out of the door. Uh. Say that again? You're already out of the door since they've fired you.
Problem with newbies is that many are too desperate NOT to implement "going dark" strategy because they're quaking in their boots out of fear that they'll push the WAS out of the door.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
