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Fade,
Adultery has no bearing on D where I live. Snooping would have been for my benefit but would have had no impact on a D.

Free,

IF you are going the route you say you are, I hope you give everything a double and triple-check before you drop the bomb on her.

Do you want to have the bomb, and then give her a few days to reconsider once she starts to scurry? Sometimes WW snap out of it.

Or, do you want to have the R talk, drop the bomb, and then throw the book at her with the D and your lawyer? Subpoena her to death, for 401k records, current pay, all her monetary accounts, child custody/parenting plan, division of assets, etc.

The latter case will protect you the most, but will irrevocably alter/destroy your relationship with her.

My friend told me to pull out a piece of paper, and write 'what do I want' on one header, and 'what can I live with' on the other header. She might be willing to a fair division, but once you spin her carousel, you never know.

Believe it or not, anger is good! Maybe even great. But wait for what you feel next. I didn't eat for a week, yelled at everyone in sight and was in a darker pace than I though was possible. I wanted to end it all and get a divorce immediately, but thoughts of my kids slowed my actions. I even thought about going I over to the om'so house and castrating him.

But then I realized none of that would make me feel better in the long term. And you know what came after the initial anger? Strength and clarity. And purpose.

Trumpet,
I don't know if I would call my willingness to D her a bomb. W will probably be happy that I am for it. The bomb for her will happen when the mediation process begins. In her mind, life will go on as-is, just without me. She has said that to me and others. I cannot explain how off center W is on this. Everything for both of us will be different, not just me.
It's funny. The day of the first BD, W stated that she thought I would be happy about ending our M. That thinking was wrong then and still wrong now. I find no happiness in any of this. I am angry and miserable about all of it, but I've come to terms with the fact that it's over.
SciDad,
Strength, clarity and purpose. Those are three attributes I need more of at the moment. I'm working on it.

These are hard to come by and difficult to maintain, almost like zen meditation But strive to be in this state when I make any major decisions. And they are achievable after BD, I swear

Sci, I hope so.
Operation Snoop-Day 2:
Like I said, this was already in motion and cannot be stopped for a few days.
For a long time, I could not see how there could be an A. Since BD, W goes to work and comes home. Nothing else.
Now I know how it's been going on.
I was just told that W and OM left work at noon and went to a house about 10 minutes away. Presumably the OM's home. I should have a name and background on OM within the hour.
I want to throw up. The thoughts going through my head right now are sickening.

The house is owned by a 74 year old woman who still resides there.
So, either he rents an apartment there, or this is OM's mothers house.
My W drove there and they were inside for 35 minutes and then went back to work.
i asked PI to keep investigating for the agreed amount of time, BUT DO NOT TELL ME IN REAL TIME.
This is just another knife in my back and this knife has plenty of company back there.

Free,

Realtime updates are bad. I hadn't even considered that, but you need to be prepared when you look through what was discovered.

"Bad" is putting it lightly. It is devastating.
And, on top of it all, I paid a small fortune to find out the truth.
I know I shouldn't guess at anything, but I want to believe that this a$$wipe OM lives with his mother and does not own a car. F'ing loser.
Also, the thought of this man anywhere near my kids in the future is killing me.
God, there are so many thoughts running through my head. It hurts.
In the last week, I find myself thinking back to everything negative my W has said and done since BD, and before. It strengthens my resolve to let go and reinforces the need to get away from her.
Thank God for this site. I'm not at the point of telling any of this to my family or friends. At least this forum allows me to unleash my thoughts and not explode.
It's days like today where it is difficult to function normally or even breathe. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I've been here numerous times before and lived to see the next day.
At some point, I will be ok.
Sorry for the rant.

I have the OM info now. All of it.
Name, cell, job description, financials, etc.
I've heard W mention his name before.
He is 2 yrs younger than W. Divorced for 6 years, no children. Lives with his mother and does not have an active drivers license.
So, in the end, I was dumped for an overweight, highly in debt, divorced loser who has to walk to work and who lives with his mother. Sounds like a catch.
This was the better option for W?
What do I do with this intel? Out him to his mother?
She would probably be ecstatic that a woman is even interested in him.
One thing I learned today. I am not the rope dropper or detacher that I say I am. If I were, today's events would not be hitting me as hard as they are.
This has been a week from hell.