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Again thank you everyone that is helping me. I am learning not to react on emotion. I would have jumped at the chance to give her some money. And more than she asked for before DB.
I told her yes I will move it to her account. She said thank you she needs to get groceries. Some things cost her more than she thought.
Taking my time and thinking instead of reacting on feeling made me realize if I give her more than she asked for I am using that to get a reaction. Also putting more pressure on her to pay back more than she asked for.
It's a learning curve for me not to react. Just need to stop and think first

Nice job T. That's a big step. Well handled. While giving her money and shielding her from the consequences from her choices isn't good long term, this is a short term transitional spot, and I agree with the way you handled it.

One thing I'm big on is having a mission statement, and making sure all of your texts/emails/phone exchanges are consistent with your mission statement. Avoid interacting unless you've had a chance to find your inner balance, so you're not acting controlling, punishing (by being nasty or cold), needy, etc. It's fine to go dim, but when a response is appropriate do so from a place of inner content. Be cordial back up to 80% of her friendliness. Don't try to show her you're doing well, let that come through between the lines of being nonchalant and relaxed.

Oh- one caution- don't copy text exchanges word for word. Change a few. I doubt she'd google search your last text message, but if you ever sent a memorable text that she for some reason searched I'd hate for it to lead right to this thread.

Keep going!

Thanks Zeus. And I had to smile when you called me T. That's always what friends have called me.

Tho I feel good about how I handled that. It feels better knowing that I thought it through. And acted from the head not the heart. That my choice was based on myself my children and even her in a way.
Feels good that I taking the time to understand my actions

Tomorrow I know she has a few job interviews. I would like to wish her well by text in the am. Originally my thought was. Good luck at your interviews. Just be yourself and there is no way they will let you walk away without a job.
Now. Tho it would be nice to say. I will just say good luck at your interviews today. If I say anything at all. We will see what the morning brings.

Speaking of tomorrow. Got to remember to get to the gym registration thing tomorrow. Want to get in there and feel the burn! Shame it's 2 weeks till opening.

I'm wondering to myself why she asked me for the money. Because I honestly have zero idea what if anything is going on withOM because I stopped worrying about that. I know they still talk. So I am probably safe to assume nothing has changed. But why not go to him for $$. I am the easy target? She feels better about herself by getting it from me?
Don't get me wrong the money wasn't for her. It was so she could get food for my boys. ( which she did, not snooping she still uses joint account, I have seperate account but I still have 2 bills come out of joint for now).
And why not ask me. She can never talk to me it always by text when I know there is something and she can't speak it

'Let me start by saying that I know if I start doing all these things right she will not come back. '

I am in an almost identical position, W is moving hers and my 2 boys stuff out bit by bit over the next few days. I have tried my all to get on the reconciliation path the last 7 months but amongst my many mistakes I have been lied to and deceived so many times I feel like an idiot.

Tyler, how do you switch off that little ray of hope, latching onto every tiny positive thing as a 'sign' ?
I have made WAW as pissy as its possible to be. ie I have put a lock on my bedroom door (she has stolen my wedding ring, mementoes from my boys etc and I do not know if she had sex in there with her OM, it is easier to deal with her not talking to me than it is the making cups of tea and occasional hug. I can't stop seeing these as good signs. The house is already looking bare and empty and I now feel like I just want her gone from the toxic environment. The first thing I am going to do is paint my living room a different colour.
Hope can be a bastard.

Hi keefa.
I can't say I have stopped hoping. Or that I don't read into little signs too much. I still do. Not as much as I used to. It takes time. It's still very hard.
After W moved out the first thing I did was have a hot shower and cried. A lot. Got it all out.
After I got dressed in decent cloths. Looked good and started supper. While that was cooking I walked around at the empty spaces on the walls and in the rooms. Instead of missing all of the stuff I made myself think. What do I need to et to fill that space. What piece of furniture or picture will look good there and be me.

I do warn tho. I had myself mentally prepared for moving day. I played it through In my head a thousand times. What I would say. What she would say how we both would react or act. None of it involved crying. Or any painful or hurtful talk.
It went nothing like I envisioned. We both cried. She embraced me. She initiated talk and touch. Nothing like I expected.

When I got home yesterday and the house was empty (people wise) I grabbed a note pad and started lists. To get. To do. An started making those lists instead of focusing on te silence and her.
For now when I think of her or R I go to te lists. Add to them or do the things I have written down. I read DB. I started doing yoga, I have school to study for.

Listen to the people that post on your thread. They are full of great advice. It's hard to listen and follow in the beginning. And I was hesitant to act in the ways they suggested but when you see results from it it's hard to argue.
All that said. Remember I am new to this too. I joined 15 days ago and really started trying to DB maybe 7-9 days ago
Read the sticky threads and recommended ones from cadet.

Been a fairly quiet day on my end. I decided this am to say. Morning. Good luck at your interviews.
She said thank you and asked how my night was. I said good. Busy with studying and things.

I did slip and asked how hers was. Waited for reply and just asked how the boys were. They are good and she mentioned a TV cable she forgot/needed. I just asked if she could wait till Friday.

Other than that. I had a quiz at school this Not good. This weekend was stressful and my mind was not in school at all. So it was bad. I have to make myself relearn the first 2 weeks because my mind was not into it at all. It [censored] but I have to do it

What was your reasoning for saying this?

I really don't know. I guess just to show support and talk to her as I feel terrible with her gone now.
I understand I need to detach and not pursue. It's hard to at times.
It's moments of weakness that are going to cost me in the big picture.

I wish I had a good reason for initiating convo. But I don't.

Support for what? Her interview? I dont believe you.


I think it's this.

So did you feel better? Maybe.
But did it take you closer to your goal? Doubtful.

Which is more important to you?