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A big mistake a lot of us make is being a doormat. You can't nice them back. It doesn't work. Haven't you ever dumped anyone? If they took it bad and cried and begged that never worked on you. If they groveled and did anything you want that just made them look weak and pathetic to you. We all want to be with someone strong. Not someone needy and pathetic. Be strong. Move on. I'm a man. I know men. He'll want what he can't have. The only ex's I ever wanted back in my life were those who moved on easily and met other people. The ex's that pined after me never stood a chance. That's human psyche for whatever it's worth.

Great stuff!!! This is GAL. This is detaching.

Thank you for the words of wisdom V and TxHubby!
H and I are talking during dog swap today. I haven't prepped like I thought I would, but I promise there will be no neediness or pursuing. Trying to keep my pma up and even have some giggles ( I have some hilarious texts that I can reread that will make me chuckle).... And we'll see where the convo goes. I am totally fine without him and I know it!

Good job, Feyth, keep it up! Will there be a second date?

TxHubby, I love your advice.

Alrighty, H and I spoke for an hour and a half about the D and it went as expected.

Surprisingly though... I am good! I facetimed with my sister and mom afterwards and laughed and was genuinely happy... I'm not a basketcase at all! Haha!

I'm just going to type out the gist, so my apologies if this rambles...

The biggest issue on the table is house.... H is crazy over the house and is freaked out that I am going to go after it. This I knew it advance and he brought it up BIG TIME tonight. He said he did not want to use lawyers for this, that if we did use lawyers, he was going to fight. He said a judge will likely make me owe him spousal support and then basically said I have no claim to the house. Keep in mind, I've never asked for the house.... I just said, this is a business transaction and I want what the state says I should have. I'm not looking for anything more.....
He went on and on and on and on about how much he supported me, how I wouldn't be where i was today if it weren't for him, that if I didn't accept his "deal" in the next 48 hours, then it's off the table and it's gone forever.....

So that was a lot of spew, but I kept my cool and was able to make jokes and even be a little light about all of it. He told me he was getting angry and defensive about the house... and I just had to laugh and say, "Ok OK I get it, you're worried about the house! Geezz!" I said this with a huge grin trying to lesson the tension....I told him, this was our first discussion about this all and we just need to talk it out. no decisions are going to be made tomorrow.
Literally, it was ALL about me going after the house and how it would all blow up if I went after it. He was angry saying, he thought he knew me, but he was wrong. I'm not sure I did well with the validating, but I had my emotions in check. Even brought up some of the other things we need to deal with: Health Insurance, Taxes, etc.

So, here's where we're at ( I think )- He wants us to sign a MSA and divide everything ourselves and submit that when we file. He told me what he was willing to give me and gave me 48 hours to think about it.

Honestly, I don't know that I need feedback on this right here, but I can see clearly what is going on. Please don't waste your energy in trying to reply to this! And trust me... I'm good.

Next post is going to be about the things that made me go HMMMMMM....

Ok the interesting stuff.

When H wanted to be rid of me, I really felt like he was out having the time of his life thinking he made the best decision ever.... and today, I got a glimpse of his depressing life. Now, keep in mind, I don't know if he was trying to make me feel bad for him or if he was being genuine.... I really don't. Either way, the "story" is not what I imagined.

He's been depressed. He said he "hit therapy hard" and started going again every week. He misses the dog when I have him. He says, it's not fair, I have family and he has nobody so he really misses the dog. He has just a few friends that he hangs out with. He clings to the corner of the bed when he sleeps, and then leaves the house for the day as soon as he can. His jobs aren't working out, and he just got screwed out of a gig.
He went to the eye dr today and had to get his prescription adjusted because he refuses to get readers... he said this is out of vain. He even takes pictures of food labels just so he can blow it up and read it. His eye sight has really gone downhill the last few months and said, "It's the sad part about old age."
He packed up my knick knacks and things that reminded him of me because it hurt too much looking at it. He wants no memory of his past.

Lastly, I tried to validate all this info the best I could. It was hard! I did slip at one point when he was spewing about the house and for some reason I said, "Don't worry about it, I'm not in love with you anymore" and he just scoffed and continued on. I don't know where that came from.... but it came out.

Towards the end, we did both have a laugh at the dog and one of his tricks. So, that's that. I think this is the start of a rough road ( I can't escape the legal aspect of this, but I won't let it affect me emotionally).

One last thing... his memory is horrible!!!! His dates/conversations etc. are all wrong! I actually was trying to argue dates with him and it was pointless.... he said this is our biggest problem... always on different pages.

*smacks head** This is just so crazy!

Hi Feyth - sounds like you did well with the interaction, and do what suits you best in terms of housing. It sounds to me as though your H may be going through a mid-life crisis. Have you read much about MLC??

Take care xx

Feyth as you say you cannot nice them back I tried and now realise this you just have to be strong and do not get pushed about

Take care
Ghost

Good job Feyth... you def handled that better than I would have. I don't have much advice for you, others can handle that. I wish you the best though.

Thanks for the feedback Sotto and ghost!

Sotto- yes, i've felt that this is mlc for several months and I've read a ton on the subject. For me, I don't revert back to MLC as the sole reason that he and I are in this position, but it's always in the back of my mind. I also don't let it change my approach to things as we just don't have many interactions. I wonder if I should?

The signs are all there: major financial set back before BD, doing everthing to find fullfilment in life, death anxiety, feeling trapped, "I just want to be happy!", new clothes, new eating habits, more emphasis on appearance (wants plugs/ wears makeup if he has a blemish), new friends- his closest is 22 years younger than him, desire to drop all old friends who didn't make him happy, New personality, "I'm so much happier not worrying about you", bought a Harley, drop of job in pursuit of childhood dreams.....

On the other hand, I've also thought of him as the guy who is simply done when he says he's done. He seems very, very done right now and hasn't wavered since the separation. I just don't know.